Adventures of the Galaxy Rangers: Recap 06: Mistwalker

So anyway, I took a break from recapping yesterday, mostly because Tuesdays are my busiest school day, also, I was lazy. But I'm back at it today. :-)

Today's episode is episode 6 (according to my guide, anyway :-), Mistwalker.

Awesome Bird-People, Fairly Realistic Quicksand, and Bitchy Anthropologists ahead!

I'm skipping the opening because it's the same each time. :-) Go watch it on YouTube if you miss it. :-)

Unlike most episodes so-far, which seemed to start with fairly ominous music and a zoom-in on a barren planet, this one starts with cute, floofy music and zooms in on a cloudy planet that actually appears to have water. Whoa. I'm not sure what to make of this.

The music actually appears to come from a strange alien playing a flute beside a lake. This is definitely a planet we've never seen before, with cute dwellings sticking out of the sides of giant trees. The ladders leading to the dwellings are so long they make my arms hurt thiking about them. Ow.

Meanwhile, someone swings past on a vine. Ooo, I hope this means we'll have vine-swinging violence later!

Right now, it's peaceful though. We see a family of strange beaked humanoids (mom, dad, and two unbearably cute children) around a stump. The kids are playing.

Suddenly, the peacefulness is interrupted by lasers! Hey! It's MaCross! I remember him! Yay!

... apparently Earth's prison system is as lax as Arkham Asylum. Or maybe MaCross was acquitted based on cruel and unusual punishment. He surely must have brain damage now based on the amount of times he got hit on the head.

Anyway, MaCross has a new gang and he apparently has a problem with happy tree people, ordering his men not to stop shooting until everyone's gone. Dick!

The poor tree people scatter.

Meanwhile, up in one of the tree houses, a blond human woman in a pastel blue tracksuit watches in horror. She runs to some weird tech thingy, identifying herself as "Audra Miles" and starts calling a mayday out to BETA. The thing seems to be glitchy though.

Audra belongs to the same school of tech repair that I do and beats the thing with her fist. A spider comes crawling out of the vent, but otherwise it's unresponsive.

Audra slips out the dwelling and down a vine. It's a climb that makes me think longingly for the ladders. Audra seems to handle it well though, making me think she was probably a lot more focused during middle school gym class than I ever was. Meanwhile MaCross is ordering his men to burn down the village so they don't come back. Bastard.

Through sheer luck, and the cartoon law that misdeeding villains never turn around, she gets safely to the ground, not even winded for her trouble. Bitch. Wisely, she runs for it.

Wow, tree-dwellings are incredibly flammable. Who knew?


Audra makes her way to a tiny ship thing that has clearly seen better days and is overrun with vines. She attempts our special repair method, dislodging more spiders, but still no luck. She moans, "Doesn't anything work around here?" Well, it might help if you cleared out the vines and gave it a good dusting once in a while, sweetie.

Heh, that was very pot calling kettle black of me, wasn't it?

MaCross meanwhile orders his men to bring in their equipment. I wonder if this'll be a thinly veiled rainforest allegory.

I'm jarred from the thought by the landing of Ranger One. Apparently Zozo and Zach are there for some sort of routine mission. You know, one of these days I really have to figure out what Waldo and Zozo actually do for BETA. I mean, they're Ambassadors, but they actually take part in missions too. Zozo likes the thought of adventure, but Zach considers it routine.

Apparently both Zozo and Zach are familiar with Audra, and exposit for us that she's been on this planet (Misty Fenokee, as SallyP caught :-)) for six months. Apparently she's been as lax with reporting as she has with equipment maintenance. Zach is unconcerned, though he does check his weapon just in case.

Now out of their ship, Zach and Zozo come across some cute lockness monster-meets starfish kind of things hovering around a burning something-or-other. At Z&Z's approach, they scatter. Z&Z are perplexed by the absence of people. Zozo makes a quip about a party just as they're besieged by alien insects.

