Thinking about the Fantastic Four Death

I always find it amusing when comics are marketed with "One main character is going to DIE!" Personally, my prediction is Johnny Storm. It seems like it's his turn. But then I'm never right about these things. Seriously, you should go back through this blog and look for my predictions. I am invariably, inevitably wrong.

It's kind of the same way I should never be the navigator in a car ride to a new place. Because seriously? ALWAYS wrong. You could seriously get anywhere successfully going the exact opposite of where I suggest.

But anyway, I enjoy the marketing because well, I've always been a fan about the way that death means very little in comics. I know it annoys some people, but well, death is permanent enough in the real world I figure, that if a writer can think of a half-decent way to bring back a likeable character, I'm all for it. I really enjoyed the entire Captain America death and then rebirth arc.

That said, I've never really been that big on the Fantastic Four. I kind of liked the teen take in Ultimate, and I actually enjoyed the movies (mock my poor taste), so I don't know that I'll care that much. I'll be interested to see how it shakes out though.

On a purely biased note, I really really hope it's not Sue. Which means it probably will be. I know she's the glue that holds the team together, but it always strikes me as cliche to kill the token girl (even temporarily) for angst. It's sexist of me, but I'd rather they kill a guy. Besides, I could swear she's died a few times already, but I might be blurring stories together.

My vote would actually be for the awful robot from the sixties cartoon. Sure it'd be false advertizing, but would anyone really mind watching it die?

A Joke That Doesn't Work for Me

So, today I want to blog about Privilege Denying Riker and similar accounts.

I'll disclaim right away that I get that it's a joke, and I admit that there are particularly entries that made me snicker. But the truth is, these sorts of feminist* in-jokes make me uncomfortable, and I can't help but think that they do more harm than good.

(* The timing is what makes me assume the creators are feminists. The twitter account began during the Michael Moore controversy re: Julian Assange. But ultimately, no matter which social activist group created the account, I think the problems stand.)

The thing about caricature is that it's supposed to be recognizable and it uses exaggeration to prove its point. But the problem with privilege is that, by its very nature, it's unconscious.

We are all privileged in some way. Each one of us has some quality about us that gives us a particular advantage in some particular situation that we never consider. We assume that our advantage is normal, that everyone is treated like we are. We won't notice the inequality in the system until we're made aware of it.

And it doesn't matter how enlightened we are or how open, at some point we're going to get whacked in the face with our privilege. After all, what happened when the guy with no shoes met the guy with no feet?

The thing is, very few people want to be racist/sexist/classist/ablest or so on. We are at least enlightened enough in our culture to know that it's bad to be these things. Which means, for many people (including me), being called on privilege leads to an internal war of "NO WAY! I'm not racist/..."

I understand that the jokes like the Riker one are designed to help people blow off steam. Privilege complicates any discussion of social issues. It's hard to get people to acknowledge their privilege, because it's hard for people to even see their privilege. Most people who make privileged statements believe that their statements are reasonable is because in their experience they are. This is a big obstacle.

But ultimately, this is why I don't like jokes like the Riker one. The problem isn't the jokes. It's that they attach the word "privilege".

See, a lot of people have no idea what the concept of privilege means. They hear it as a buzzword in social discussions and think "Oh, that's bad! I don't want to be privileged!" They get defensive when it's pointed out. And even people who KNOW what it means get defensive.

As an example, consider the tension around race in the feminist community. There are women who've fought their entire lives to be able to take on men at equal footing turning around and denying the experiences of fellow women because these women aren't white. You would think that actively fighting against one type of privilege would make people more sensitive to being on the other side. But it doesn't.

The key element to privilege is that it's insidious. When I say something privileged, I don't realize it's privileged until later. Sometimes I catch it when I see/hear it. Sometimes I don't. The truth is, if I said it, it's because it seemed perfectly reasonable to me at the time.

So when you have the word "privilege" attached to blatantly idiotic statements like:

Hear these Bajorians talking about how Dukat raped them. Sure, they were prisoners, but how does that effects consent. They didn't say no.

Look, while there are always exceptions, I think the vast majority of nerds and geeks are going to look at that statement and see how stupid it is.

Another example:

Really, could there be a better interpreter of Jazz than a white military officer from Alaska? Appropriation rules!

The twitter is doubtlessly lampooning real statements by real people, I don't doubt that. But it's a lampoon, an exaggeration. The most agregiously privileged denying people aren't going to recognize themselves in statements like that. It's too overt, it calls out the dichotomy too much.

Worse, it means that someone who may be growing some awareness of their own privilege may look at it and go "Well, I'm not THAT bad! So I'm good!"

Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's going to bring an end to social discussion or that it's going to suddenly make privileged behavior okay. But it bothers me, in the sense that I think it's the exact opposite of the persuasive and effective tool that satire is intended to be.

(And tangentially, as a Trek fan, I think it doesn't really work as an effective critique of the show. The account focuses on areas that either the series has at least tried to address, i.e. the Cardassian occupation/rapes, or such cartoonish exaggerations that ignore the more insidious problematic elements. For example, the blatant lack of cultural awareness among crew members for the aliens in their midst. What about their treatment of Data and other artificial lifeforms or their tendency to laugh at/disparage Betazoid or Klingon culture? The paternalistic qualities of the Prime Directive: we won't interfere, but we WILL beam you into our holodeck so we can take you to a new non-exploding planet without ever telling you of it? Because it's far more of a violation to inform you of the dangers/options than it is to take your choice out of it entirely. But that's the subject for another blog post.)

