Adventures of the Galaxy Rangers, Recap 09, One Million Emotions

Well, this was supposed to go up quite a bit earlier! I'm starting to think this darn episode is cursed!

It's a fairly fun episode though!

Okay, so this episode is "One Million Emotions."

That Doll is Evil! EEEVILLL!


We start out looking at Earth's nifty orbiting space station from Ranger One, where Goose is Quite Annoyed at the Rangers' new assignment.

Zach is less than sympathetic, claiming that it's not his idea so quit complaining to him. As I see it though, part of the trade off of being a leader is having to hear your subordinates bitch. So suck it up, Zach.

Goose just is annoyed by the idea of playing "nursemaid to a bunch of pictures." Doc jumps in, explaining that that "bunch of pictures" are actually art treasures from "hundreds of different cultures, both human AND alien" and are priceless. Niko adds that this is an opportunity to generate lots of good will between allied planets.

Oh, honestly guys. You know this isn't the way to get our Gooseman to appreciate art. Priceless means you can't blow it up. And goodwill means less things or people TO blow up. Yeesh.

Zach's got a better idea and points out that it's also an opportunity for big trouble. Though Goose is still less than enthused. We get to see Ranger One pass a nifty orbiting sign reading "First Solar Biennual Exhibit."

Can I just say, I love that this series uses "Solar" correctly? Too bad none of these writers ever worked on Stargate.

So Ranger One docks, and we get to see the exhibit. It's pretty much a standard museum/gallery affair. Lots of people standing around looking at pretty things. I'm particularly fond of one couple though.

The woman is female. With half of her head shaved, the hair of the other half is a pastel pink pigtail, and she has an eyepatch. Her outfit is cleavage bearing and equally assymetrical. Her male escort is an alien with a face kind of resembling the manga character BlackJack. His hair is green and seems to be a pompadour with strips shaved into it. It takes all types.

One piece of art really just looks like a lopsided table.

The Rangers make their way to a fairly standard, but admittedly pretty, landscape which Niko identifies as having been painted in Nebraska. "The planet or the state?" Doc asks. Heh. Niko confirms: the planet.

Niko points out another display which seems to involve a bunch of children's blocks floating and identifies it as a "Zoidprod Mobile." Goose turns around, points and demands, quite accusingly "What's that thing?!" at a strange looking blob in a display case.

"That thing" apparently is a sensation doll. I'm avoiding a blow-up doll joke by the skin of my teeth. You're welcome. Niko explains that it was made by one of the "Po Mutants." Goose grumbles that it looks more like "Edgar Allen Poe Mutants."

Why Goose! That was an unexpectedly literate wisecrack! I'm actually impressed!

Zach doesn't appreciate the unexpectedly literary depths of our man Goose, and points out that the Po Mutants once ran an Empire. Yeah, but that's not actually a defense against art criticism, Zach. Goose agrees, pointing out that for a bunch of big shots, "they sure made lousy art."

Niko protests that it's not what you see when you LOOK at the doll that makes it art. It's what happens when you touch it.

So why is it behind glass in a museum? Museums are, with a few exceptions granted, primarily visual places. You're telling me that in a hundred cultures they couldn't find an actual, visual, piece of artwork to fill this space? It's like getting concert tickets to Carnegie Hall and being shown a PICTURE of an orchestra!

Goose points out the whole "under glass" thing. Niko adamantly confirms, because unless one is a Po Mutant, the thing is deadly. So why the hell is it taking up space in an art exhibit where no one can appreciate it? Yeesh. As an artifact, it's nifty, but this is an ART SHOW.

Niko explains that the ugly pink thing is like a storage battery containing "one million emotions." Including "100,000 kinds of fear, a quarter million kinds of anger, jealousy, love..." Shane interrupts her with a surprisingly joyous laugh, identifying it as an "emotional electric chair."

See, THAT's how you get Goose into art! Show him ways to kill people with it! As they talk, the angle zooms up quite a lot to an interesting giant metal spider web display, complete with giant spider. I wonder if this is significant?

