Adventures of the Galaxy Rangers, Recap 34: Mothmoose

It's the weekend, so I get to do another Galaxy Ranger Recap.

Unfortunately, the episode in question is "Mothmoose" which I haven't seen, but is one of those I've been warned about.

I've got the distinct feeling that this will hurt.

Actually...I really enjoyed this episode.

This episode starts on a very pretty planet with mountains and fields and trees. Lots of color. A strange fuzzy looking insect creature buzzes happily through a lush jungle. It encounters a pretty flower, but is frightened away by the entrance of a group of Kiwi in safari garb.

They actually look fairly sinister as Kiwi go. It might be the machete. Some of the group are riding on big elephant-like mammals. The riders appear not to be Kiwi. And a metallic voice announces that they've been spending weeks looking for oil in the Kiwi jungle.

Oh dear, I hope this isn't going to be heavy handed environmentalism.

One of the riders is a giant blue blob. He's bitching about mosquitos. His name is Gelatinous. I think perhaps he's the same guy from the Showtime, but I'm too lazy to check. The apparent leader is a white haired, bearded fellow.

Why don't the Kiwi get to ride? Unfair!

Anyway, the red robot, Ernie, also from Showtime, identifies the bearded guy as Krebb. He looks different to me from that episode, but maybe it's just my mind playing tricks on me.

Krebb is about to wax eloquently on how rich they'll be when he hears a strange noise. It seems to be some sort of weird trumpeting. The lead Kiwi with the machete announces that they're nearing a "sacred and special" place. Krebb is reasonably enthused. Apparently few Kiwi have seen what he's about to see.

Dude, Machete-carrying Kiwi is really freaking me out. I mean, it's a Kiwi, the tiny psychos of the GR universe. With a MACHETE. Jesus!

Anyway, Krebb, Machete-guy and his lackeys emerge from the trees to see a long suspension bridge leading to a nifty looking stone-and tower structure. Krebb is suitably impressed and is equally intrigued by the strange sound. Apparently it's the domain of the "Dreaded Mothmoose of Kirwin." Krebb decides he has to see this thing.

Machete tells him that no one can disturb the mothmoose. Um. Machete. You're clearly badass even among the Kiwi, but this IS a guy who tried to force your ambassador to be a circus performer. Why did you even take him here? You had to know this was going to go badly.

On closer examination, the "tower" actually looks more like a smoke stack. Anyway, Machete tells him it's a "magical and wondrous" place. Yeah, this won't go well. Apparently, the moose is making the music. Ernie the Android is skeptical, but Krebb is more intrigued by the bridge. He wants to know what it is.

Machete tells him curtly that they don't cross that. Which, I have to be honest, seems silly to me. It's clearly a man (or kiwi) made bridge. But then, sacred rites don't have to make sense to be respected. Too bad Machete decided to show this to Krebb. Oops. Krebb decides he doesn't care about oil, he wants to check out the moose.

Another kiwi identifies the particular song of the moose as "the song of the harvest." Machete explains to a bored-looking Krebb that this means if they disturb the Mothmoose, they'll endanger the entire galaxy. Gelatinous mopes "Enough with the stupid Kiwi superstition." Well...grow bones!

Sorry, that was speciesist of me. Krebb thinks Gelatinous has no imagination and demands to see the Mothmoose. Machete stands in front of the bridge and says he can't enter without special permission from the Kiwi Council. Krebb says he has the permission for the oil trip. Um, I don't think that's the same thing.

Anyway, Krebb charges his weird rhino things forward and pushes poor Machete out of the way to storm across a suspension bridge, that come to think on it is rather wide considering that Kiwi presumably made it. They even manage to knock some boards loose as they cross. The Kiwi are pissed.

You know, considering how scary those little bastards can be, Krebb's either a very brave man or a very stupid one. My vote is for stupid.

Anyway, Krebb stands before the smokestack looking thing while a moose with butterfly wings (Really!) flies through the air. It looks like something out of Rainbow Brite, if Rainbow Brite were on (more) crack. Okay.

