Pretty, Fizzy Paradise

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Saturday, October 28, 2006

Because Searches are Funny

I do intend, at some point, to make a post of actual substance. Possibly even containing an essay, analysis or argument. I do those occasionally. I quite like them.

Today, however, is not that day.

Instead, I'm going to be terribly unoriginal (not to mention lazy) and post the last seventeen searches that got to my blog. Courtesy of Statcounter:

Of the last 17 people who came to my blog...

-Four of you came looking for "kalinara".


Congratulations! You found me!

-Two of you came looking for "virgin whore costume"

I'd actually like to know what a virgin whore costume would look like. I mean, how would you tell? Is it like a pinafore with fishnets? Or a hooker outfit complete with own hymen?

-One person came for "little lolita"

Sorry, I don't post THAT much about Supergirl. (Sorry, couldn't resist)

-One person wanted "hot elf girls naked".

Don't we all?

-One person queries "do men want virgins or sluts?"

Dear, let me tell you, as someone without a penis and thus without any real qualifications for answering this question:

They want virgins. But only if they'll put out.

-One came looking for "fizzy puzzles"

I thought I was the only one to have trouble opening alka-seltzer bottles.

-One is looking for "superhero cameos in the sandman"

Ooh! Actually comic related! Sadly, I've never cared much for any non-Doddsian Sandman, so I don't know. Good luck with that though!

-One is looking for "designated sidekick"

Sorry, you took a wrong turn. You want to go here.

I'm prettier though. :-P

-One seeks "nick fury hookers".

Hmm. Well. I don't know terribly much about Fury, but from the bits I've seen it doesn't sound completely implausible.

Though honestly "nick fury hookers" sounds like a team name. Or possibly a marching band.

-One wants "1930 pornography"

Actually, I did see a pornographic silent movie from the twenties once. It was weird. And when the words appeared on the screen, they were in French. So I missed out on the story.

Then again, it was porn.

-Another sought "mangas beautiful pretty"

As a tip, from a person with a Japanese degree, manga's plural is "manga". Please don't make the Kalinara wince.

-And here's one for "shampoo commercial girls"

You know their hair looks so pretty because of hours with a personal stylist, right? V05 is only for us peons.

-And last but not least "ass mans paradise"

I'm always surprised by how little this one actually comes up. It always seems as though it should be more frequent.

--Hopefully there'll be something of substance tomorrow. :-) Maybe. Probably not.

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15 Comments:

  • At October 28, 2006 7:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    OMIGOD this blog is the 2d Google result for virgin whore costume, for 1930 pornography and for ass mans paradise.

    You're AWESOME! :-D

     
  • At October 28, 2006 8:04 AM, Anonymous David Lawson said…

    I'd actually like to know what a virgin whore costume would look like. I mean, how would you tell? Is it like a pinafore with fishnets? Or a hooker outfit complete with own hymen?

    You probably want to refer them here.

     
  • At October 28, 2006 8:17 AM, Blogger The Dane said…

    The virgin whore costue is basically X-23 with a ig ol' chastity belt.

    So does manga being its own plural, is that in Japanese or English or both? Interestingly, the local online dictionaries are no help as they offer manga but provide no information as to its plural.

     
  • At October 28, 2006 9:31 AM, Anonymous Jaap said…

    I want slutty virgins in a whore costume only!

    Search results are fun.

     
  • At October 28, 2006 11:23 AM, Blogger Centurion said…

    You know, Kal, that now you are going to get more hits for those search strings. Scary thing is, I know you want more hits from those search strings, as well as freakish mixtures of those strings. Good luck with that!

     
  • At October 28, 2006 11:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    My favorite terms have been:

    "led matrix cocoon club"

    "you tube human sacrifice"

    "ann margret's breasts"

    and the perennial favorite:

    "tracey ullman spandex"

     
  • At October 28, 2006 2:02 PM, Anonymous chuck said…

    "Hopefully there'll be something of substance tomorrow. :-) Maybe. Probably not."

    You can't fool us, Kalinara, you're just saving up all your creative energies for Nanowrimo, so you can dazzle and amaze us with the result...;-)

     
  • At October 28, 2006 5:17 PM, Blogger Tom Foss said…

    Re: 1920s French Silent porn:
    "Oui! Oui! OUI!" = Yes! Yes! YES!

    "Oh, mon dieu!" = Oh, my God!

    "Je suis le garçon du pizza delivery" = I am the pizza delivery boy.

    That's pretty much all you need to know.

     
  • At October 28, 2006 8:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Mon dieu! Le ... piza est si grand!

     
  • At October 28, 2006 8:56 PM, Blogger Diamondrock said…

    The Dane: as *another* person with a degree in Japanese I can tell you that there *are* no plurals in Japanese.

    Yet another reason why the Portuguese Francicans billed it "THE DEVIL'S LANGUAGE."

    (Oh, and the most popular hit on my blog? "Suffer fools lightly." Doctor Polaris gets all the press...)

     
  • At October 28, 2006 10:45 PM, Blogger Denyer said…

    One is looking for "superhero cameos in the sandman"

    Well, for the Google follow-up: in particular, try the first few issues and the last few, collected in "Preludes and Nocturnes" and "The Wake".

     
  • At October 28, 2006 10:53 PM, Blogger The Dane said…

    Diamondrock, that's just plain rad. So still, in English, the plural of manga is really just manga? Why is that?

    Today's coolest hit for me was "Michaelangelo ice cream scoop breasts". And the coolest thing about it? Not the fact that I actually have content to match the inquiry, but that anyone would actually search that out.

     
  • At October 28, 2006 11:03 PM, Anonymous Mark Engblom said…

    "1930's pornography"?

    The HELL?!!

     
  • At October 29, 2006 4:28 AM, Blogger kalinara said…

    anon: THANKS!

    david: Huh. Learn something new every day, I guess. :-)

    the dane: I think a portable hymen is funnier. But I'm a little word.

    I think the thing about manga that makes it different from other loan words, like Katana, is that it tends to only be used by afficianados. A katana is a type of sword, after all. Many people have the chance to say "katana" in their life, so you have the average American calling them "katanas", because that's how you make a plural in English.

    Manga's a bit different. Most folks who read manga have at least a passing acquaintance with Japan and snippets of Japanese language and culture already. So, the whole Japanese being without plurals is fairly well indoctrinated subconsciously.

    Or, it may have to do with the fact that it's so often verbally linked with "anime". Which is also not given a separate plural form either. Since anime is never pluralled, most people extend that to manga. "Anime and Manga" versus "Anime and Mangas"

    Of course, this is only conjecture.

    jaap: Can they be hot naked elves too?

    centurion: Just realize. These aren't my weirdest. Just my most recent.

    evan: Hee. Those are great.

    Ann Margret does have nice cans.

    chuck: Hee. Maybe. :-) I may post a link here when it's done.

    tom: I'm now educated. Unfortunately, I think my brain cells died of suffocation as I was laughing too hard to breathe. Darn you to Heck!

    anon: indeed.

    diamondrock: Polaris is a ladies' man.

    denyer: Always obliged!

    mark: :-) It exists somewhere. Maybe even as a silent movie! Those are hilarious!

     
  • At October 31, 2006 9:33 AM, Blogger googum said…

    Heh. "Nick Fury Hookers" is from Ennis and Robertson's first Fury limited series; and allegedly the incident that made George Clooney bag out of doing a Fury movie.

    I was going to post on it soon. For educational purposes, of course.

     

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