I know that jokes don't have to be educational. I'm pretty sure this account is only intended for the people who would find it amusing. I'm not arguing that the creators should take it down to suit my delicate sensibilities. But it does leave a bad aftertaste in my mouth so I felt I'd articulate why.

Musical Comics?

So, I didn't know about this, but I've learned via Blog@ that there is apparently a Glee comic book...

Okay, I have to admit as much as I think many shows should have comic book adaptations, I don't think I've ever thought of Glee as one of them.

Granted, I'm not a fan of the series in general, so I may be biased. But I thought the point of Glee was the singing and songs, not so much characters or setting.

Unless they have sheet music in the comic. I'd be interested to see that. Maybe I'm just too old/cynical/soulless to get it though.

Is the comic any good?

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates it! If you don't, have a happy holiday that you do celebrate!

Either way! Have lots of fun!

Okay this is really cool.

I think people should make cute CGI animation explaining any mishap relating to comics. It'd be fun!

(That said, I do feel bad for the injured performers. It sounds like the stunts are pretty dangerous.)

Too bad they aren't making it an animated musical. Marvel IS owned by Disney now, isn't it?

So, yeah...

I saw the solicits for March, and god damnit. I'm gonna be spending a lot of money that month, that's all I'm saying.

Damn you, Marvel, and your gratuitous Captain America milking.

I'm such a sucker. :-P

Looking forward to yet another event comic!

*sigh* Every time I get out, they suck me back in.

This looks pretty good to me.

And I can't believe I once complained about Steve's costume, because now, somehow it's become one of my favorites. I think it's the hair. He looks younger this way.

But mostly I'm excited by that whole Cyclops - Magneto prologue image. Because, I've been loving his slide into darkness, (I think it's logical and in character for reasons I blogged about a year or so ago) but I love it more when it looks like there'll be a point and a resolution.

So yeah, I'll be reading. :-)

Action Figures

If you could have any action figure that (as far as you know at least) doesn't exist, what would it be?

For me, it'd be Ranx. Just because I don't collect action figures very often, so if I were gonna get one, I'd want it to be awesome.

Mogo would be cool too of course, but I think I could probably make my own version with an inflatable ball and some paint. Whereas I probably couldn't make a version of Ranx that my cat wouldn't eat mid-building session.

My Head Hurts With Glorious Pain

I'm sorry, I was going to have a post today, but I got distracted by a soap opera marathon that contained two exchanges that completely shoved all coherent thought out of my head:

1. Two lawyers discussing a client of theirs who had just been sued for wrongful death (a civil matter): Paraphrased

Lawyer A: "I don't suppose any judges owe you any favors?"

Lawyer B: "Judge Hudson owes me a favor. I'll give him a call and with any luck we can get this matter dismissed before it ever goes to trial."

2. Those same lawyers discussing why Lawyer A can't represent their client in this case.

Lawyer B: "Need I remind you, you defended this same client for a criminal murder trial when you were actually the one who killed him."

Lawyer A: "It was self-defense! He slipped and fell onto my knife!" (Best line of the episode. Second best line of the week after the cow pasture exchange)

Lawyer B: "Be that as it may, any judge would insist that you recuse yourself immediately."

--

Yep. God I love Soap Operas. I really really do. And this is a goldmine for me, because normally they just totally botch criminal law. It's a rare and wonderful blessing when they start botching MY area of legal procedure.

Especially when the soap takes place in my jurisdiction. I'm pretty sure it's supposed to take place in the Fourth Department, even.

This will be fun. And brain-hurty. I wouldn't expect coherent posts from me for the next month or so. Hee.

Why I Find Damian Wayne Funny:

While perusing the WFA massive update last weekend, I found myself intrigued by a couple of posts under the heading "Damian Wayne, the littlest misogynist."

That heading actually makes me twitch a little, because honestly, I think it takes more than sexist commentary to make a misogynist. But that's tangential. The real point is that the posters are wondering why so many people find little Damian Wayne funny rather than offensive.

Now, I haven't read all of Morrison's run yet and I've certainly not read all of Damian's guest appearances in other comics, but since everything I HAVE read involving the character tends to make me giggle, I thought I'd give a stab at answering this question. Please note, that humor is subjective and I'm one person. Others probably have their own reasons.

But for me, the thought process goes as follows:

1) He's like ten years old.

This is similar to why I find Cartman funny on South Park despite being a racist, genocidal monster. Yes, it probably wouldn't be as funny in an adult character. But this is a kid. It's incongruous, and therefore funny.

2) He's like ten years old.

Combat prowess aside, he's pretty harmless. We're not likely going to be seeing this kid beating up his girlfriend, for example. He's small, he's cute. And he's not really much of a physical threat beyond standard superhero kid hijinx.

3) He's like ten years old.