Krebb is amazed. Ernie calls it a One Moose Band. Krebb yells to bring the traps. Oh WONDERFUL.

Ernie taps a button and a weird metal sphere takes off into the air and accosts the Mothmoose, trapping it in a net. The kiwi are making their way across the bridge and yelling at it to hold on. Oddly, they're just walking. Dudes. You could at least walk a little fucking faster. The Mothmoose is brought to the ground. And Krebb orders them to ready their escape.

This apparently involves hot air balloons coming out of a rhino things.

Okay, this episode is starting to look up.

Hee. The balloon just DROPPED the poor rhino thing as it gets higher. That's MEAN. And hilarious. The sphere attaches to the side of balloon and they're off.

Now we're on Tortuna. I like Tortuna. Mostly because I can recognize that dome on sight. Unlike every other planet. We get the usual Tortuna beat as Krebb and his men stand before Brappo, who does not seem to be worse for wear after his Po Mutant Doll adventure.

If I were Goose, I'd feel a bit gypped.

Brappo is intrigued and asks who they are. Krebb identifies himself and announces that he has an act for him. Brappo is skeptical. But they're selling the mothmoose fairly enthusiastically, and Brappo is intrigued enough to come look.

The mothmoose is hovering in the air, chains keeping it in place, looking very forlorn. It's giving off that weird noise though. Brappo is delighted by the small pink flower that's sprouted in front of the mothmoose as flowers don't grow on Tortuna. Especially not indoors.

The moose continues to sing and a giant mushroom sprouts beneath Brappo, lifting him into the air. He is delighted and hires Krebb.

On BETA, Zozo is presenting the situation to a group of various important alien and human folk. A familiar looking female blond Andorian (I suspect she's the one from Showtime) and Senator Wheiner are on view screens. Zozo is accompanied by another, shorter, Kiwi.

I like the thought that Zozo might be like the kiwi's version of a pro basketball player. Anyway, they know the Mothmoose is on Tortuna. OH! The slightly shorter Kiwi is his brother, who's name I have utterly forgotten! I remember you! He wants a rescue mission. Troops, Battlecruisers.

Wheiner scoffs at the idea of sending troops just because of a stolen animal, but Zozo's brother explains that the Mothmoose is the "bringer of the harvest." Revered and cherished by the Kiwi. Zozo elaborates that the Mothmoose's power causes the fruits and vegetables to ripen and without it, the Kirwin will have the biggest crop failure in history.

But don't you guys have plants that grow on planets without weird Rainbow Brite rejects?

A Basooti (teddy bear guy) agrees that it's indeed a wonderous creature. But the guy who looks like a walking piece of celery next to him is skeptical of the creature.

Zozo's brother shouts "Yes, you stupid parsley monster, that's exactly what I expect you to believe." and charges him. Oh my god. I love you so much that I'm actually going to stop being lazy and check my recaps for your name.

Zizaw. That's your name! Awesome. I love you, Zizaw.

Hee. Seriously. I don't know why, but that made my day. I'm totally going to call people "stupid parsley monsters" from now on.

He does stop short from actually hitting him, but still. Awesome. The Basooti mentions that this mission requires their most fearless protectors. And we cut away to Walsh telling Zozo and Zizaw (or Ziza) that they have to follow priorities. He taps a button, and an image of the galaxy lights up with many red lights. Each one of them representing a request for the Galaxy Rangers.

But, dude. Don't the Kiwi feed pretty much EVERYONE? Granted, a "magic moose" seems unlikely, but considering that I'm not a farmer and these people are the most badass farmers ever, I'll believe them when they say they need something. Especially if they are feeding me!

Always, practical Zozo asks where the Mothmoose comes in. Walsh tells him "Crisis number 8." Zozo is crestfallen. Zizaw is pissed.

Zozo, walking the halls of BETA, meet up with the Kiwi kids who are RIDING on Commander Nagata. Zozo salutes him and asks what he can do for him. Nagata shouts that this is the very last time he babysits for Ambassador Zizaw.

