Pretty, Fizzy Paradise

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Thursday, June 19, 2008

They Call Him Doctor Love...

Something Scipio says here got me thinking. You know what would be the best worst job in the world for Hal Jordan?

Relationship advice columnist. Seriously. It'd be awesome. Okay, admittedly, he'd probably be best utilized in a straight Dan Savage esque sex columnist role, but that wouldn't be nearly as funny.

Imagine it. It'd be all...


Dear Doctor Love,

I've got this new job and my supervisor is incredibly hot. I'm a good looking guy and fairly good with the ladies, but she doesn't even know I'm alive! What do I do?

-Curiously Overlooked Courtship King


Dear COCK,

Well, it's simple of course. Step one is to constantly stand in her space and make inappropriate comments regarding your relationship. Don't worry about sexual harassment charges. They're only for ugly guys. She wants it, man.

Step two is to get a secret identity. Find some reason to wander around in spandex and a mask. Save her life and romance her some but never tell her who you are. Mess with her head a lot and court her as both of you.

Step three is to get her either turned into or possessed depending on your retcon into a being that is either the personification of lust or a feminazi amazon queen who probably won't be adverse to a romp in the hay as long as you call her "your majesty" during it. Either way, the coast is clear.

Go forth and...heh...multiply,

-Doctor Love.


Okay, I'm done now. Heh.


  • At June 19, 2008 1:07 AM, Blogger Ami Angelwings said…


    That was hilarious XDDD

    I think we need to do an advice columinst thing for every superhero! :D

    .. and villain :O

  • At June 19, 2008 10:15 AM, Blogger Sea-of-Green said…

    LOL! :-)

    Even scarier -- take "Doctor Love's" advice and put it completely OUTSIDE of the comic book and super-hero context. That's one seriously disturbed columnist!

  • At June 19, 2008 11:05 AM, Blogger SallyP said…

    Oh...oh Hal. Seriously, this is just too perfect. Unfortunately, you KNOW that Roy would religiously follow this advice. And so would Wally, Dick, Guy,Ollie...!

  • At June 19, 2008 11:50 PM, Blogger Tom Foss said…

    Dear Readers,
    Unfortunately, Doctor Love is incapacitated this week, due to a nasty blow to the head. Please enjoy this column from April.
    --Nurse Like


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