Apparently Zach was expecting this though, and he pulls out "Q-Ball's insect repellent", a weird t-shaped electronic device. It doesn't seem to repel the insects so much as cause them to circle the device, which Zach raises over his head. It seems to work well enough for all that.

Suddenly Zach is stridently commanded to turn it off, and Audra comes up to them, alongside some strange giant bird-thing wearing a cape, torque and skirt all made of feathers. She explains that "Mistwalker" (the bird guy) says that the frequency actually attracts insects.

Thanks for telling us what we can already see, toots. Why don't you go clean an electronic device? But I'll rescind that, as I'm being unfair.

She's got a fairly good reason to be snappy after all. She introduces Mistwalker and confesses that she's very glad to see them. She fills them in on what happened to these "poor and helpless people"

In a distant shot, we get to see that the Miswalker is a good foot and a half taller than Zach. Zach asks why she didn't beam the mayday, but Audra claims the wildlife eats machinery. Bullshit. I saw the vines covering your ship lady. The wildlife had help.

This may not bode well for Zach's bionics though. The other, normal bird people seem to find Zozo very interesting and poke at him. Zozo is understandably irritated.

Apparently beasts home in on vibrations given off by tech devices too, so saith Audra. Zozo is enjoying the attention now that they're not poking, but Audra tells him that the bird people are wondering about his taste. He and Zach get lightly slapped in the face by the Mistwalker, which apparently, somehow acts as pest repellant. He then leads the bird people off, much to Zach's dismay as he thinks they ought to be planning strategy.

Apparently the Mistwalker is female, actually, and she's going to find the off-worlders. Zach frets that they don't have a chance against them. They walk off, Zach and Zozo visibly having more trouble than the others, and Zozo falls waste deep into some kind of hole/puddle. He reveals to us "Ranger Survival Manual Rule #1" and yells for help.

That seems to be a very practical rule to me.

A bird thing pulls him out by his ears, which displeases Zozo. On one hand, I sympathize, especially since he was reaching arms out instead. On the other hand, way to be grateful. Yeesh.

Audra starts annoying the fuck out of me by coldly insisting to Zach (who did nothing wrong) and Zozo
that "We are the guests here."

God damnit, she's one of THOSE sorts of anthropologists.

I love anthropology. I do. It was my undergrad minor, but there's nothing more annoying on television than one of THOSE sorts of anthropologists. The ones who get all uppity and righteous when the people who come to help them somehow manage to not uphold the rules of proper guest behavior.

Granted, it's one thing when the soldier-type characters are being deliberately rude and/or destructive. But mistakes happen. And the bird people themselves don't seem to be particularly bothered. So what it comes across as is an anthropologist lording over the chance to lecture the folk that are only there at all because a) she didn't report in, and b) she wanted their help.

I rescind my earlier rescission. Shut up and learn to take care of your damn tools, Audra.

They see the construction and digging equipment and a cleared out patch of forest. Apparently MaCross is very efficient.

The bad guys are being plagued by insects, but don't let it get in the way of their digging. Zozo identifies them for Audra, the bird people, and new viewers as "The Black Hole Gang." MaCross rants incoherently about star-stones. Ah, that'd explain it.

Zach asks Audra if the bird people have star-stones. She's never seen them and doubts these "primitive people" would have any idea what they are. One of the bird people gives a beeping noise afterward.

Audra's an idiot. Just because the people may not know about the use of star-stones on other planets, doesn't mean that they don't have some awareness/use of them here. It is THEIR planet after all.

Zozo asks why the digging equipment is working, she claims there's an electronic shield. I still think it's bullshit. MaCross knows how to take care of his toys.

I miss Annie. Annie was a much better female guest star.

Zach wants to go to the ship to call for backup, while Zozo wants to get the people out of there. The Mistwalker has other ideas though and wanders off.