Hee, Zizaw is the best ambassador ever. It's kind of like how I keep wishing they'd send Guy Gardner on more diplomatic missions in the Green Lantern Corps. Because it's hilarious. Sweetie angelically tells Zozo that they're having fun.

Apparently Kiwi reproduce fast, because there's a THIRD kid, even younger than Bud, with beige hair and oddly crooked ears. Nagata leaves.

In the cafeteria, Zach Jr., Waldo, and Buzzwang are eating. Well, Buzzwang is chugging machine oil.

Aw, come on. This episode was actually going really well! Granted, the Mothmoose itself is kind of dumb, but there are Kiwi, Zizaw being awesome, nifty tidbits about Galaxy Ranger procedure, a glimpse into the political machine of BETA...

And now Buzzwang. Way to fucking ruin my evening. Buzzwang Nightwings about how Q-Ball has him monitoring assignments and he can't wait for something exciting.

You've pretty much screwed up anything you've been involved in Buzzwang. Shut the fuck up. Little Zach is bored too. School vacation sucks, apparently. He wants to blast into space.

Zozo, downcast, joins them. Waldo, as the other half of the old married couple that they are, calls him an "old beaner" and says he looks like the end of the universe. Zozo says that they're going to run out of food in weeks and he has to wait seven missions for the Rangers to get involved.

Seriously, what the fuck kind of prioritizing is that? Walsh seems like the kind of workaholic that can survive on air, but JESUS. Food is one of the IMPORTANT NECESSITIES OF LIFE!

Little Zach and Buzzwang exchange glances, and then Buzzwang is all "Spill it, Kiwi!" Um. Dude. As a ranger, shouldn't you address an AMBASSADOR with more respect? I hate you, Buzzwang.

Now Waldo, Zozo, Little Zach, Buzzwang, and the Kiwi kids are surrounding Walsh's desk. Waldo points out that Kirwin will be in chaos until the mothmoose is recovered and urges him to let them try their plan. Walsh understands how important it is to them (to THEM? It's the FOOD SUPPLY of the UNIVERSE!) and has cleared authorization.

Probably he just sees a great opportunity to be rid of the most annoying thing on BETA. But still, the fucked up priorities really do bother me.

And what the fuck is up with sending Little Zach? I'm pretty sure that they can't send him anywhere without Zach-the-elder's permission!

Even as I type that though, Walsh is being a voice of sanity and insisting no Little Zach and no Kiwi Kids on the mission. Little Zach is upset, but Waldo instantly agrees. Zozo thanks Walsh and they look for Zizaw to give the news. But he is gone.

Nope! He is on Tortuna, in a green cloak and with a big gun. He throws back his hood to reveal a Rambo-esque headband. I know it should be funny, but I'm remembering a certain Scarecrow + fire scene and honestly...I'm a little nervous.

Anyway, he demands the Mothmoose. One tortuna resident, a big fellow with a tail, comes looming over him. He laughs at the Kiwi and says he eats his type for breakfast. The others stand and laugh, and Zizaw...

Flattens and starts blasting. Jesus! Zizaw is kind of awesome. And the plus side to being a tiny Kiwi, aside from the general badassery and insta-19 or 20 dexterity stat? You make a very small target when flattened to the ground. He easily rolls out of the way of the enemy blasts and shoots a good number of them down. He also aims at parts of the ceiling and pillar to send rubble crashing on the enemies.

Shane Gooseman would be proud of you, Zizaw.

Eventually one of the bad guys blasts near his feet and knocks him down, while tailed guy picks him up by the scruff of his robe. He holds a laser in front of Zizaw's face and asks if he has any last words.

I was kind of hoping he'd say "My brother kicks people into fire" but he does not. Instead, Zizaw says that he thinks it's only fair to warn him that he has a black belt in Kiwi-fu.

They have their own martial art? Awesome.