He's young enough to be taught better. And I tend to find stories where sane adults (especially sane adults unaccustomed to being mentor figures) have to try to civilize poorly socialized young people to be generally hilarious.

4) He's like ten years old.

All of the sane, normal adults around Damian clearly don't agree with what he's saying. This is the case of one small child parroting something that is clearly out of place with the values of the people around him and the readers. If Dick, at any point, seemed to AGREE with him, I would find THAT offensive. But every comic I've seen involved Dick either busy, not present, or amusingly exasperated at Damian's commentary.

5) He's like ten years old.

This probably means that he's less misogynist by nature and it's more a product of his very warped by our cultural standards upbringing.

See, I have a streak of gallows humor. I'm sure this shocks you as I have never once mocked, say, how horrible a mentor Wesley Dodds was to little Sandy even before he turned him into a sand monster and lied about it, or made endless wisecracks about any of the endlessly traumatic events in Scott Summers' childhood. (Or for that matter, the fact that in an alternate timeline, the man put down a TARP before committing suicide.) Things that would never be funny in real life tend to provoke horrified laughter from me when encountered in fiction.

Depictions of Damian's upbringing have tended to push that button for me as well. His culturally inappropriate commentary adds to that effect in the "Oh my GOD, WHAT have they been teaching this poor kid?!" way. And then I can't do anything but laugh.

So basically, the answer is:

It's funny because he's ten.

Now if he's still saying the same shit at sixteen? There might be an issue. Maybe not (my favorite lantern IS Guy Gardner after all), but right now, I'm going to continue to find Damian very amusing.

Another one?

So um, what's with the sudden trend of bringing D-list comic book heroes to television?

Don't get me wrong, I'm always glad to see heroines getting the spotlight. But Jessica Jones seems like an odd choice. Raven too, for that matter.

On the other hand though, I tend to enjoy comic book inspired tv, even when it bears little to no resemblance to the original comic. So I'll probably enjoy them anyway.

As long as they cast someone hot as the love interest. I'm shallow. :-)

Request for Recommendations

This past weekend, I got a cat. She's very cute and affectionate (I picked her because she was very good at prostituting herself for attention at the humane society) and like all cats, she really likes sitting on my computer.

Because I'm so full of "new pet owner/slave" glee, I've decided I want to read comics (or books) with pets in them. They could be talking or not, have powers or not. I don't mind either way.

So recommend me something? What's your favorite fictional pet?

Weird Thought

You know what crossover pairing would amuse me?

Harvey Dent and Wanda Maximoff.

Because well, neither are the sanest tools in the shed at the moment, but mostly because there's something interesting about a guy who bases his decisions on a coin flip dating a girl with powers over probability/reality.

It probably wouldn't work out, but I'm amused at the thought.

Strange Reactions

Aw, apparently Brenda Starr is retiring (being retired?).

It's funny, I don't really have the attention span to follow storyline newspaper comics (I'm not much for following full storylines five panels at a time) so I've never really read much Brenda Starr.

At the same time, I feel oddly sentimental about the whole thing even though the most thought I've ever really devoted to the strip was "What's with the sparkles on her face and why doesn't anyone ever comment on that?"

Is that weird? It's almost like the end of an era or something. I'll miss seeing it in the newspaper. Maybe I should give reading it another shot.

Oooo.

I missed blogging about the Green Lantern trailer when it came out because my life got eaten by work/NaNo/other bits of life, but I'm back in action just in time for:

THOR

I gotta admit, I didn't know what to make of the beginning but once they showed Asgard I got hooked.

It looks pretty entertaining!

A Raven TV show?

One side benefit to Ragnell and my little pet project is that I actually have motivation to keep up to date on comic news better than I've been in a long time. I'm still a bit behind, but I'm catching up.

For example, I hadn't heard this gossip about a Raven series in the vein of "Smallville".

On one hand, I'm kind of skeptical. Raven as a character never did much for me. (As Titans girls go, I preferred Starfire's cheerful lack of subtlety to Raven's endless angst.) But I can't deny that she seemed to be one of the most popular characters of the Teen Titans cartoons.

She's got a good backstory to fit into Supernatural type marketing, and she allows for a bit more freedom in storytelling I think than Smallville does. (Have they put that boy into the costume yet? He's like thirty-five by now!)

It'll all depend on marketing, I think. Maybe writing too, but honestly, I never thought Birds of Prey was much worse than Smallville quality-wise, so you never really know what'll click.

But I'd be interested in seeing where they go with it. :-)

Soaps and the Comic Fan or vice versa

So, I've moved into a new place (no more 1 hour and fifteen minute drive each way to work!) and I'm enjoying it!

I've also, regretfully, started re-watching a certain soap opera (If you're curious, General Hospital. I'm the only person I know who likes the crap-ass ridiculous mob stuff. It's hilarious to me, and I'd much rather see pretty men try to kill each other stupidly than yet more hospital soap shenanigans. If I want that I'll watch Grey's Anatomy. Whereas I can't think of another soap-type show that does the mafia so entertainingly awful. So there you go.) It's a masochistic thing really, that I doubt I'll have the attention span to maintain, but it is much more entertaining than god-awful reality shows.