The Mistwalker, also a better female guest star than Audra, goes down to where the gang is, and pulls a strange whistle thing off of her outfit, blowing into it. Zach steps between her and the Gang, and taps his badge...which sputters and dies. "Something must be wrong with the bionic circuitry." No, really?

The Mistwalker places her hand on his arm and gives him what looks like a mysterious smile, while Zozo comes running to collect them, and accidently tackles Zach to the ground.

Zozo is playing Snarf this episode, I guess. Still, at least he's less stupid. But where's the unexpectedly competent fellow from previous episodes?

Neither Zozo or Zach can agree with which way the ship is. Audra snaps at them to stop arguing and come on. Well, it would HELP if they had a destination. I hate you, Audra.

MaCross and his gang get into...pastel pink landspeeders to chase after them. MaCross is apparently a man very secure in his masculinity. However, it seems as though he's had some animal guests too. I suppose that does acquit Audra some, but you know what? She's so annoying that I don't care.

The Mistwalker, who remains awesome though, leads them to nifty, leaf covered canoes. In what seems like a tactically unsound idea, Zach, Zozo, and Audra are all in one canoe. On the other hand, I'd like to think it's because the bird people would rather not deal with her either. That also explains why she was alone in the dwelling earlier rather than with the rest.

Zach tells Audra that "her friend is crazy" which disappoints me, because well, so far the Mistwalker's made a good showing, Zach. On the other hand, given that his three best friends/teammates are a set of very competent lunatics, maybe he actually means it as a compliment. Audra points out that he's very ill-prepared.

Well, you know, maybe if he had REPORTS FROM SOMEONE WHO LIVED THERE AND STUDIED THE PLACE, AUDRA, he would BE better prepared. I hate you, Audra.

Zozo sensibly points out that they'd dropped by to visit friends, not to fight a war. Which is very true. The fact that Audra shuts her damn mouth is a big step in redeeming Zozo for his earlier Snarf moment. I like Zozo.

They reach the other side of the water, and start climbing the roots of a tree. Being all of two feet tall means Zozo has trouble, and starts to slip off. Audra, who is closest, does JACK SHIT to help him back up, though Zach, much farther up, does turn his head in concern. I hate you, Audra.

On the bank, the Mistwalker plucks two things that look like crosses between turtleshells and coconuts from a hanging branch. Lucky those were there. She stands there as the ships start catching up.

Zach loses patience and starts to run to her to get her under cover, while Audra grabs his shoulder commanding "Move it, Captain." Hands off, lady. You might be right, but you don't give orders to the guy trying to help rescue your ass. How about just "Stop, she's doing something." instead?

Pfeh, my hatred of her is approaching irrationality. Go bang Dick Grayson and get the hell off my tv.

The Black Hole Gang lands their pretty little speeders and step out, while the Mistwalker reaches up and grabs some kind of vine beginning to slowly pull. Suddenly the ground capsizes beneath the gang and their speeders. Well played, Mistwalker. I like you.

There are toothy purple things down there too, all prepared to eat them if they stop clinging to the top of the hole. I really like you, Mistwalker. Can you get a purple thing to eat Audra?

Other speeders come and pick up the clinging Gang members. We get a nifty rock beat as the speeders head deeper into the forest where our folk are waiting. Zach attempts to cover the group, but one blaster against many speeders isn't really a fair fight. The Mistwalker seems to agree. She raises her hands and pterodactals come flying up to fight the speeders.

I love you, show. Even if you did inflict Audra on me.

They take cover. Audra yelling "I told you, no shooting!" (no, actually, she didn't) and demanding to know how they were chosen for the mission. Maybe because they FILL OUT THEIR DAMN REPORTS, YOU SANCTIMONIOUS TWIT?!

Zach is a better man than me, and simply deadpans "alphabetical order." Audra wishes they'd started at the other end of the alphabet as Niko would have known what to do.