The badguy is less than impressed, but I am. Especially as the Galaxy Ranger theme music starts pulsing in the background, as Zizaw swings himself forward and kicks at the guy's stomach. Or groin. Either way, he's dropped. He darts through tail-man's legs toward two other unsavory looking fellows. Then, as tail-man chases behind him, Zizaw kung-fus him into the others, grabbing the laser weapon in the process.

...awesome.

Zizaw is now KNEELING on the guy's CHEST, with the LASER an inch from his face, as he demands to know where the Mothmoose is.

I love you, Zizaw. <3

Anyway, tail guy explains that Wild Bill has it locked up tight and it won't be there until showtime. Zizaw recognizes the name, as well he should. Zizaw snaps that he better be telling the truth, or he'll be back. Tail man is all "Yes sir, I am sir." God. I love Zizaw.

You may be close to beating out Shane Gooseman as my favorite violence dealing character, Zizaw.

A robot dressed like a waitress who I remember vaguely from a previous episode floats over all "That's one tough Kiwi." Yes. Yes, he is. <3

Ranger One is in space heading for Tortuna. Waldo and Zozo are piloting while Buzzwang expresses regret for Little Zach. Needless, as it turns out, as Little Zach was stowing away in the compartment between Waldo and Zozo's seats. Waldo is all "Oh, no. We'll have to go back." Buzzwang, not happy with being the sole cause for an impending lawsuit against BETA argues that Little Zach is no kid. Then tells him to tell his age.

Actually, I'll give Buzzwang credit, his "FOURTEEN? You're FOURTEEN? We'll have to go back!" did make me laugh. Even worse, there's giggling from another compartment. Zozo walks over, calmly opens it, freeing the Kiwi things, and dryly tells Little Zach that he can take care of the other stowaways, who leap on everyone.

On Tortuna, Brappo thinks the Mothmoose (which he calls the "Antgoose") doesn't sound good and that everyone's coming to see it. Krebb attempts to be reassuring.

Our Legion of Substitute Heroes are standing in the crowd outside the theatre wearing Pendulant noses. Apparently there's a plan, but we don't know what it is. (Waldo is wearing a suit, while Buzzwang has on sunglasses and a mustache. But his badge is prominently displayed anyway and he's clearly a robot. God, I hate you, Buzzwang.)

Anyway, Sweetie notices another weird looking Pendulant, and of course it's Zizaw. Zozo unmasks him, while Waldo moans that the plan is ridiculous.

Yes, but really, between them, I'm pretty sure Zozo and Zizaw could take everyone in this place. If they want to have fun pretending to be Pendulants, I'd let them. It's the same reason Shane Gooseman gets to wear that stupid neckscarf.

What does the three foot tall Kiwi that could totally own your ass wear? Anything he wants to.

Buzzwang agrees with Waldo, which immediately makes Waldo wrong in my opinion, while Zizaw announces that the moose goes on in five minutes and is all "Troops! Move out!"

Hey! It's Leon the two-headed guy! He's at one of the tables, looking at a fish in the center. Weird centerpieces, but okay. Leon's one head notes that the other wanted to do its laundry, the other head notes that it's his laundry too.

Actually, apparently the left head is Leon and the right is Neon. Or something. I don't care that much. Was good seeing him though.

Anyway, the lights dim, and Wild Bill ringmasters "Ladies and Gentlemen and everything in between" and presents the Mothmoose of Kirwin. Everyone applauds.

Suddenly, the entire group storms on stage and Zozo shouts that first there'll be a musical number from the Kiwi 6!

Okay, Buzzwang aside, I may actually love this episode. Sorry guys, I really do have terrible taste.

They push him offstage and begin playing. Huh. Apparently while Buzzwang is a waste of space otherwise, he plays a mean baseline on a keyboard-guitar thing. While Little Zach has apparently been learning how to mix. The kiwi kids have top hats and canes, while Zozo himself is wearing sunglasses.

Awesome.

The house band starts playing along too, while Zozo starts (badly) rapping. Dear lord. They're gloriously terrible. But the crowd is enjoying it. Krebb is about to storm out there, but Brappo stops him, delighted with the opening act.