It's reminded me of my assertion that if superhero comics really want female readers, Minx and other type comics were the wrong idea. Those MIGHT get some of the manga crowd, but then the manga crowd is usually spending their money on actual manga.

But if you want an audience who really appreciates boggled down continuity, needing a vague knowledge of three or four decades of plot to know what's going on, rampant retcons, deaths that mean nothing, love triangles between assholes, the sudden re-emergence of characters that sane writers would have left forgotten back in 1988, and so on, you really should aim for soap fans.

And it's not even that the powers or spandex would throw them off. Not when there (were) soaps like Passions (with the witches, dolls, and so on), Port Charles (Lucy the Vampire Hunter!!!) or even more serious ones like Days of Our Lives (Satan possesses Marlena) or General Hospital (The Ice Princess Storyline?.)

Hell, paranormal romances are big in the romance novel world right now after all (and Marjorie Liu's is writng X-13's comic right now. She's not to my taste, but there we go.

Allow me to illustrate what I mean by describing a few situations:

1) A billionnaire with world domination intentions builds a machine to control the weather, murders a few minor characters, and then is thwarted by our adventuring heroes.

Is it a comic book plot? Probably. But it's also the Ice Princess story from General Hospital!

2) The nicest, most self-effacing guy in the cast gets brain damage, becomes a thug and eventually develops a knack for firearms and healing what ought to be mortal wounds in a shorter than normal period of time.

Am I talking about Guy Gardner? Or am I talking about Jason Morgan? (Who got, I kid you not, crushed by a building, shot in point blank range twice, and a WEEK later was fine and having shirtless sex scenes with no bullet wounds or anything. And given how weirdly time passes, he was still wearing the same clothes he got shot in! Before he took them off anyway! It's HILARIOUS.)

3) The son of a hero appears to die in an explosion, but is in fact captured and imprisoned by his father's archenemy who spends that time brainwashing him to kill his father. Which of course he then tries to do.

I'm just saying, I think Lucky Spencer ought to go out drinking with Bucky Barnes sometime. They even both seem to be dating feisty redheads at the moment.

4) Twenty years after an arch-villain originally died, attacking a hero and heroine, it's revealed that his mother had been keeping his body in cryogenic stasis only to be revived, looking much younger than he ought, and inclined to commit mass mayhem.

Do I really need to go on?

The key is in advertising. All the elements that would draw this audience in to comic books are there already. You just need to re-spin how you market it.

"Jean Grey was dead. But now she's back, to find her husband sleeping with his old mistress. Will she fight for him? Or will she go elsewhere to find love? And how will HE react when the woman he thought lost forever comes back in his life (again)?"

"Erik Lensherr is planning to take over Scott Summers's organization, while he fights his growing attraction to one of the members, known only as Rogue. Will he succeed? Or will he be distracted from his ultimate goal?"

"Susan Storm has long felt neglected by her husband, Reed Richards. What happens when she must work with a very attentive ex-suitor, Prince Namor? Will sparks fly, or will Sue remain true to her marriage?"

"Kyle Rayner has found love with his co-worker Doctor Soranik Natu, but what will happen when he discovers she's the long-lost daughter of his archenemy, Sinestro? More importantly, what will Sinestro do when he learns about the relationship?"

You try! Feel free to use an existing plot or make up your own! (It's not like any of the ones I've suggested are terribly unlikely after all.)

Really, modern comics are pretty soapy anyway. But there's nothing that says that among the umpteen X-Men or Batman spinoffs there can't be one that focuses more on the emotional ramifications of what goes on, either. I mean, if they can devote HOW many issues of X-Men Legacy to an amnesiac Charles Xavier learning just how much of a dick he really is (I loved that storyline, I'm not gonna lie) then it seems like a spinoff that plays up the soap aspect and downplays the action (but not too much! Soaps are surprisingly violent!) isn't too far out of the question.

And trust me. Non-sensical heavy continuity is not going to scare most of these women off.

("Why's that guy going to jail?" "It's part of a deal to protect the kid." "I thought the kid's parents were the scheming woman and the guy who does nothing but stare out the window." "Well, yes. The brooding guy's his adoptive father." "...so this guy's his real father?" "No, he's his uncle. He pretended to be his real father though when the kid was born because the kid's mom didn't know whether he was the son of her husband - who she stole from her long lost mom - or her one-night stand with his drunk brother." "..." "The truth eventually came out, and she married the drunk brother, but then planned to divorce him and go back to that guy, but then had hate-sex at the same time that that guy was shot and ended up marrying the staring guy, who is this guy's boss, and ended up adopting the kid." "Wait. This guy's like thirty-five. That kid's eighteen." "...you get used to that.")

Or.

("Why is Rick Springfield on this show and why does he look like a corpse?" "Um, well, he used to be on the show back in the seventies where he dated that one nurse who's the mother of the mob boss's ex-wife. The girl doctor, who's parents were those secret agents during the 80s, brought him to save the mob henchman's life because of complications from a drug taken to jog his memory. Anyway, his hotshot son is now married to the girl doctor." "So...WHY does he look like a corpse?" "...because he's Rick Springfield?")

