Pretty, Fizzy Paradise

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Wednesday, March 12, 2008

PFP 1st Annual FLAME WAR!

It's occurred to me in the midst of preparing for an oral argument that I'm really not even remotely ready for that I haven't taken part in a good flame war in ages.

This depresses me like you wouldn't believe. But since I don't particularly like trolling other people's blogs, the options for flame wars are so darned limited.

So I decided to make one!

So this post is an invitation for one and all to take part in the first (and only) annual Pretty Fizzy Paradise insult fest! You are all invited to take part!

All you need to do is flame the comments of this post! I will flame you back! You can flame each other! The most irrational, ridiculous or idiotic insults win! It'd be fun!

I'll start!

You're all horrible and annoying people and the only reason this blog is this shade of pink is that it was the most eye-searing template I could find and I want to cause you all PAIN!!!

Let's see what you got!

posted by kalinara @ 4:51 AM  

50 Comments:

  • At March 12, 2008 5:15 AM, Blogger Ragnell said…

    You are the illegitimate hate-child of an ogre and a finned white-crested belly-hobbit and it looks like you got your hair done in Svartlheim!

     

  • At March 12, 2008 5:16 AM, Blogger Flidget Jerome said…

    An American slattern such as yourself should know better than to even dare attract notice to yourself in a desperate bid for any sort of attention, no matter how sordid. Still, I suppose it's typical of your sort that you can't tell the difference between an enjoyable conversation and a street brawl and, really, we did send your people off to the Colonies for a reason.

    I would comment on your shockingly vulgar layout but I'm far too well-bred to use the words required to describe it accurately.

     

  • At March 12, 2008 5:18 AM, Blogger kalinara said…

    Ragnell:

    Yeah? Well, you eat kittens for breakfast, garnished with the ground up testicles of baby seals.

    Flidget:

    I'm sure your insult was very eloquent, but I'm not sure, since I don't listen to anyone whose ass we kicked back in the 1770s. Sure blame it all on your mad king, we know you're really just a bunch of wimps!

     

  • At March 12, 2008 5:19 AM, Blogger Diamondrock said…

    You have the eyes of an Illithid and the breath of a drunken Dracolich!

     

  • At March 12, 2008 5:20 AM, Blogger kalinara said…

    Diamondrock:

    Yeah? Well, you scored a critical miss dressing yourself this morning and now you're wearing your pants as a hat!

     

  • At March 12, 2008 5:23 AM, Blogger Diamondrock said…

    Kalinara: Yeah? Well, at least I'm not multiclassing in "Bitch."

     

  • At March 12, 2008 5:24 AM, Blogger kalinara said…

    Diamondrock: Yeah, but I didn't choose my race as "dolphin vomit", how's that negative charisma modifier treating you? :-)

     

  • At March 12, 2008 5:25 AM, Blogger Flidget Jerome said…

    Ragnell, I'm not sure that anyone whose greatest claim to the fame of ages is her reputed skill at playing 'Find the Entwife' and her ability to drink all of Mirkwood under the table has any call to be bringing up anyone else's ancestry.

    Even if it is true.

    Kalinara, I'm sure we'd have fought with more conviction if we thought you were worth keeping around. Unfortunately in addition to being boorish and penniless little place you were also dreadfully dull.

     

  • At March 12, 2008 5:26 AM, Blogger Ragnell said…

    Yeah? Well, you eat kittens for breakfast, garnished with the ground up testicles of baby seals.

    Yes, and they are delicious.

    You have the taste buds of a tongueless, noseless, toeless molperson!

     

  • At March 12, 2008 5:30 AM, Blogger Ragnell said…

    Flidget -- Of course you're impressed at my ability to play "Find the Entwife", you couldn't find your nose if you had map of your face!

    And a kitten with half a liver could outdrink you.

     

  • At March 12, 2008 5:31 AM, Blogger kalinara said…

    Flidget: Yeah, well, you're made of smog and tapioca!

