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Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Non-Comic: A Comedically Incoherent Forgotten Realms Geek Rant

This rant is non-comic related, but there are enough RPG geeks here that might appreciate it. If not, well, at least it's incoherent. :-)

I've been reading the Forgotten Realms wiki and man, Corellon Larethian? Is a total dick.

I mean, really, leaving aside the very biased treatment of the dark elves "Yeah, I know MY guys started the war, but you're worse AND you worship my psycho ex-wife, so I'm banishing you. Even you people of the same race who have nothing to do with it, leaving my daughter, who really the fuck annoys Kalinara on general principle, to traipse down to the Underdark with you to try to save your souls or something" which I suppose makes sense from a game perspective. If nothing else, it allows players to play umpteen million good drow that are the unintentional side effect of R.A. Salvatore inflicting Drizzt on us.

But the thing that really struck me as dickish is this:

Araushnee was defeated and cast into the Abyss along with both of her children (despite the fact that Corellon knew Eilistraee had been tricked). Araushnee's banishment also involved Corellon turning her into a bloated spider demon so that he could not be persuaded to reconsider his decision due to her beauty.

Emphasis mine.

See, okay, I get that the former pre-Lolth was a bitch. And tried to kill him. A couple of times. But she's ALREADY getting punished for that. She's getting shoved into the DAMN ABYSS. But he turns her into a spider thing BECAUSE SHE IS PRETTY.

That's adding insult to injury. Not to mention, way to blame the wife for your own flaws, dude. The fact that YOU can't keep it in your pants long enough to punish the woman who tried to kill you, is not HER fault. No wonder she comes back to steal a chunk of your people and try to kill your ass again. Hmph.

Even though, I'm aware that 4th Edition decided to mess with the Pantheon, I still maintain that the whole reason behind the threefold goddess-wife thing was because none of those goddesses individually wanted to deal with Corellon Larethian any more than is necessary.



  • At February 04, 2009 1:53 PM, Blogger LurkerWithout said…

    You should have seen his actions in the Forgotten Realms comic DC used to put out that happened during the Avatar period. Total. Asshole...

  • At February 04, 2009 9:23 PM, Blogger Jer said…

    Heh. I clicked to make pretty much the same comment that LurkerWithout made. I can't think of Corellon Larethian without thinking of the old Forgotten Realms comic book where he's a complete and utter bastard.

    But I despise the FR origin of Lolth. Never would I allow such a weak-ass origin for Lolth in one of my campaigns. She was a spider-Demon Lord who ascended to true Godhood, dammit. She's the pinnacle of demonic success and the envy of Demon Princes across the Abyss. Lolth is badass - and the only way she'd be in the same plane of existence as Corellon is if she was hungry and looking for a light snack.

  • At February 05, 2009 11:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    This sort of thing is why wizards with any sense at all venerate Ioun (in 4E) or Mystra (before then) rather than Corellon. Who wants to get involved in his messy divorce problems, or have every orc in the multiverse mad at you because your deity poked their deity's eye out?

    Of course, there's always Vecna too. Remember, kids, eternal undeath is always an alternative!

  • At September 29, 2009 3:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I never really played FR, so I missed all this dickishness is only coming to my attention as of fourth edition.

    Although in all fairness I did play Grey Elves as Incorragible Dicks, which I always thought was how they were.


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