Honestly, going by what we've seen of Niko, at this point she would have calmly and politely bitchslapped you, Audra. So shut the fuck up.

Besides, it could be worse. You could have Shane Gooseman.

...

I'm picturing that in my head. It's pretty fucking awesome.

Zach pleasantly agrees, Niko would know what to do with these "poor and helpless" people Audra's been studying.

Oh, well played, Zach. Turn her words back against her, subtly pointing out both how little she seems to know about these people and how little useless information she's been able to provide. I knew there was a reason I like you.

We don't get to see Audra's reaction to that little barb, as we get a zoom in on the speeders before seeing them run out of the cave. Meanwhile, the vines are more substantial then they look, and end up wrapping tight around some of the speeders.

The Mistwalker opens the turtleshell coconuts and says something, which Zach thinks is an incantation, but Audra, with a smile, translates as "Just Add Water." Is it too much to hope that she'd actually taken the barb to heart?

Seeds fall from the turtlenuts, and start branching vines, wrapping around speeders even as they manage to get out of the OTHER vines.

MaCross is doubting the wisdom of this enterprise.

Zozo tells Audra "You didn't tell us that Mistwalker had a green thumb." Audra says she thought Mistwalker was just a sweet old grandmother.

You know what, Audra? You are the worst anthropologist ever!

Zach tinkers with his arm as the bird people play flutes. With his sleeve open, we can see that, indeed, the entire limb is metal and electronic. I suppose he's been lucky he's even been mobile in this climate. Yeesh. But he thinks he's got it fixed up. He doesn't seem happy about the birds' playing though, insisting that they haven't won yet and there's no time to celebrate.

You know, this would be a good time for Audra to explain cultural differences or translate what exactly the bird people are doing. But wait, that would require her to be a GOOD anthropologist.

MaCross, meanwhile, doesn't want his plans blown. So he sets off a flare. This is a signal for the digging equipment to come and start uprooting the trees. EEEK!

They apparently have a very efficient deforestation machine. I'm actually reminded of Hexxus from Ferngully. Unfortunately, even as I try to remember that bit, my brain keeps supplying the crazy bat's rap song. I hate you, brain.

Zach identifies the machine as "Planet Crusher." Hoo boy. That doesn't sound good. He aims to blow it the fuck up, but...still no go. Audra drags him off, which she manages to do without annoying the fuck out of me. Possibly because she actually looked/sounded a bit sympathetic for a moment.

Zach wonders if his implant charge is low, as they run off. Unfortunately, their path is then blocked by a river of quicksand. Can't have a jungle without quicksand. The Mistwalker tosses a branch in to demonstrate/warn the others. The others are not very happy, but I can actually sympathize with Audra's admission that it's what her heart feels like right now.

(I was inspired to look up Quicksand. This is a neat and informative site! I didn't know you could float in quicksand!)

Mistwalker tells them (via Audra, who is finally acting useful) that they have to swim. Zach asks Audra to tell her that while he has the deepest respect for her skill, he's having serious doubts about her sanity. Which makes her different from everyone else you work with, how, Zach?

Audra's a crappy translator, because in response, the Mistwalker very clearly says "dummkopf", which Audra mistranslates as "suit yourself, she will perform the proper rituals over your bones."

I love it. The Mistwalker speaks German! Heh.
After some mocking by Zozo, Zach does leap in. Followed by the Planet Crusher, which sinks to the bottom.

You know, I think this is actually the most accurate (according to that website's facts/myths at least) depiction of quicksand I've ever seen. It's not bottomless, it doesn't immediately suck you down, and the people actually float across. Nice!

MaCross and company make their way across the sand via sticks.

They come to a river with floating logs. Mistwalker says to wait, but Zach is impatient. You clearly hear her mutter pinhead this time as she stops him just before one of the "logs" tries to eat him. I forgive Zach his stupidity though, because he thanks her sincerely. A little politeness goes a long way, AUDRA.