    Ragnell: Of course. I AM a proto-lawyer after all.

    You're however a cultist worshipper of goat cheese.

     

  • At March 12, 2008 5:32 AM, Blogger Diamondrock said…

    Kalinara: I see that your new "Brain of Vecna" isn't exactly working out. Are you sure you put it in the right place?

    I'll say it slowly: braaaaain gooooooes iiiiiin heeeead.

     

  • At March 12, 2008 5:33 AM, Blogger Ragnell said…

    Kalinara -- HOW DARE YOU IMPUGN MY RELIGION YOU GODLESS LUMP OF BARRISTERSLIME!!

     

  • At March 12, 2008 5:36 AM, Blogger kalinara said…

    Ragnell:

    GO EAT A KITTEN, YOU EUNUCH MAKING CHICKEN TICKLER.

    Diamondrock:

    It's such a shame that a cleric can't cure impotence with a raise dead spell.

     

  • At March 12, 2008 5:37 AM, Blogger Zaratustra said…

    Oh, please. You are all going easy on her just because she's a GIRL who likes COMICS. Wondercon ain't the place to get laid, kiddos!

     

  • At March 12, 2008 5:39 AM, Blogger kalinara said…

    Zaratustra: You think you're man enough to take me? You couldn't take an asthmatic hypochondriac in a foot race through germ central.

     

  • At March 12, 2008 6:39 AM, Blogger LurkerWithout said…

    Man, you people suck. You couldn't flame someone with a troll powered flaming machine...

    I mean you get offered the chance to deliver righteous slams on a stankfooted devil-womYn and this is the best you can do? She has no SOUL people! They make you sign it away when you take the LSATs...

    I mean, she didn't get much use from it to start with. What with "her" daily breakfast of Guatamalan boy fetuses. Or how she'd spend "her" lunch hours playing Gramma Slammin' in her over-priced Hummer with the spinners and gold paint job. And then emd the day snacking on kitten pie and baby harp seal slurpies. All while watching Eddie Murphy comedies. ESPECIALLY Norbit...

    I'd insult Diamondrock but the man developed MPD with a character from Batman. And its Azrael. AZ "I'm part monkey. AND EXTREME" RAEL. How sad is that? Pretty gods be damned sad...

    And what insult can I deliver to Ragnell that nature and her mom haven't already given?

    I don't know Flidget well, but that could be because their very presence is a blight that causes migraines in people capable of rational thought...

    And then there was Zaratustra. The less spoken of their lifetime dedication to being a slovenly, scofflaw and deviant Commie Hippie the better...

     

  • At March 12, 2008 7:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Jeez, how insulting can multiple kitten references be, you freaks?

    For the record retardnell...livers regenerate. Half a liver? Good, God, read a book once in a while.

    And lurkerwithout? Logorrhea... look it up.

    As far as our hostess goes, you don't have to make constant references to someone's manhood in order to earn the title "castrating bitch". Woman. Lawyer. You got it covered.

    Too bored to log in, yo.

     

  • At March 12, 2008 7:26 AM, Blogger LurkerWithout said…

    Did someone say something? Shoo, fly, yah bother me...

     

  • At March 12, 2008 7:37 AM, Blogger Ami Angelwings said…

    You're a bad Kalinara. As a fellow Kalinara I demand you change your ways to suit me b/c I know better! >:O NOW DO IT.

    XDDDD

     

  • At March 12, 2008 9:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    What's your favorite color? Bad blog!

    (off-topic: getting in a flame war with people who aren't shitheads is hard work.)

     

  • At March 12, 2008 9:48 AM, Blogger K. D. Bryan said…

    YOUR MOM wants a Flame War! Go write another fifteen pages about how Green Lantern should be a Lesbian or something, you no-image using hack!

    "When Fangirls Attack"? More like "When Brangirls Affleck!" Because . . . yeah. Fiber and Ben Affleck are . . . you . . .