I'm just saying, General Hospital started the same year as the X-Men. And where the X-Men only ever had to deal with a handful of issues a month, for continuity? Soap Operas? Air one-hour long episodes, five days a week. And that's not even going into crossovers.

Soap opera fans laugh at your "non-newbie friendly continuity". I'm just saying.

I'm not saying all soap fans would enjoy comics or that all comic readers would enjoy soap operas, but I definitely think there's an untapped market crossover potential that if *I* were a comic exec, I'd try to exploit.

Besides, anything that could potentially end up with a meeting and team up between Erica Kane and Bruce Wayne (might not be my soap, but I'd watch/read it) would be awesome. :-P

MEME!

Edited to add my LIST:

Today's batch is themed with 80s cartoons, sci-fi and even a few comic book characters to boot!

1. Major/Colonel Kira Nerys (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine)
2. Major/Colonel John Sheppard (Stargate Atlantis)
3. Jem/Jerrica Benton (Jem and the Holograms)
4. She-Ra/Princess Adora (She-Ra: Princess of Power)
5. Shane Gooseman (Galaxy Rangers)
6. Sven (Voltron)
7. Ice/Tora Olafsdottir (DCU)
8. Green Lantern/Hal Jordan (DCU)
9. Rogue (Marvel)
10. Gambit (Marvel)


bookslide asks:

2 and 4 go to the opposite side (good guys go bad, bad guys go good). What happens to make the change, and what happens afterward?

Hmm, John Sheppard and She-Ra both go dark side.

John's pretty...well, he's pulls some verging on the dark side stuff in season 4, particularly, but somehow always manages to stay just on this side of light. So I'll go with either villainous brainwashing or turning into a giant blue bug again. Either way, it'll probably end up with one of his team talking him down until the others knock him out and drag him back to Atlantis to deal with it.

She-Ra, well, she did already have a villain-to-hero turn. So I'll go with magic spell from Shadow Weaver. The Rebels will have to go call He-Man again, for another cute crossover adventure.

8 gets a job with the carnival. What's the job?

Hal Jordan? Runs the Kissing Booth, of course.

3 and 7 are really into some traditional American sport. What is it, and how ridiculous do they get at the matches?

Hmm. Jem and Tora. Got to admit, I can't really see those two girls at a football game (though could you IMAGINE how turned on that would make Guy Gardner?).

So I'll cheat and go with Soccer. The guys are generally hot, and it's popular in Europe. :-)

1 and 5 fall in love. What's the fallout?

Kira and Goose fall in love?

A lot of explosions. A lot.

And Quark mocks Kira for dating jailbait.

6, 9, and 10 team up. What do they do?

Sven, Rogue and Gambit team up...

Well, Sven probably dies gets heroically injured again. So he'll get taken out early. Rogue will be nice to him, and maybe flirt, and Gambit will get jealous and annoy the hell out of me.

Seangreyson asks:

3 has to marry 7, 8 or 9 to save the Earth from invasion. Who does 3 choose?

Jem has to marry Ice, Hal, or Rogue to save the Earth.

Well, the most probable choice is Hal. Seeing as how Jem seemed to be straight in the cartoon (Kimber, on the other hand...). Also, she seems prone to dating self-absorbed assholes.

notintheface asks:

All 10 characters get Facebook pages. Who friends who? What kind of content is on each of their walls? Who unfriends who?

Hmm, well, I picked all good guys this time around, so really I could see them all friending each other. Kira, John and Goose probably all have shared interest in mayhem. Almost all of them are on teams and have shared some kind of leadership role and so on.

Kira posts current events news about Bajor, the Federation, and politics.

John just uses it to plan team get togethers.

Ice and Sven talk back and forth in Scandinavian languages.

Hal and Gambit flirt with girls online all the time.

Jem posts concert footage. Scott Summers always tries to get Rogue to get him her autograph.

She-Ra uses hers to keep in touch with her brother.

Rogue and Gambit used to cyber all the time, but thankfully stopped.

I don't really imagine any of them unfriending any of the others.

D asks:

1 has stolen 40 cakes. What does 9 think?

Rogue will end up turning to Beast and saying that Star Trek has gotten much weirder lately.

2 and 8 dress up as Hal Jordan. Who gets hit on the head first, and who wins best behind?

John Sheppard and ...Hal Jordan. Oh dear.

Well, I think Hal probably gets hit on the head first, though John's will probably accompany more trauma and a doubtlessly insane reaction.

Hal wins best behind also, because well, John's kind of scrawny.

3 is told by Sally Floyd that he/she is not a REAL American and that pop culture floatism is the true worth of a person. 3's response?

Jem will sing a profoundly meaningful song about child labor in China, of course.

5 is told by the Devil that they must give up their marriage/S.O. in order to save an old woman. 5's answer?

Well, Gooseman, my shipper heart aside, ends his series unattached. And is about 19 anyway, and thus probably too young to really be tied down.

That said, I think he'd resort to the "blow that fucker up" approach. He's fun that way.

7 discovers a group of heroes are building a prison in the Negative Zone and are planning on shooting another hero into space without a trial. What does 7 do?

I imagine Ice would not approve. And she has connections. I'd like to think that she'd start via diplomatic channels, then bring Superman into the mix if that didn't work. Somehow I don't think it'd fly with him.