Mistwalker can put some but not all to sleep. But she's got a plan, which involves Zach tuning the bug-repellent wand to her frequency. Zach gives it a try. They make a good team.

Zozo also appears to be affected, but Audra, making up for her earlier bitchiness, picks him up and carries him across. Aw.

MaCross and company have clearly never seen the Ten Commandments, and follow them across, only for the Mistwalker and Zach to stop the hum, and the Crocologs to wake up.

The Mistwalker is nice though and waited for the bad guys to get close enough to the edge so as not to get eaten. She didn't want to take "unfair advantage."

They run for it and eventually begin crawling through what look like corn stalks. Zach and Zozo trade quips about easier ways to make a living (like mapping hurricanes on glider-kites).

The Mistwalker uses a magic flute thingy to summon a "horned harrower", which Audra calls "brilliant." Zach retorts "Brilliant, my ocular organ" (heh) and calls her demented. Heh.

Audra explains that the distress call attracts predators and reminds them to move it. Seeing as they're as tasty as the Black Hole Gang.

The Mistwalker leads them to an odd sandy field and tells them to follow her footsteps exactly. Ooo, landmines? This episode has a real dearth of explosions.

Audra tells him that they're almost there. But she doesn't know where that is either.

Ahh, when the gang tries to follow, they fall into sinkholes filled with giant crab like things. I think I saw this in a Final Fantasy game too.

MaCross and one henchman make it across grumbling about the lack of stones and the risk. Meanwhile the bird people use spears to help the gang get out of the sinkholes before they get eaten. Aw. They're nice bird people. The gang are now captured. MaCross escapes though, but he'll know better than to come back.

As it turns out, they'd been led back to the ship, in a "magic circle" as the Mistwalker explains in halting English. Zozo exclaims that she understood them the whole time! (Duh, we actually never SAW Audra translate BACK. Idiots. :-))

Audra is also shocked (big surprise) since she'd tried to teach her, but the Mistwalker had never seemed to catch on. Audra sadly notes SHE's the one who didn't catch on. Aw. You really are a terrible observer, Audra, but you did clean up your attitude after Zach threw your "poor and helpless" description back at you, so I guess I don't hate you anymore.

The Mistwalker helps them detangle the equipment and find a safe frequency to call for back-up. Audra asks why the Mistwalker never told her she could fix things. The Mistwalker says that Audra never asked.

Heh, as they watch bird people tangle up the equipment and start rebuilding, Zach tells Zozo that "Audra was right about one thing" his words, not mine, "these people don't have star stones." Heh.

Zach asks Audra if she wants to go to BETA with them, but Audra declines. She has a lot to learn (damn fucking straight), The Mistwalker, meanwhile, removes her nifty necklace of whistles and places them on Zach. Aw. He in turn gives her something metal and cylindrical. I don't recognize it, but she seems to like the sentiment anyway.

Hahah. As she walks away, she opens one of the turtlenuts...revealing a starstone inside.

It's official, Audra is right about NOTHING! AWESOME!

Zach and Zozo take off. Zach can't get the whistles to work right, so he'll need to get his arm fixed back home. Zozo tosses some wise tidbit the Mistwalker had said earlier ("Sometimes the magic doesn't always work." ) and they laugh and go home.

--

Well, there wasn't any Doc, Niko or Goose in this episode, but it was a pretty good showcase on Zach. He's the most methodical and experienced of the Rangers, which is normally a strength, but this episode highlights the sort of situation where it's actually a weakness.

The upside to being methodical and experienced is that in the kind of crises that you're familiar with, you've got a reasonable chance of getting the mission accomplished/getting out alive. The downside though is that you're not as good at adapting to new situations.

This is particularly illustrated by the way Zach keeps trying to use his Thunderbolt. It's the best and most effective way he knows to deal with situations in which he's badly outgunned, and when the situation gets rough, he keeps trying to go back to it. To be fair to him, on any other planet, that WOULD have worked. Unfortunately, not on this one.