Doc thinks the doll almost looks alive. It's the weird blobs positioned as eyes, Doc. It's why I can't eat shrimp without putting the heads under a napkin. Niko points out that in a way, it is. It's literally storing the personality of Po Mutant that made it. And it's under glass as a display. That seems pretty sucky, ya know? Finally Zach calls them away to actually do their jobs, while we, the audience get to zoom in on the giant metal spider, where voices insist that they only have three hours until everyone clears out and they can "Get to work." Uh oh!

Transition to later. The museum is now dark, and the spider...is opening. You know, I have to say, that's a really nice hiding place. I'm reminded of the Kung Fu: The Legend Continues episode, where there was a museum heist and NO ONE thought it was suspicious that the fellow with a strange accent had giant crates delivered. Here, at least, I can totally see why the Rangers didn't catch on to their hiding places.

...I'm thinking when I finish with these, maybe I'll do Kung Fu: TLC recaps. That could have the potential to be entertaining. Though objectively, it's certainly a far worse show.

One of the art thieves jumps down first, in a lovely gymnastic routine involving using the web like parallel bars, and lots of pretty somersaults ending with a very nice dismount. Why in the world are you not in the Olympics, art thief? You'd probably make more through endorsements than by stealing art!

It might be less fun though.

The other guy just jumps straight down, but to be fair, he IS holding a strange case.

Our Larcenous Bart Conner, who seems to be wearing a metal ninja mask, shines a light on the sensation doll. Of COURSE, that's the target. Pencil-drop bitches about being cooped in that thing, but our Dry-Land Greg Louganis has his eyes on the prize. Sorry, I'll stop now. Mostly because diving and gymnastics aren't my sports, so I don't know any other medalists.

Pencil-Drop has a lovely set of metal fingers on his gloves, and taps one to send a sharp pink laser to cut through the glass around the doll. Another tap, and a blue laser is ready to lift the thing out. Those are NICE gloves! Where can I get a set? Lo, the mischief I would make!

The doll is carefully placed into the case. These are very organized robbers! They get the case closed, just as the lights go on and two nameless guards in very 80s-esque space guard uniforms (complete with giant lapels) come running. One threatens, "If you move, you're a memory!" Which is a fairly zippy threat!

He's promptly shot in the chest by metal-ninja-gymnast man. Ow. No blood though, but ow. A lovely pink sculpture is blasted to pieces in the crossfire, and my inner curator's assistant starts to cry. I don't like you anymore, stupid robbers.

The sole standing guard is making a good show for himself and shoots metal ninja into a display. (I don't blame the guard, he's doing his job. Stupid ninja.) Pencil drop has the case though, and runs for it. He uses his glove to force the door, only to come face to face with a station employee. (They're always wearing pastel blue tracksuits.) He knocks the poor fellow down and runs for it.

Fast forward, and a VERY stuffy sounding curator fellow is directing the clean up. He instructs them to be very careful with the pink pieces. Poor curator guy. But he loses my sympathy by demanding the Rangers to tell him how they could let this happen.

Well, it's not their job to inspect the ART, guy. So, shut up. Zach is calm and says "Take it easy, Curator." Hee. I called it! I worked in a museum in high school. I can call a curator on sight. Goose utterly ignores the curator as he reports to Zach that he's ordered a full station search. Zach asks an 80s style guard (whose outfit is turquoise) if they found any ID on the captured thief. None, unfortunately. But they're running checks.

So is Niko. She discovers that they'd gotten in via Spider, and Goose promptly climbs the damn thing and gets it open. He notes that they just scrunched in there until the coast was clear. He sounds fairly approving, actually.

Stuffy curator doesn't approve of web-scaling and demands "Are you loony?!" Yes. Stuffy curator meet Shane Gooseman. Shane Gooseman, meet Stuffy Curator. Eventually one of you is liable to kill the other. My money's on the web-scaling lunatic. Zach asks Curator (which seems to be his name as well as his calling) when the web was installed. The Curator has a moment of realization as he explains it was brought in from Mars just yesterday morning.

Apparently the artist lives on a colony called New Pigal. (Or something. I feel bad, because often the names are clever puns or references, but I'm not really adept at getting them. If you do, just send me a line. Like that nice Anonymous person who pointed out Tortuna was probably a Tortuga reference.) And is a woman named "Arizona McGee." That's a fairly awesome name.

