Pretty, Fizzy Paradise

I'm back! And reading! And maybe even blogging! No promises!

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Oh right!  I have a blog!  Though to be fair, a two week hiatus is better than two years!  :-)

I have been spending far too much time playing video games than actually doing anything interesting.  Sorry.

But I'm back.  Theoretically.  :-P

Thursday, October 02, 2014

I've Been Schooled

So my mother is an unexpected virtuoso in the art of reciprocal television torture.

Reciprocal television torture is when you and another person alternate watching episodes of truly awful (or sometimes decent) television so that you can mock it and suffer together.  There are bonus points when you find something TRULY terrible to torture the other person with.

I do this with quite a few friends.  It's fun!  It is truly my favorite hobby.

Anyway, my mother had a similar idea.  See, whenever I get weirdly obsessed with something new (which is, unsurprisingly often), I end up trying to inflict it on everyone as much as possible.  So when my mother came to visit, she knew that I would attempt to inflict my current terrible obsession (Still Emergency!.  There are a damn lot of episodes of that show.)

So she planned ahead.  And brought something terrible of her own.  And we would (and did) alternate episodes of each.

My mother brought season 1 of Here Come the Brides.

And we watched episodes.

I think I've just been schooled.  By my mom.  In my own favorite hobby.

I am so proud.  :-D

(PS:  What the fuck was that dead thing on Bobby Sherman's head?  Just asking.)

Sunday, September 28, 2014

I watched things.

So anyway, recently I saw a Sci-Fi Channel Original Movie: Fire Serpent.  Beware of spoilers.

I admit, I only decided to watch this movie because of the actors, who included Nicholas Brendon (Xander from Buffy), Sandrine Holt (Li Ann from Once a Thief), Randolph Mantooth (Gage from Emergency) and Robert Beltran (Chakotay from Voyager).

I was not disappointed.

Of course, I wasn't disappointed because I expected a really stupid movie.  :-P  Sentient fire that hitches a ride in people's backpacks.

The acting was actually decent though.  Really all of the actors deserved to be in a better movie.  :-)

One thing that bothered me was that I actually thought Nicholas Brendon's character, "Jake", was utterly superfluous.  He was the newbie fire fighter who gets to be all disbelieving and skeptical when Mantooth's "Dutch" tells him all about the scary fire creatures.  Later, he gets to be earnest when trying to convince Sandrine Holt's FBI character, "Chris" about the danger.

Honestly, the movie would have worked just as well without him.  "Chris" would have met "Dutch" anyway, because she and her boss (Beltran's character) suspected him of arson.  She is already disbelieving and skeptical.  He is already more than able to explain the situation.  There was really no need for the middle man.

The only real useful thing "Jake" does is in the end battle, and well, as it's that sort of movie.  And honestly, there's no reason "Dutch" couldn't have done that as well.  (Mantooth appears to be in quite good shape for his age.  Easily still believable in an action role.)

I know some folks criticize movies for inserting a young white American man into a cast when it's really not necessary.  Sometimes I agree with this critique, sometimes I don't.  In this case though, it was really very obvious.  Jake contributes NOTHING to the overall narrative!  (The actor does a good job with what he has, but really.)

There were some good points though.  Surprisingly.

First: Of the four lead characters, only one was a white man.  Sandrine Holt is half Chinese.  And both Mantooth and Beltran have Native American ancestry.

Second:  All the interrogation scenes were really good, if too short.  They could have done a whole movie of just Robert Beltran and Randolph Mantooth being cryptic and ominous at each other across an interrogation room table and I would have enjoyed it.

Third: They managed to have a scene with two Native American-identified actors and neither had to act like the stereotypical mystical Indian stereotype.

There were of course bad points, such as the fact that the damn thing makes no sense at all.  The time line is completely fucked.  The gratuitous flashback to 1966 doesn't even TRY to pretend to be 1966.  (The clothes, hairstyles, everything are blatantly modern.)

Also the dude playing young Dutch is awful, and a terrible casting job.  But then, I might have been more open-minded if I hadn't been watching a lot of Emergency.  (I've seen John Gage, and you, sir, are no John Gage.)

They try to explain how Dutch knows so much about these things, but it doesn't make a lot of sense considering that this thing kills anyone in close enough contact.  I just figure he pulls the shit out of his ass and everyone believes him by virtue of the fact that he used to be in Emergency.

That said, it's hard to seriously complain about flaws in a movie like this because...well, it's a Sci-Fi channel movie.  You kind of get what you come in for.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

So Anyway

I just watched a sci-fi channel original movie from 2007: Fire Serpent.

It was directed by John Terlesky (of Deathstalker fame), created by William Shatner, and starred Nicholas Brendan from Buffy, Sandrine Holt from Once a Thief, Randolph Mantooth from Emergency and Robert Beltran from Star Trek Voyager.

It involved sentient fire.

It was exactly as stupid as it sounds.  But I did enjoy seeing so many awesome people in one movie.  So...that.

Best line: "The fire doesn't care about jurisdiction!!!"

Saturday, September 20, 2014

I don't feel like actually blogging something so I thought I'd use some screencap illustrations of #5 from yesterday's list.




Yep, this is totally the best way to accomplish this.

Friday, September 19, 2014

Life Lessons I've Learned from Emergency!

As you know by now, when I haven't been staring aghast at Darth Vader's gleaming silver nipples, I've been watching a lot of Emergency!.   Way way too much.

Now I certainly haven't seen every episode, but I think I've seen enough by now to start extracting important life lessons.

So here we go: Important life lessons that I have learned from Emergency!

1. Stay the fuck off of scaffolding

2. Bad makeup is a symptom of the flu.

3. ADHD makes a surprisingly useful subplot resolution.

4. The bigger guy should always be lower on the ladder.

5. It is perfectly okay to get a kid out of a sinkhole by dangling your thinnest member by his ankles.

6.  All is forgiven if you talk like Batman.

7.  Hair on your chest is inversely proportionate to the hair on your head.

8. It doesn't matter how hot you are, one day you will have a caterpillar mustache, sideburns, or Farrah Fawcett hair.

9.  Nurses are scary.

10.  You can get away with being the most sexist dude on the show if you're wearing eyeshadow and your first name is "Kelly".

11.  Pranking is a sign of love.

12.  Rattlesnakes are waiting to kill everyone.

13.  The most deadly weapon against man is the girdle.

14.  Never play with monkeys.

15.  Reality TV Shows were apparently big in fictional 1970s, as characters can watch tv shows featuring other characters that actually appeared during the pilot.

(Or Dixie McCall is just hot enough to be able to be hit on by in-universe fictional men.  Which is perfectly plausible)

16.  Most firemen do not actually have names.  Unless they either a) are paramedics, b) annoy the shit out of paramedics, or c) bear a vague resemblance to Abraham Lincoln.  Otherwise, they use their actor names and LIKE it.

17.  Somehow, even if you manage to suffer radiation poisoning, break a leg twice, catch a plague, get bit by a rattlesnake, get hit by a car, get whacked with rubble, get caught in an explosion, and so on, you still never seem to have any trouble passing firefighter physical fitness tests.

Thursday, September 18, 2014

So. This happened.

As I mentioned before, another seventies show that I've been watching recently is the UK 1973 Tomorrow People.  It's...bizarre.  But still better than the 2013 version.

Sometimes though you end up seeing some very strange sights.

For example, see this fetching silver dude from the Tomorrow People serial "The Medusa Strain":


That is David Prowse.  Also known as the body of Darth Vader.

Which now makes me want to work "By Darth Vader's gleaming silver nipples!" in a conversation.

You're welcome.