Pretty, Fizzy Paradise

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Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Batmen!

Heh, apparently someone came to my blog using the search terminology "guy gardner batman".

I'm sure they were just looking for scans or summaries or fanfic or something like that, but the notion of Guy Gardner as Batman does amuse the hell out of me.

Okay, to be fair, he doesn't really have the skill set to be Batman in the style of Bruce Wayne, but I'm sure whatever he'd do with it would be vastly entertaining. And you know, he'd totally be a much better mentor to the kids too.

Tim and Dick would be in therapy, Cass would be working with specialists who might actually be able to help the girl learn to read (though with the Navajo crap, maybe that's been fixed. Seriously though, as much as I'm usually willing to suspend disbelief for comics, I've never understood how a man as intelligent as Bruce Wayne with the amount of money and resources he has would allow the girl to remain functionally illiterate. In THIS day and age.) And even Steph would benefit from a mentor that doesn't constantly dick her around with the "I'm training you!" "Go home" "You're Robin!" "You're fired" thing.

Heck, thinking about it, I really would like to see Steph and Guy interact. They're both feisty if a bit abrasive personalities. Both of them have awful fathers. Both have been dicked around by the people that ought to be colleagues and mentors. Both are from very working class origins and are used to being compared unfavorably to others in the profession without ever being given a fair shot.

But I tangent.

Actually, what I'd really like to see is a bunch of elseworld-style one-shots in which we see what ifs of many characters in the DCU where THEY become "Batman". (Kind of like that old Woman-Man bit.) It would amuse me. The Green Lanterns as Batman alone would be priceless. Hal's lecherous dickhead Batman. Guy's loudmouth asshole Batman (complete with the most obnoxious use of a Batarang you can imagine), sensitive new age Kyle-Batman.

Actually, I think that last was done. Terry McGinnis in Batman Returns is totally Kyle if he ended up with a Batsuit instead of a ring. Never mind then. :-)

14 Comments:

  • At June 03, 2008 1:28 AM, Blogger Jeff said…

    Give me the Sinestro Corps Batman- that I would like to see as an Elseworld.

    As for Lanterns- the only one I could see lasting would be John, or maybe Iolande- who I could see doing it fairly well for some reason (if you're allowing non-human Lanterns)

    In a way, Kyle would be the worst Batman, but probably the most likely to try to be. Sometimes I wonder if that's the reason Kyle is Bruce's favorite Lantern. (I got that impression pretty clearly)

     
  • At June 03, 2008 1:40 AM, Blogger Patrick C said…

    Terry is TOTALLY Kyle as Batman! I can't believe that never occurred to me before.

    And yeah, Kyle is totally Batman's favorite. He respects John, but actually likes Kyle.

    Batman has shown how much he likes Kyle and Hal. With his fist.

     
  • At June 03, 2008 1:41 AM, Blogger Patrick C said…

    On a related note, did you ever read Batman: Darkest Knight? Batman as a Green Lantern! I actually don't remember much about it other than it existed, and that a GL uniform does NOT work with a cape. (Alan Scott excepted, of course.)

     
  • At June 03, 2008 6:06 AM, Blogger James Ashelford said…

    It strikes me there are a few Gotham characters who might make interesting "Batmen":

    Have Bruce die in "Year One" and Captain Gordon take up the cape because Loeb and Flass are still around having not been ruined by Batman. Think of the Flass-abuse scenes, that most satisfying of Year One staples with Gordon working out his resentments.

    Or Alfred, who has similar resentments over the death of his employers and friends at the hands of Joe Chill. With his skills as an actor, he could have some interesting undercover stories.

    Or finally (and this is inter-continuity crack time, sorry) Peter Parker: trying his best to be sinister and failing, coming up with awesomely dark lines in his head and fluffing them completely.

     
  • At June 03, 2008 8:32 AM, OpenID thomwade said…

    I am sure they were just searching for the awesomest of moments...where Batman takes out Gardner with one punch. ONE PUNCH!!!! Bwa-hahahahaha!

    :D

     
  • At June 03, 2008 9:59 AM, Blogger SallyP said…

    Sometimes Kalinara, you amaze me. THIS...this has possibilities. HILARIOUS possibilities!

    Frankly, I just want to see Batman hurt and laid up in the hospital as Bruce Wayne, and having heart attack after heart attack, as the rest of the super heroes "fill in" for him. The Green Lanterns alone would be wonderful. The best part of course is when Bruce gets better, goes back to fighting crime,and has nothing to do, because the GL Batmen have cleaned up Gotham City for him.

     
  • At June 03, 2008 10:18 AM, Blogger Rob S. said…

    You know what would be awesome? If the guy was just searching for some dude who would dress as Batman and do some landscaping for him. Best Kink Ever!

     
  • At June 03, 2008 11:30 AM, Blogger Ragtime said…

    Didn't Guy lose his Ring to Hal in a street fight right around the time that Batman was getting taken out in a street fight by Bane?

    I think Guy replacing Azrael as the replacement Batman would have worked a whole lots better than having separate "Warrior" and "Azrael" books.

     
  • At June 03, 2008 5:28 PM, Blogger Girl Friday said…

    Oh Jeebus, the 'sensitive new-age Kyle-Batman' is going to keep me laughing for hours. Super-awesome.

    An Elseworlds of The Many Cowls Of Batman would be delicious--Dick, Jason, Tim and Steph should run a critique panel.

     
  • At June 03, 2008 9:46 PM, Blogger Nick said…

    Oh oh...what about Wally West as Batman.

    Fastest Knight Alive.....

     
  • At June 04, 2008 1:09 AM, Blogger Duskdog said…

    I keep trying to imagine Guy as Batman, but the only images I get are him in a ring-created green batsuit (possibly with movie-style bat-nipples, just for fun) parodying Bats. And doing a good job of it, too.

    Or possibly brain-damaged JLI-era Guy cleaning up Gotham "Guy Gardner style" -- by demolishing every so-called morally questionable building in town. Which of course would leave the entire city as nothing but a smoking ruin.

    Guy in charge of the batclan, however, I can see pretty clearly, and they would all be better off for it. I think every would-be teenage superhero in the DCU should be introduced to Guy within two weeks of their first appearance, just so they can later call on him when their official mentors inevitably fail them/screw them up.

     
  • At June 04, 2008 10:45 AM, Blogger SallyP said…

    Oh heck yes. Guy should really be running the Teen Titans.

    But I do like the thought of Dick, Tim, Alfred, Cass etc. sitting there and critiquing all the other heroes as Batman, a'la Mystery Science Theatre 3000. The possibilities for snarkiness would be unlimited.

     
  • At June 04, 2008 1:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    A "Guy Gardner Batman" search has to have been looking for info on the League issue where Bruce KO's Guy in one punch, don't you think? Funny issue, especially the other characters' reactions.

    Not quite up there with the choco-addiction story, though...

     
  • At June 05, 2008 8:20 PM, Blogger philippos42 said…

    Am I the only person who thought it was "guy gardner/batman" in a slash sense?

    I've been on hanging around the wrong sort of LJ-er too long.

     

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