10 is approached by the Avengers, Teen Titians, and the Agents of Atlas. Which team does he/she join?

Considering how old Rogue is when he started macking on her? I'll go with Teen Titans.

3 is approached by the Justice League of America, the Defenders, and the Secret Six. Which team does he/she join?

I enjoy the thought of Jem in the Justice League. They always seemed like they'd need music videos.

5 finds a red, blue, and a yellow power ring. Which Corp do they join?

Aw. While he does have something of a temper, it usually requires a bit to set it off. He's the soft spoken Eastwood type parody anyway.

I'll go with blue, since he's got the whole "I have to save/capture my colleagues" thing going on. It's not really the best fit, but it works better than the others.

6 wakes up in between 2 and 8. 4's reponse?

Sven wakes up between John Sheppard and Hal Jordan. He's kind of a calm, low-key guy, so I imagine he'll just swear off Arusian alcohol, roll over and go back to sleep

Now HAL's reaction should be priceless.

4 and 8 are playing strip Clue. Who ends up naked first?

She-Ra vs. Hal. Well, let's be honest. Hal's no brain trust. So I'm going with Hal.

Rogue wakes up in 2's body. What do they do?

I'd imagine she would take the opportunity to touch as many people as possible without hurting them. This will promptly get her stunned by Ronon Dex, because the idea of John Sheppard willingly touching anyone is pretty much an indicator of mind-control.

7 is tasked with creating a new series staring 3. What is their pitch?

Ice creating a series starring Jem. Eurovision, DCU style.

Dude, I've seen what Scandinavians come up with.* It'd be awesome.

(*blatant stereotyping)

6 decides to dress up as Robin. Does 4 help or hinder 6?

I think She-Ra will be very confused, but would totally help Sven. She understands the joy of leotards and boots.

5 is kissed by Kyle Rayner. How long before he/she dies?

Gooseman survived a black hole, so I think Kyle wouldn't necessarily be able to KILL him.

He'll probably end up amnesiac on a planet with his bio-defenses gone crazy again though.

Easier job for 8-marriage counselor for Green Arrow or drinking buddy for Guy?

It's Hal. He's done both. He was better at drinking buddy too (as long as he doesn't pass out first, because he'll totally wake up with "penis" written on his forehead.)

4 wakes uo to discover he/she is in the FUNKEY WINKERBEAN universe. The response?

I suspect She-Ra will be very confused.

D also asks:

1, 9, 8, and 4 form a band. Who plays what?

Kira, Hal, Ice and She-Ra form a band.

For some weird reason, I've always imagined Kira as a drummer. Ice can be the keyboardist. She-Ra the vocalist, and Hal the guitarist.

It comes to an end when Hal gets beaned by a falling yellow spotlight.

2,5, and 3 decide to form a Joise & the Pussycats tribute band. Who wears the long tails and ears for hats, and (6 through 10) who decides to sabotage the group so they can join?

John, Shane and Jem.

Well, Goose and Jem actually have musical experience (80s battle of the bands episodes FTW). John always struck me as being tone deaf, so they'll use him for eye-candy and he'll have to wear ears and tails. (Jem would wear 'em anyway, and Gooseman probably won't unless blackmailed.)

I'll go with Ice. It's always the sweet ones.

6 is trapped in an elevator with Superboy Prime. What does 6 do?

Probably die, become "seriously injured"

D also asks:

1 through 5 are trapped as zombified version of 6 through 10 are outside. How do they handle this?

Well, given that it's Kira, John, Jem, She-Ra and Shane Gooseman, I'm guessing they involve it with a lot of explosions, violence, and a music video.

Pulp version (1 through 10)
Who is the square-jawed hero?
Who is the mustache twirling villian?
Who is the damsel in distress?
Who is the plucy comic relief?

Hmm, Hero: Hal Jordan. He's got the square jaw.

Villain: Gambit. Not because he's evil, but he's the only one I can see twirling a mustache.

Damsel: Well, more honestly, it'd probably be Jem, but it amuses me more to suggest John Sheppard.

Comic Relief: Sven. Because I will laugh when he dies becomes "seriously injured."

D asks:

Giallo verison (6 though 10)
Who is the bystander who gets caught up in the crime?
Who is the red herring?
Who is the real killer? (bonus points if you reveal why)

Sven is the bystander, and will die become "seriously injured".

Gambit's the red herring, because he's an X-Man and that's his luck. (Rogue is second choice herring).

The actual killer is Ice because she's pissed off about what Judd Winick did to her backstory.

80's horror (1 through 6)
Who is the Final girl/guy?
Who is the jerk?
Who is the stoner?
Who is the useless authority figure?
Who is expert/weird loner?
Who is the killer?

Hmm, well, She-Ra, John and Kira are all authority figures, but they're all fairly good at their jobs. I'll go with Jem as useless authority figure, because she's supposedly a band leader, but needed a hologram machine to actually do something.

John is lazy and laid-back seeming, so he's the stoner.

Gooseman is a loner type, with weird expertise. But I'll pick Sven, because the expert always dies gets seriously injured.

Kira's cranky sometimes, so she's the jerk.