Backstage, Ernie and Gelatinous are guarding the Mothmoose, while Waldo and Zizaw creep behind them. Ernie charges them, and Zizaw takes Zozo's place in the patented judo-throw, ring-zap combo. Then Gelatinous dives toward Zizaw, who ducks. It flies over Zizaw's head to land on Ernie. He is also zapped, and melts around it.

Back on stage, the others are still doing their gloriously awful rap. Buzzwang even breakdances, straight into a centerpiece fish tank, where he's bitten in the ass by an electric fish. God, I hate you, Buzzwang.

Still, the robot can breakdance. And then breaks. I'm impressed.

Then Zozo introduces the "treasured Mothmoose of Kirwin." Which is actually Waldo in disguise with a jetpack. Waldo pulls out a weapon and arrests him. Awesome.

Now they're running for the ship of course, the kids carrying pieces of a still rapping Buzzwang, and Zozo leading the Mothmoose. Brappo commands them to stop, and when they won't, orders them blasted. But that's when Zizaw swings in and knocks him the fuck over, standing on his back all commando style. Brappo's guards lift their weapons, but Zizaw just grabs said weapons and tosses them, and the mercenaries into the air.

Oh my god, I love you, Zizaw. Most badass farmer ever.

Unfortunately, the reinforcements tackle him, but as usual in the Galaxy Rangers, the rescuee has a role to play in his own rescue, as he trumpets and causes a tree to sprout beneath them. Zizaw gets free and climbs on the Mothmoose, and everyone gets aboard Ranger One.

The Mothmoose is returned to the smokestack rock and takes off to fly and encourage happy plant growth. Machete and other Kiwi are thrilled to see that. And then Buzzwang starts the song up again. He's also backwards, but Little Zach apologizes for that profusely. Q-Ball will fix him later.

The Kiwi spokesman tells Waldo that they can ask for anything as a reward, and Waldo is all "Fine, take the babies back!"

Heh.

--
I'm probably going to lose a lot of points saying this but... that was actually kind of awesome.

Granted, I can see why people who have TASTE would dislike the episode, but well, let's face it, as much as I appreciate the higher qualities of this show such as surprisingly complex plots and intriguing characters, I'm really watching for the violence and ridiculous insanity.

I'm a comic book fan with very very questionable taste. Sorry.

Barring the sad absence of the Galaxy Rangers themselves, I couldn't be happier with this episode. Even Buzzwang couldn't ruin it!

Okay, granted, the story did have one big, glaring problem, which is that there is NO WAY any sane person or group would ever consider a potential threat to the largest Galactic food supply to be a priority eight mission.

Even if you don't believe that the Mothmoose is necessary for Kirwin's ecosystem, the fact that the farmers BELIEVE it does should be enough, since the morale of the guys FEEDING THE UNIVERSE is fairly important to a good harvest.

I get that they needed a reason for the main characters not to be there, but I would have been much happier if Walsh had just said something like "We'd send the Rangers, but they're currently trapped in some villain's prison somewhere. We expect them back in about a week."

Aside from that though, I enjoyed the episode. I liked seeing a bit more about Kirwin (even if the Mothmoose doesn't make a lot of sense) and getting a bit more information about how the Galaxy Rangers themselves work. (Such as the fact that they ARE in such high demand and not every request can be filled.)

I always love seeing the Kiwi be badass. Because in any other show, they'd just be cute comic relief. They'd be Snarf, constantly caught in the badguys' nets and needing to be rescued. Here, the Kiwi get to do the rescuing more often than not. And despite their size and agrarian professions, they actually do make formidable enemies.

I seriously would not want to face an army of Kiwi!

And I really like how they manage to showcase the advantages to being tiny in terms of fighting. Zizaw, on the ground, is fucking hard to hit!

And Buzzwang's incompetence remained largely in the background, thank god.

I'll agree that this was a pretty mindless episode, but I think it's fairly far from being one of the worst. It was fun! :-)