Gratuitous Neptune Perkins Hate Revisited.

Long time visitors of my blog (or folks who have nothing better to do than to spelunk through my blog archives) may or may not be aware that I have an irrational hatred of Dick Grayson A.K.A Nightwing that defies any sort of logic or sense. I admit this and I bask in this. Almost nothing makes me happier than to irrationally hate Dick Grayson. I can't explain it, but well, that's the way it goes.

But the truly observant visitor to this blog may remember that there is one character I hate even more than Dick Grayson and for actually almost rational reasons.

Neptune Perkins.

Now, since I haven't made fun of him in ages. I've decided today is the perfect day to start.

Now as folks may or may not remember, some time back there was a team called Young Justice who were temporarily plagued by a team called Old Justice and the government who, for reasons that were never completely clear, wanted to shut them down presumably for their own safety. Senator (Senator! People actually voted for this dillweed) Neptune Perkins was behind that. This is not particularly notable except that it allowed the following page to be created in Sins of Youth 1:



Now, being a fairly knowledgeable, if still relatively newbie, comic book fan, I actually know that Arthur Curry/Orin of Atlantis/Aquaman is fairly badass and awesome. So I'm not actually going to mock Neptune Perkins for getting utterly owned by Aquaman of all heroes here.

I'm going to mock him for getting utterly owned by the silliest incarnation of Aquaman that didn't involve the real version becoming some kind of undersea tentacle monster. I mean seriously, it's the long hair and stupid-hook-hand version!

It's funny because the 1940s era heroes have such prestige nowadays. Even characters like Sand who are all of twenty-five get their share of respectful nods from the "younger" Silver Age-to-current heroes. Whereas the heroes like Green Arrow, Superman, Batman, Aquaman who ended up transplanted whole in the modern age give up that status. Thus we get fascinating character dynamics such as when Batman and Alan Scott get to team up together.

But anyway, the average 1940s remnant hero always seems to have some level of dignity and seniority. They may fight with the more modern heroes sometimes, they may even be wrong, but they never get utterly owned by their modern counterparts. There is always some amount of respect there even if it's just revolving around the fact that this is one of the earliest superheroes and groundbreakers.

Except Neptune Perkins. Sure Arthur's a king and has an ego the size of Lemuria, Perkins is still a US politician with quite a measure of power and forty years or so more experience as well as All-Star credibility. There is no reason why he shouldn't be able to hold his own.

Except for the fact that he is utterly worthless. Also, he somehow manages to make a widow's peak and stylish grey temples look stupid.

I'm so glad the shark ate him.

I have to admit, I can't quite make fun of this part though:





Because honestly, I totally would have had the same reaction. That would be awesome. Best ability I've heard in ages.

But aside from that? Neptune Perkins totally deserved to get chomped. Heh.