Since the virgin lasts longest, I'll call Gooseman as the final one.

This leaves She-Ra as the killer, it's somewhat implausble, but the Whispering Woods was full of people I wouldn't mind seeing her go serial killer on so I'll go with it.

D asks:

Harder for 5: beating the Red Hulk or ballroom dancing with 3?

Ballroom dancing, but Niko will teach him, so it will be adorable.

A war is brewing between heroes. How does 9 stop it?

Well, she's a Marvel hero and an X-Man to boot so I don't really put a lot of stock in her peace-making ability. I guess she can drain them?

2 must work with John Bryne. How does it end?

I think Byrne would be confused at Sheppard's insistance that his characters talk too much about feelings, and that maybe any sex should be of the glowy incorporeal variety.

D asks:

1,3,4,9 all decide to form a super team of their own. What is their name?

Hmm. Kira, Jem, She-Ra and Rogue.

I have no idea, but it would be awesome. My vote would be "Helmut Sparkle".

2,5,6,10 become their arch foes. What is their name, and what fiendish plot are they hatching?

John, Gooseman, Sven and Gambit.

Well, I'd imagine their plot is to somehow cause mass explosions and injure themselves.

John Sheppard and Shane Gooseman would survive.

Sven would get dead "seriously injured".

Gambit would hit on the women and skeeve me out.

Movie night: 7 is picking the films for 1 through 10. What genre does he/she pick?

Hmm. Ice is a considerate girl. I'd go pulp sci-fi. It's familiar enough to She-Ra, Kira, John, and Sven.

Something like Barbarella would appeal to Gambit and Hal.

Jem would enjoy the terrible costumes, and Rogue well, her adopted mom is a blue woman in a kinky dress, so I think she'd enjoy it too.

8 becomes trapped in the Glaxy of Terror. What hidden fear does 8 encounter, and does he/she die?

Impotence. And no, but it's close.

LurkerWithout asks:

1 is found in bed with 3 by 5 while staying a
7 (who 1 secretly loves) countryside estate. 7 is married to 9 (who is having an affair with 5) but has been friends with 1 since college...

2 is found murdered. Was it 4, 6 or 8? All have motives involving money and/or revenge. Only Inspector 10 can solve it!

Hmm, well. Gambit. So it's kind of fucked anyway.

I'm going with Sven, but not for money or revenge, but because John's deathwish threatens the only thing Sven actually managed to DO in his series.

D asks:

Jim Balent version:
8 finds him/her self forced to team up with Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose. How do they get along?

Hal Jordan? Well, I think HE'd have fun.

4 stumbles into the Skeleton Man. How long before his bumbling makes 4 snap?

She-Ra's got a lot of patience for bumblers, so she'd probably put up with a lot. Besides, she seems to have a taste for beta men.

7 encounters Raven Hex as she plans to unleash hell upon the mortal world (again). What does 7 do, and what fashion advice does 7 give the clothing challenged witch?

Ice is a nice girl, so I'd imagine they talk it out for a while. And being from a cold climate, with a (usually) fairly modest wardrobe, I'm sure she could introduce her to some fetching items that could actually cover her.

10 interrupts a lover's spat between a bi-curious werecat and a cheerleader themed vampire. What does 10 say to settle things, and does 2 believe him/her afterward?

I kind of imagine Gambit channeling Quagmire of Family Guy all of "You ladies ever been penetrated?"

When they team up to beat the crap out of him, it resolves things.

John Sheppard is skeptical, but doubtlessly heard stranger.

D asks:

3 sees a girl pulling a football away from a round headed kid before he can kick it. What does 3 do?

Jem sings a song about the importance of sharing. Then Lucy kicks her in the shin and runs off to join the Misfits.

7 gets a rock. What does 7 do with it?

I like the thought that she gives it to Guy. Guy seems like the sort that'd appreciate the gesture. And he'd take good care of a pet rock.

10 has to direct a Christmas play. Of 1 through 9, who plays what?

Gambit's Christmas play. Hmm. What roles are there?

Mary - Well, Kira did get pregnant without having sex sorta. So I guess she works.

Joseph - John Sheppard would probably enjoy the whole 'not having to sleep with his wife' thing.

Jesus - Um, well, Sven does die get "seriously injured" for our sins..

Angels - Jem can sing an angelic 80s rock beat to enlighten the Shepherds. Shane shapechanges, so I bet he can grow wings.

Shepherd - Hal Jordan, because I cannot in good conscience make him a wise man

Wise Men - She-Ra, Tora, Rogue.

D asks:

9 gets waylaid in a town filled with hungry ghouls. What does 9 do?

Depends on her powers at the time, but I'd like to think she punches shit.

5 is trapped in a mall filled with zombies. The end result?

That poor mall will never be the same.

What would 1 do for a Klondike bar?

Kill Quark. (But she probably doesn't need the Klondike bar)

It's 3 AM and 4 and 6 have the munchies. Where do they go?

She-Ra and Sven. I don't remember either series really having a culinary master, so I'll go with Helmut Sparkle and his hobo feeding extravaganza.

8 discovers someone made a adult spoof of him/her. What is 8's reaction?

