This Post is Probably Not For Small Children.

Please see the title. Of course, considering how often I make immature off-color jokes and use the word "fuck" in various conjugations, I'm not sure what kids would be reading this blog anyway. But just in case, you are warned.

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What is not commonly known about me is that I have a fairly erratic sleep schedule and sometimes find myself watching very, very late night television. This is not incredibly noteworthy in and of itself, but I've come to realize that the commercials are hilarious.

I mean there's the standard stuff: phone sex, girls gone wild, guys gone wild, cialis, extenze, and so on.

I find it funny what the commercials will and will not talk about even at four in the fucking morning. :-)

For example. Cialis is pretty frank about being a viagra-alternative, but the Extenze commercials are very very coy. To be honest, it was a few weeks before I actually realized what they were advertizing as a "Penis-Enlarger" actually was.

I'm a very literal person sometimes, so well, my first thought was well, the Austin Powers Penis-Enlarging pump. I mean, I realized that it wasn't a pump. But it was a while before I realized that by "extending" they weren't talking Reed Richards.

Guys Gone Wild is hilarious because they really try to pretend the target audience is women. This may be sexist, but I seriously have my doubts that very many women are paying money to see college boys flash a ball. But I may be wrong about that.

Phone sex commercials are great, just to watch the girls try very hard not to SAY they're offering phone sex. Nope. You're just calling for "conversation". Which, in the literal sense is true. But I really don't understand why they don't just come out and say it.

Finally, those finger massager commercials are probably the funniest of all. They go so far out of their way to NOT say what these women are going to use this massager for, to the point where they make no suggestion about its use at all. If I were not a dirty minded pervert, I would honestly not be able to make heads or tails of it. I would know it's battery powered and fits in the purse though.

(Why on EARTH would anyone be carrying that in their purse? A suitcase is too far away? Or you really just need to get away from the office for a while? Honestly.)

(It'd be funny to see someone try to explain it to airport or courthouse security)

They're so vague, that I honestly don't understand why they don't just advertise during afternoon soaps. If you don't know what it means already, you probably won't by watching the commercial. If it's on at four in the morning, why not be explicit? The only people watching are insomniacs, perverts, and/or people like me who'll be too busy snickering like twelve year olds to pay much attention anyway. :-)

Ultimately, though, I think the fact that I think so often about this kind of thing probably indicates that I shouldn't be watching tv so late at night anyway. Heh.