*Doug obliged me below. The Martian colony is "New Pigalle." Named after a French sculptor. Thanks Doug!

Niko states that she's heard of her, but Curator injects that EVERYONE's heard of her. Probably not Goose. I'm just sayin'. Arizona's "Fabulously Famous" and couldn't possibly have ANYTHING to do with it. Suuuure.

An alarm goes off and the Rangers run for it, including Goose, who had apparently been hiding from the art lecture on the web. Or trying to take it with him, since let's face it, metal spider webs = good weapons.

Unfortunately the thief managed to escape. Eek. The Rangers don't look very good here. Though to be fair, it was a very clever scheme, and they've about 15 minutes to redeem themselves. Doc wants to know why the Janitor fellow let him go. The Janitor points out sensibly that he's not armed and the thief was. I'd do the same thing, Janitor. Zach has decided that they're going to Mars.

Goose proves that he and I are cut from the same cloth when he notes: "Arizona McGee, Sensation Dolls, Spiders from Mars, now we're cooking!" Ohhh, yeah. I love this show.

So ye olde Red Planet is a nifty place. Kind of barren looking, but with a good size city close at hand and a nifty percussion beat. We pass street painters and what looks like a robot in vaguely Islamic veils as we catch up to Pencil-Drop and his case. There are a lot of stairs in the city which, if they were cleaner, would remind me a lot of that summer where I spent a few weeks in Yokohama. Lots of stairs there. The hills are practically fucking vertical. Pretty though.

Anyway, Pencil-Drop clutches the case to his chest and ducks into a building. Deadbolting the door. On the other side are two gangster-looking fellows that Pencil Drop doesn't seem happy to see. He identifies the leader as "Mr. Subtract" and says he wasn't expecting him to be there. Mr. Subtract notes that they've been waiting a while and hopes Pencil-Drop doesn't mind.

At Subtract's feet, a spider is eating from a dish. Ew. Subtract notes he gave his "little friend", (the spider is on a leash,) some cake that was lying around.

Pencil-Drop insists he doesn't mind and presents his case. Subtract is annoyed that the theft is now common knowledge. Well, honestly, what do you suspect? You're stealing an EXHIBIT. I'd be more impressed that he managed to do it what amounts to be plain sight, but oh well, that's just me.

Pencil-Drop's name is apparently Miller, by the way. The other one is Sanderson. Subtract has Miller open the suitcase. Miller asks about his money, as a scary giant henchman looms behind him, grabs his hands, and forces him toward the doll...whose "eyes" OPEN. CREEPY!!! Miller starts to scream!

The Rangers meanwhile are also on Mars. Goose is less than impressed by the bugs, but Niko explains that they're Earth pests who'd stowed away with the colonists. Niko explains a lot of things, I note. The Rangers enter into a lovely, very clean workshop of metal bugs.

When Zach calls for "Arizona McGee" a tiny stoop shouldered old woman comes out to meet them. She has a blow torch in hand, and at first thinks they're Miller. Apparently Miller is her assistant, as, since Arizona points out, she's not exactly built to lug heavy metal around by herself. To be fair, neither is Pencil-Drop. She asks if they're art collectors.

Zach starts questioning her about Miller, asking if he delivered a sculpture of hers to the show on BETA space station. (A name for the station! Yay!) She confirms that yes, indeed he had! She turns off the torch and asks what the problem is.

Doc asks if she knows where Miller lives, and Arizona, in time honored cranky old person fashion accuses them of being police. She peers at Doc's badge and asks what a Galaxy Ranger is. Zach politely asks her to show them where Miller lives, while Shane walks to a sculpture and asks skeptically if she manages to sell a lot of this stuff.

"Believe it or not, yes!" She cackles. I kind of love Arizona McGee.

Anyway, she leads them to the apartment, where Goose bodily forces the door open, deadbolt be damned. Inside, we see that the Sensation Doll is perhaps not as deadly as advertized. But it's certainly not pleasant, as we see from Miller's sobbing, gibbering wreck alternating between rage and babbling guilt in the blink of an eye. His ravings do identify "Jackie Subtract" as the architect behind the scheme though.

