Pretty, Fizzy Paradise

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Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Greatest Comic Never Made!

I just read the script for what is possibly the greatest comic that Never Was.

Beau Smith's "Wonder Woman vs. Xena".

Which is automatically the best idea ever.

It reads like one of the more comedic episodes of Xena, with just the right amounts of irreverence and tongue-in-cheek fun.

Basically, the plot is simple: Ares is bored. He wants to watch something interesting, so he ends up transporting Wonder Woman and Wonder Girl to Xena's Ancient Greece, sending imposters to raze the town and poke Xena's ire, arrange for them to meet and watch the catfight of the century.

Which of course the comic delivers, along with gratuitous costume switching, and naturally the crazy occasionally cartoonish guest characters that Xena's comic episodes tend to play this case, the great chauvinist "Bolos the Manly" ("So chauvinistic it is said that he oinks instead of snores at night in drunken slumber") and his subjects from the city of Testosterone.

Naturally, as this *is* Beau Smith, the entire thing is tongue-in-cheek fun. With great hilarious lines. My favorite is probably this caption:

"It doesn't take long for word of these angry amazons and their axe wielding acts to reach the ears of most of the countryside."

Or Bolos's line: "Ahhh! Wide-hipped women grappling each other for my amusement and carnal pleasure. Wild wenches of wrestling dressed in lurid leather and latex. The manly gods smile upon us today, my brothers!"

I love silly wordplay. :-)

The characterization in the midst of the fun is actually really good. I love the portrayal of Diana and Cassie's relationship as well as the Xena and Gabrielle interaction. I always thought Mr. Smith writes a great Diana. And he does. She's fantastic. And in one bit of dialogue, he completely nails what I think the core of Diana's character is:

"It's obvious that you aren't going to help us. More obvious that you want to hurt us. Consider the other cheek turned and filed away." Then naturally fighting commences.

I've said before that I think a lot of writers neglect the warrior aspect of Diana's character for the diplomat. When she's both. She's supposed to be both. Athena and Artemis had a hand in her construction, after all, she's not a flower child here! There's war in her blood. She believes in peace, but she is a guardian more than a pacifist. And protection often requires more than pretty words.

Anyway, I just think this script is darn nifty. It's hilarious and tongue-in-cheek in the way my favorite Xena episodes are, a fun lark, but with some real character gems!

I want it as an actual comic, darnit!


  • At May 31, 2006 6:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Yeah,I see what you mean...any other crossovers on your wishlist...who knows,someone might be listening...

  • At May 31, 2006 6:26 AM, Blogger kalinara said…

    I don't know, crossovers are tricky at the best of times. This one though, I'm shocked no one thought of it sooner.

    Maybe something with Star Trek. Anything's good with Star Trek.

    Or actually, Gargoyles. It might be fun to have some weird fae magic thing backfire and steal a few DCU folks and let them run around. :-) I just love Gargoyles though, that's my only motivation. :-)

    Only if the crossover's tongue in cheek and funny though. Serious crossovers very rarely work well IMO.

  • At May 31, 2006 10:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    "Maybe something with Star Trek. Anything's good with Star Trek."

    Even X-men/Star Trek?

  • At May 31, 2006 4:07 PM, Blogger kalinara said…

    I'd read it!...Wolverine would probably end up singlehandedly destroying the borg collective and I would groan. But I'd read it.

  • At June 02, 2006 2:35 AM, Blogger James Meeley said…

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  • At June 02, 2006 2:43 AM, Blogger kalinara said…

    Anthony: :-)

    James: When the Hulk wears a starry bathing suit while catfighting godzilla in very showy armor, *then* we'll talk. :-P

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