Complaints that the lead actor isn't "sufficiently endowed." Guy just snorts beer out his nose and laughs "You wish."

Willow-Bee the Cat said:

1 thru 4 have to do a group project on the book Wicked for a literature class at a local community college. Do they come to blows over differing opinions on the characters or do they manage to get the job done?

Hmm, Kira, John, Jem and She-Ra. I do imagine they'd have differing views on the characters. Kira's from Bajor after all, and John reads Russian literature, so I imagine they have a more depressing take than Jem or She-Ra (who might side with them or not.)

I suspect they can get along, especially once Jem sings a song about it.

5 is trying to set 6 up on a date with 7, while 8 is trying to set 6 up with 5 and 7 is trying to set up 6 and 8. What wacky hijinks ensue and how does 6 feel about everybody trying to set them up on a date?

Hmm, Goose trying to set Sven with Ice (well, they ARE both Scandinavian?) while Hal is trying to set Sven up with Goose (...not sure of that logic except that maybe he worries Goose will ruin his status as most virile male?), while Ice is trying to set up Sven and Hal (because she's a sweet girl, and possibly because Guy is bribing her.)

I think a fist fight breaks out, at the very least. Ice wins. Sven is bemused. And possibly dead "injured".

9 and 10 find out that there is fanfiction websites dedicated to 9/10 stories, what is their reaction. Do they think it's the plot of a supervillain? Do they just not care?

Gambit would be more amused than Rogue, but I suspect they wouldn't really care. Mr. Sinister must have been bored that week.

D asks:

A vampire tells 6 that he/she spent the night watching 6 sleep, then disabled the engine in 6's car/spaceship/power ring/means of transportation. The vampire also swears that 6 can never see his/her family again. 6's reponse?

Sven has access to a giant robot lion. I suspect his team will have something to say about the sabotage. Especially the royal family of Arus.

Said Vampire will probably get executed for treason. Sweet.

4 must make the world's greatest sandwich or the Earth is doomed. What does 4 put in the sandwich?

Hmm, probably weird Etherian ingredients. And magic. It'll be good but un-reproduceable.

8 is 120 miles from Chicago, it's dark. Does 8 wear sunglasses?

Nah, Hal is that much of a dork, but sunglasses aren't his style.

1 through 5
Who would wear an ascot?
Who is clumsy?
Who finds the clues?
Who would get the Scooby snacks?
Who would tolerate Scrappy-Doo?

I'll go with: Shane wears the ascot (because he does. AND is tall and blond)

John Sheppard is clumsy.

Kira Nerys finds the clues.

Jem gets the scooby snacks

And She-Ra tolerates scrappy because well, dealing with Madame Razz builds your tolerance.

D asks:

Thanksgiving time

1,4,6,9

Who cooks the turkey?
Who makes the dressing? (and what do they put in it?)
Who makes the side salad, and what kind is it? (congeled, cranberry, etc.)
Who brings the desert and what kind is it?

Kira, She-Ra, Sven and Rogue.

Kira cooks the turkey (it's an entertaining disaster).

She-Ra, since her headquarters is in the woods, makes salad. It involves those weird puff ball trees though.

Sven makes the dressing.

Rogue'll bring something good and deliciously southern. Like Mud pie or something.

D asks:

1 through 10
Who has the Touch?
Who has the Power?
Who never walks or runs?
Who's a fighter?
Who stands the ground?
Who never gives in when their back's to the wall?
Who fights to the end?
Who takes it all?
Who in the eye of the storm when all hell's breaking loose?
Who has the motion?

In order:

John Sheppard
She-Ra
Jem
Kira
Rogue
Hal
Sven
Gooseman
Ice
Gambit

D also asks:

Galaxy Rangers: the Movie

1,5,8: who makes the best director?

2,3,4,6,7,9, 10
Who plays what?

Kira, Gooseman or Hal. Kira actually. Gooseman's too close to the subject.

Of the others:

Zach: Rogue.
Niko: John Sheppard. I know he's older and more commonly a leader than Rogue, but Rogue's angstier and well, this keeps the gender swap complete.
Doc: I don't really have a hacker in this set-up, but Jem works closest with a computer AI I think, so we'll go with that.
Gooseman: She-Ra, Badass blond with superpowers. Easy mix.

Buzzwang: Gambit
Zozo: Ice (her badassery is under-appreciated)
Waldo: Sven.

D asks:

1,4
Who is truly, truly outrageous?
who is the starfire champion?

This was not intentional. But since She-Ra's from the 80s, I'll let her be outrageous to Kira's Starfire champion.

6 through 10
Who forms the feet and legs?
who forms the arms and torso?
And who forms the head?

Also not intentional.

Hmm.

Sven was a leg before he got killed "seriously injured", so we'll let him keep that.

I can never remember if Hunk or Pidge was the other leg. I think Pidge might have been, so we'll put Ice in his place.

The arms should be Lance and Hunk then. Rogue's a bruiser, and Gambit annoys me, so they can be the arms.

Finally, Hal gets to be the head. That poor mentally deficient robot.

It'll get hit with a yellow spaceship.

--

The end!

Slight delay on the meme, but I'll try to get the answers up this weekend. :-)