See, Subtract? That's why it's good to reward competent employees. If you just PAID Miller, he'd be gone, not raving your name to cops.

Miller starts sobbing apologies to Arizona now, and Niko's face fills with pity as she identifies that he touched the doll. Zach notes that from the guy's ravings, it sounds like he was forced to. Goose thoughtfully drawls out his previous comment about the emotional electric chair. Miller's move transforms into rage again as he dives toward the group. Before anyone can react, Arizona bitchslaps him into the corner.

I LOVE Arizona McGee.

Zach questions him about Jackie Subtract, and Miller says he'll tell them if they promise not to hurt him. Aw. He really is such a pitiful creature now. You'd never think he managed a successful heist straight out of BETA's space station. He gives them the rough location. Then they leave the poor guy alone.

Though really, it seems like a better idea to call an ambulance, but maybe that's offscreen.

Now to find Jackie Subtract. Niko goes "undercover" in a giant blue coat and cats-eye green sunglasses as she tells an alien about a "Mars Ruby" she wants that's not for sale. The alien drawls that she wants Jackie Subtract, and he points her in the right direction. Subtract's locale is "Pandemonium Street, number 301."

The Rangers get there and scatter in different directions. Inside his office building, Subtract is playing with his spider (named Crumb) while his henchmen lets Niko inside. Subtract puts down the spider and asks her about the ruby she wants. Niko corrects him that she's not interested in a ruby so much as she is the sensation doll. Subtract presses a button, and his henchmen storm in, only to get kicked in the face.

I like Niko a lot.

Subtract calls for reinforcements, and he's answered. But not by his own. Doc calmly enters in behind one of the henchman, while Zach comes flying through the window. Exactly how he managed that, I don't know, but it definitely looked cool.

They take out the other henchman quite efficiently. Subtract presses another button and his chair sinks into a trap door. Niko's unconcerned. If he runs out the back, he'll meet up with Goose. Heh.

Subtract runs out, cradling his pet spider. Unfortunately the leash tangles up in his leg. Aw. Felled by his love for his pet. Crumb scampers off into a crowd of spiders while Subtract calls after it.

Subtract has priorities though, and dashes out the door, where Goose waits patiently. He runs past him and starts climbing a ladder. Goose, for once, is not inclined to pursue, and soon we see why as he shoots both sides of the ladder just above subtract's hands, and sends him crashing to the ground. Goose tackles him and demands to know where the doll is.

Subtract plays dumb until he catches sight of Crumb, which is apparently a female spider-roach thing. (Goose identifies it as a roach.) Subtract orders it to attack, and it glomps Goose's leg. Goose merely picks it up and Subtract begs him not to hurt it. Aw.

Goose is bemused but goes along with it, and Subtract explains that he sent it to a collector on Earth who has a weird garden. He'd had it stolen for him.

So off to Earth!

Doc briefs us on the guy. An art collector who smuggles, buys and steals art, with a reach from Tortuna to New Jersey. Goose is skeptical about the living in New Jersey part, but Doc corrects him. He OWNS New Jersey.

Anyway, Ranger One lands in the city, and then we head to one heck of a manor/garden residence where Brappo, our purple friend from Smuggler's Gambit, admires the doll's ugliness accompanied by his stereotypical butler "Peters".

I'd mock, but I find extreme ugly objects cute sometimes too. Brappo enjoys his butler's deadpan yes-man ship and says things like "The sun comes out at night." Just to hear him say "If you say so, sir."

I'd mock, but I would totally do that.

Peters plucks an earpiece out and reports intruders have entered the property.

Brappo chomps a piece of fruit and then throws the core before a group of nifty swan statues...which blast it to smithereens. Decorative AND effective.

As the Rangers approach, Niko does the psychic-state-the-obvious bit and notes it's not as innocent as it looks, even as a lion statue comes to life. Of course, it pounces on Goose, who kicks it off. Then Zach blasts it. ZACH! Have you NO appreciation for art?! Yeesh. Doc notes that the absence of guards now makes sense, as a line up of limbed snake headed statues shoot at them. They race through that gauntlet only to find...a nifty obstacle course of pillers that reach down tentacles and vines to attack. The Rangers crawl through it.