This isn't to say Zach's incapable of adapting eventually. After all, there was a time once when using the Thunderbolt was strange and alien. Now, only four episodes later, it's second nature.

It's because of this trait that Zach is the best character to use for a story like this. Moreover, of all of the characters, Zach is the most conventional. He has the most relatable experiences: he's a pretty normal guy, a cop, with a wife and kids. He's not a genius, a psychic, or a genetic experiment. And all the weirdness in his life now is a recent occurrance after 35-45 years of normalcy. He is the quintessential Fish-Out-Of-Water.

That said, I'm not terribly fond of the episode. There were some good points, admittedly. I really liked the bird people in general and the Mistwalker in particular. Where a lot of the aliens we've seen so far are fairly relatable, these guys are anything but. And the fact that they don't talk just adds to the general weirdness, because they can't bitch, argue, banter, wisecrack, sagely pronounce things, or anything else we're used to seeing people or aliens do.

I also loved the Mistwalker. But my favorite part of the Mistwalker is that, at the very beginning of the show, I'd thought she was male. See, I've gotten so used to seeing female aliens with very clearly identifiable sexual characteristics, even when there is no reason for it. Ragnell blogged about this once with regard to Brik. It's a lazy way of saying "this is a female."

I was very annoyed with myself once the Mistwalker was revealed to be female. I mean, she's a BIRD. Birds don't have breasts. And you know what the best part was? She proved how utterly unnecessary the whole obvious-gender-signifier thing is. Because as soon as Zach said "Where is she going?", I understood that the Mistwalker was a woman. That's all I needed.

I also love that Zach and Audra never had any doubts about the Mistwalker's gender. It made it clear that there were gender differences, even if I didn't know what they were.

The Mistwalker was fun as a character too. She had things very well in hand.

Audra Miles on the other hand is the first character on the show I've actively disliked. She falls under a particular category of character that really annoys the fuck out of me. I call it the "bitchy damsel" character. It's the sort of character who, as soon as the hero/heroine starts trying to rescue her, starts bitching and critiquing the whole damn time. Shut up and show some gratitude to the people TRYING TO SAVE YOUR ASS.

The ONLY character I'd ever seen in this type done well is Princess Leia in Star Wars. And you know why that worked? Because she saved the griping for when Han did something stupid. Otherwise, she didn't gripe. She got along perfectly well with Luke, and did show appreciation.

Audra, not so much. It also didn't help that she was apparently incompetent, and a bitch to Zozo to boot.

It's particularly frustrating because this show, as SallyP's pointed out before, is usually really GOOD with female characters. Niko, Annie, Mistwalker, the Queen, these are all female characters who are strong and interesting in different ways. They don't need to resort to the bitchy damsel trope.

On the other hand, as mentioned, I liked that Audra did tone it the fuck down after Zach tossed her words in her face, subtly calling her on the fact that she's been wrong and a hinderance throughout most of the episode thus far. I'd have liked it better to have actually seen her reaction. Or god forbid, if she apologized.

Oh well, can't have everything.

I suppose the other reason that Zach was chosen for this episode is that none of the others would quite work for the story they want to tell. Doc would be useless. He's the tech expert after all. He's very very good at what he does, but that's not anything remotely workable on this planet. Besides, he's too laid back for a fish out of water thing.

Niko would pretty much bypass the whole plot. Even without her implant, she's still got general psychic abilities. She'd be able to communicate on some level, and most of the confusion/conflict would be gone. (So I guess Audra wasn't wrong about that. I do suspect Niko would have slapped her though.)

I probably don't have to explain why this episode definitely would not work if Shane Gooseman were the one paying a visit. Still, it would have been very, very entertaining.

So what did we learn this episode? Bird people are cool. Zach doesn't adapt well. And anthropologists annoy me. :-)