Pretty, Fizzy Paradise

I'm back! And reading! And maybe even blogging! No promises!

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Random Thoughts:

I decided to steal a blog entry idea from Mallet and write some random thoughts about comics. :-) I may expand them into actual posts someday maybe not.:

The Guardians only say they pick Lanterns based on their ability to overcome fear. It's really based on how good your ass looks in spandex.

All sidekicks have had to crossdress at some point in their careers.
-And stand on street corners.
-Thus all ex-sidekicks automatically know how to apply makeup and walk in high heels. Even Roy...*especially* Roy.

In Victorian England, some superhero was dressing his poor sidekick up like a prostitute to catch Jack the Ripper.
-And Count Dracula.
-Van Helsing totally wore spandex.
-Even if spandex wasn't invented yet.

Kyle Rayner is pretty but not incredibly bright.
-But so is Hal Jordan.
-Neither of them have probably ever crossdressed.
-But if they ever did...that would be incredibly amusing.
-I think Hal's an Autumn.
-And Kyle knows how to walk in heels.

Guy Gardner as a woman had a better rack than Power Girl.

Wesley Dodds somehow managed to seriously tick off Dian Belmont, so she and her nephew cooked an elaborate revenge scheme...that's the real reason behind the purple and gold spandex.
-Women are scary.
-As are incredibly cute sidekicks.

Speaking of Dodds's spandex, he was totally wearing a patented Ted Kord girdle for the out of shape superhero.
-Even though Ted won't be born for another thirty years.
-One of the perks of having a best friend with Time Travel.
-Van Helsing also wore one. That six-pack so wasn't natural.

The Summers Family Tree is the greatest thing Ever.
-Come on! Cyclops's dad is a Space Pirate and his step-mom's a *cat*
-One of these days, Scott Summers will fall into a time warp into the ancient past and become the father of all human kind.
-Or Mitochondria Eve.
-No, I don't know how that'd work either.
-But I bet Mr. Sinister's involved somehow.

I spent most of Todd's appearances in JSA thinking "Okay, your life sucks, get over it."
-And he seems to have.
-And I'm not sure what to make of that.
-But I think it's good.
-And he's dating a hot blond.
-Which is even better. Go Todd!

Tim Drake would make a scarier Batman than Bruce Wayne.
-Because he's not emotionally 8 years old.
-And because Bruce has been building him up to be Batman since 1990.
-And that's *never* a good sign.

Ted Grant and Sanderson Hawkins should go on a road trip. As it would be comedy gold.
-I don't know why he doesn't just go by faultline, make something up.
-They could take Courtney too.
-See above, re: Courtney's cosmic rod.
-And Jakeem
-See above, re: Thunderbolt
-Because the idea would give Alan and Jay apoplexy.
-Who besides me ever says "apoplexy" anymore anyway.

Hippolyta should come back from the dead and bitchslap the entire DCU.
-Ted Kord could help her.

Earth-2 Superman is a tool. Sorry.
-No, I'm not sorry. I stand by that.

Matrix should come back and kick this Supergirl's ass. Linda Danvers and pre-Crisis Kara could help.
-They should have switched *this* Kara with the pre-Crisis one.

Lockheed was more entertaining bitching at/with Pete Wisdom, than he ever was with Kitty Pride.
- And Moira MacTaggert and Pete Wisdom's bickering was the best part of that Excalibur run.
-You gotta love a man who wears an eye patch and convinces everyone he lost his eye just for the hell of it.
-And fakes his death as a hobby.
-And hung out with a female John Constantine. No seriously.

Jason Blood ends up gratuitously naked more often than any character in the DCU.
-And this is a damn fine thing from where I'm standing.
-Etrigan however can stay clothed.

I like the DCU comicverse better than the animated universe.
-Because of the art style.
-And because I like my Bruce Wayne batshit crazy.
-Terry McGinness is still Kyle Rayner in a batsuit though.


  • At February 22, 2006 4:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Thank god for my seatbelt or I'd have pitched out from laughing! :-) Kyles bright just not in the normal way.

    So right on tim+terry In fact 1 proves the other! ;)

  • At February 23, 2006 7:29 AM, Blogger kalinara said…

    green: hee, thanks!

    franny: reminds me of the pillow book, in which Sei Shonagon writes many witty lists of thoughts and things.

    Which probably is an unintentional homage on my part, as I usually think in paragraphs. :-)

  • At February 23, 2006 9:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Actually, as I recall, Scott's stepmom was a Skunk.


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