Pretty, Fizzy Paradise

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Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Knocking On Other People's Match-Ups

Okay, this kind of post is a fun idea for a hypothetical post, but I have to say, I don't agree with ANY of the possible match-ups. (found via.)

Well, maybe Bruce Wayne and Paris Hilton. I don't much care for her, but I could possibly see Bruce seeing the value in a girlfriend as vacant as she appears to be.* I mean, it's not as though this one would ever stumble across the batcave. Or even notice him go off to crime fight at all. I'd like to think, however, that Bruce would be able to find someone that vacant who's a little less trashy. I'm sure there are "party girl" types out there who at least have not been photographed sprawled drunkenly in a limo without undergarments.

(* In all fairness, I feel as though I should say that I don't know Paris Hilton from Adam, and she could well be quite smart for all I know. She certainly comes across very vacant however.)

Okay, maybe also Cassandra and Snake Eyes. Though I tend to think one quiet ninja type is enough for any couple. I'd rather pair her with someone who just wouldn't stop talking. I think I've said it before, but my ideal couple that never was would be Cassandra Cain and Bart Allen. The challenge of reading body language of someone who never stands still would be interesting. And also, it'd be cute.

Probably the most WTF pairing on there is Namor and Ann Coulter. I mean really. How unfair is that to poor Namor? A guy gets a little pissy and someone wants to pair him with Ann freakin' Coulter?

Though I suppose I shouldn't talk, because all of a sudden I got the notion that I'd love to see a first date between Namor and a Doctor Laura type media figure. I don't think it could possibly go beyond a first date, and in truth, I have no idea how even the one date could come about, but I have the distinct feeling it would be hilarious.


  • At January 13, 2009 10:43 AM, Blogger Marshall Ryan Maresca said…

    Paris Hilton is a good match for Bruce, if for no other reason than she's an attention sponge. She could even be in on his secret identity to help. They're at some big event, and the Batsignal goes off and.... whoops, Paris has "somehow" fallen out of her dress. Cameras flash like crazy, focus all on her... and no one noticed that Bruce Wayne just slipped out the back door.

  • At January 13, 2009 10:44 AM, Blogger SallyP said…

    I can't help thinking that the Ann Coulter/Namor pairing is doomed. DOOMED! In fact, I can't see it lasting more than about five seconds before he feeds her to an octopus or something.

    Oddly enough, I suppose that the Paris Hilton/Batman pairing would work, because it would be so very handy for Bruce to have a clueless blonde to cover for him. She'd probably not even NOTICE that he's slipped out to answer the bat-signal! Which is why he should be paired up with Dumb Bunny from the Inferior Five, but I do believe that she's now married to Ambush Bug so that's out.

  • At January 13, 2009 10:45 AM, Blogger kalinara said…

    The downside would be with so many cameras around, it'd be easy for someone after the fact to notice he's conveniently absent from so many pictures.

    I mean, scandals work at the time to distract, but if there's a lasting record to look at *later*, and someone observant enough to look, and you've got a problem.

  • At January 13, 2009 2:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Lord, Ms. Spears and Tony Stark? I know Civil War was bad, but does he really deserve that?

  • At January 14, 2009 6:13 AM, Blogger K. D. Bryan said…

    I think Dini actually had Bruce using a Paris Hilton-type character for a cover date to the Iceberg Lounge in an issue of 'Tec a while back. I think her yappy little dog got eaten by something and it made me happy.

    Also, I know Bendis has a running joke that Ult. Human Torch goes out with a horrible Paris Hilton analog just because she's hot.

    But yeah, a lot of those pairings are pretty WTF and, in the case of Namor, downright cruel. :)


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