They catch sight of Brappo, and Zach murmurs at them to be careful, even as the fountain beside them catches flame and shoots at them. They shoot back, smashing it, much to Brappo's rage.

Well, if you use your art as guards, you have to risk it being destroyed, idiot. Niko notes that the collector seems very familiar even as purple gunk suddenly envelopes Doc and Zach. Zach orders Shane and Niko to deal with the collector while he and Doc get themselves out of their mess.

Doc's got an idea, which amounts to using the tree to pry them free, while Shane and Niko blast the swan statues willy-nilly. Brappo is pissed.

When they get close, Niko recognizes Brappo and reminds Goose not to touch the doll.

Doc and Zach get free, while Goose and Niko hold their weapons on Brappo. Goose drawls that he intends to cause Brappo trouble in exchange for all the trouble Brappo caused. Brappo orders Peters to deal with him. Peters is game and walks over, face to face with Shane who gives a wolfish growl. Peters, still expressionless, calmly informs Brappo that he quits. Good move, man. Brappo offers a bribe, but the Rangers aren't interested. They're here for the doll. Brappo insists that they can't have it and grabs it.

Pink light shoots out, washing over Brappo, as he cackles, gurgles and falls, sending it flying toward Niko, who instinctively raises her arms to catch it/shield herself. Goose dives in front of her protectively and ends up grabbing the doll which washes pink light over him as well, and sends him crashing to the ground.

The Rangers run over, Niko quickly telling them not to touch him, while Brappo sobs and calls for his mother across the lawn. Goose opens his eyes and smiles. Which is kind of creepy. When asks how he feels, he answers that he feels wonderful. Actually, he looks a bit stoned. But that's better than crazy. He tells "[his] masterpiece" to go to sleep and that it's safe. Doc asks why he didn't, and trails off. Niko asserts that he did. Goose channeled ALL the emotions of the doll, but the bio-defenses kept him sane. Well. Sane for him. He places the doll on the table.

Zach points out that the doll contained the life force of its maker. And that Goose absorbed it, so for a few seconds or so, he WAS the mutant artist. A weird and creepy thought. Doc thinks so too, and makes his way over to Gooseman and asks what it was like to channel 1 million emotions. Goose insists that he didn't feel anything, and grins at Doc, reminding him that Supertroopers get angry and they get mad, and that's about it. The mutant doll winks, and the episode ends.

--

This episode was probably the most "case-like" of the episodes so far. Well, up until the garden gauntlet of doom at least. We actually got to see the Rangers interview witnesses, follow leads, and almost resemble actual cops! Neat!

It's kind of interesting that this (as far as I know) is the first episode where they've explicitly referred to Shane Gooseman as a "Supertrooper." Though it was a fairly logical inference given that he admitted to being genetically engineered in the fourth episode (Chained) and we learned a BIT about the program in the fifth episode (Smuggler's Gambit). Specifically that it shut down a few years back and illegal DNA is apparently a wanted commodity. Probably a good thing the Queen didn't know what she had, huh?

At the very least, it explains why Goose had that moment of demented overreaction in SG. I'd be pissed too if people were illegally buying and selling the DNA of people I know too. Heck, that's assuming it's not his own DNA in there.

It's something that probably ought to have been brought up in the episode, but I'm actually happy they didn't. After all, it doesn't seem as though the whole supertrooper thing is a surprise to the characters. Heck, it even puts the beginning of this episode in a new perspective. They're not art fans trying to reform a disgruntled un-appreciative co-worker. They're art fans trying to introduce art to a co-worker who's probably never been exposed to much at all and never learned the point.

But anyway, as I was saying, if the characters already knew, and we assume that they do based on their reaction in this episode, then it wouldn't have been organic for the characters to actually talk about it then. Certainly Shane isn't the sort to really want to talk about his feelings if he can possibly avoid it, and that would have been a very frustrating/upsetting time.

Besides, it's kind of nice that the show actually trusts the viewers to remember things that happened in other episodes and to put all the pieces together ourselves. Especially considering that the target viewers are kids.

I was a bit disappointed, when I realized that this was the first episode that explicitly confirmed the whole superhero thing, that it wasn't a very dramatic reveal at all. Merely an off-hand joke. But then, thinking about it, this makes a lot of sense. Since everyone knows anyway, there's no reason to make a dramatic reveal. But also, in a storyline sense, it makes sense. We've never heard Shane Gooseman ever JOKE about being a Supertrooper before. Heck, the only time we saw him talk about it was with Annie, and it had been part of a warning about the downsides of technology.

It was pretty clear during that episode, that he'd had more than a few unresolved issues regarding the subject. Heck, he doesn't name himself as a supertrooper, merely as genetically engineered. Considering what we'll learn about the group, that's probably significant too.

This episode doesn't really get into the actual effect of the sensation doll. What we hear about it initially turns out to be wrong: the doll does not appear to be deadly. From what we see of the effects, it's fairly devastating, forcing the poor people who touch it into insanity. We don't know how it works: do they get the emotions all at once and just snap? Or do they start channelling the emotions in succession, and theoretically regain their sanity when they're done? Who knows.

We can see the effect on Goose though. Aside from the initial, quickly fading euphoria, we get the first time that Goose explicitly refers to himself as a supertrooper and the first time he actually makes a joke about it. The doll seems to have led to some sort of completely internal catharsis. It'll be interesting to watch if the effects last.

While Goose's part provides the most interesting conversation points, this episode is really Niko's show. Which is good, because of all of the characters, she really had needed it. It was a good showcase for her though.

We learned that she apparently has a passion for art and history. Throughout the museum, it was Niko who identified and spoke about the pieces they encountered. She was also the only member of the group to recognize the name of the artist Arizona McGee.

It may be worth noting that for all her art expertise, it doesn't seem as though Niko herself is an artist. She does not, for example, wax eloquently on the brushwork of the landscape or the visual effect of the mobile. Instead, she talks about the historical context and significance. She's an academic, not an artist, and she knows her stuff.

She seems to be the most involved in explaining things to Shane too. At the museum and then later on Mars. This adds to the implication of an academic background. Which suits her powers as well. Both psychics and academics seek to know, but also have to maintain some distance from what they see and learn.

And she looks cute in cat's eye sunglasses.

There's a nice bit of continuity when she identifies Brappo as well. As she and Doc were the only ones to actually meet up with Brappo in Smuggler's Gambit. Zach and Goose joined up with the group later.

And Arizona McGee gets added to the list of awesome female characters. Heh.
-

It's interesting that this episode features villains that are incredibly passionate about something to the point of a lack of reason. Brappo is willing to break the law a hundred times over to possess the art items that he wants. And in the end, that passion is his undoing, as he willingly touches the sensation doll in order to keep it from being taken away.

Jackie Subtract is a bit more rational, but his love for his spider, which humanizes him and even makes him a little sympathetic until you remember that he deliberately forced another man into insanity rather than simply pay him, is what ultimately leads to his being subdued. He can't bear the thought of anyone hurting his pet, and all of his bravado drops at that moment. He possibly could have bluffed it out or chased it off, but instead he called it to him, told it to attack, and got his captor's attention.

In contrast, we also see that Niko's as passionate about art as Brappo, but she has perspective as well. She doesn't hesitate in destroying the fountain or the swan statues that are trying to kill her. Even though we can probably assume that she does feel sad at the loss of the art, she doesn't let it get in the way of what matters.

Arizona McGee as well. She clearly enjoys her work. Heck, she's still got the blowtorch on for most of her first scene. But she's got a sense of humor about it. She doesn't mind that Shane doesn't appreciate her artwork, and she laughs at the fact that people actually buy her work.

For a third perspective, we have Sanderson and Miller, who have no apparent appreciation or passion for anything at all (they don't even have Shane's "ooo, you can kill people with this!" perspective.) They were just in it for the money, and while competent thieves, that single-minded greed ends up being their downfall. Sanderson gets arrested and Miller gets betrayed.

I guess then, the obvious message (it seems too subtextual to be a moral) for kids is that it's okay, and good even, to appreciate or be passionate about things, but those feelings shouldn't overwhelm your common sense.

So what did we learn today? Don't trust spiders, dolls are evil, and New Jersey's still a giant punchline. Heh.