    Your Mom?

    *coughs*

    So, uh, I'll just go sit quietly over here now.

     

  • At March 12, 2008 10:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    We all know you only do When Fungirls Attract as a desperate bid to get a date.

     

  • At March 12, 2008 10:19 AM, Blogger SallyP said…

    Heaven's to Betsy, I'm...I'm LATE to this Donnybrook!

    Kalinara, you're a SNAPPER CARR LOVER! There is no lower form of humanity!

     

  • At March 12, 2008 12:03 PM, Blogger ticknart said…

    Oh, I don't know, SallyP, those who worship at the feet of redheaded jackasses are lower. I mean at least Snapper Car knows how useless he is.

     

  • At March 12, 2008 3:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    U L SUXORZ!

    LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!1!11111!

     

  • At March 12, 2008 5:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    This is a pathetic excuse for a flamewar.

    You are not doing it right.

    You are all stupid.

     

  • At March 12, 2008 7:21 PM, Blogger Scott (The Mad Thinker) Anderson said…

    You're all horrible and annoying people and the only reason this blog is this shade of pink is that it was the most eye-searing template I could find and I want to cause you all PAIN!!!

    Oh, I see. Pink is the color of pain. I can’t believe you are making such a homophobic statement. You know damn well that pink is the color that Nazis branded my people with, and now you are diminishing the horror the LGBTQ community went through with your snarky, little game. I’m tired of your heterosexist bullshit. I will not bow down before your vagina even if you do think a goddess lives there!

    Oh, and don’t try apologizing now. Just shut the hell up! I don’t need your approval and if you wanted to keep from insulting me, you should have researched “pink” before you made your Nazi-esque comments. It is not my job to teach you about pink. “Yes, missy kalinara, I’ll do your hair and design your dress and then I’ll teach you about pink ‘cause I’m your little faggot.” Fuck that shit, you penis-hording breeder!

    Viva Harvey Milk!

     

  • At March 12, 2008 7:58 PM, Blogger Amy Reads said…

    Hi Kalinara,
    Both Pink and Green make me Quite Ill Indeed, the former as Blog and the latter as Lantern. I cough yellow, yes, Yellow Weakness, all over your little "blog."
    Also?
    Viva the Darkness!
    Long Live The Batman!
    Ciao,
    Amy

    (Um, as is Painfully Evident, I'm not very good at this. The only flame wars I participated in were about 12 years ago during my Infant Days on "teh internets," and involved mocking grammar and spelling. Yes, I was *that* poster. But hey, I've Fancy Pants Degrees in English [and Fancy Pants in Clothing] to support my oppressive flaming. But what fun! Grazie!)

     

  • At March 13, 2008 12:46 AM, Blogger Avalon's Willow said…

    AngelWings: That has to be the cutest insult ever that I have ever seen.

    You seriously have me cracking up "DO IT NOW" - Why you sound like a MiniDoom. *pets you*

    I like mini-Dooms :) I shall now steal you as my protoge.

    The rest of y'all mud sucking pedestrian earthling droppings can go molest Right Wing Areola. Except for the men. I have castration plans for the men. Fear your email! Fear my hacker skillz. I know where you live. And other creepy sayings.

    PS: Ragnell - Thor? Really? Puleeeze. Oshun so kicks Thor's ass, and then makes him like it!

    (SKrit Msg Amy_Reads: Awwh, maybe spitting yellow would have seemed more vicious. But once you invoke Batman, it's all over for everyone else. Batman Rules and Reigns Supreme Bwahahahahaha. Ahem.)

     

  • At March 13, 2008 1:07 AM, Blogger Avalon's Willow said…

    This comment has been removed by the author.

     

  • At March 13, 2008 1:08 AM, Blogger Brian Smith said…

    "1st annual" flame war? There's no such thing as a "1st annual" ANYTHING -- especially if (when) this one turns out to be a colossal failure.

    If you've got nothing better to do than bring back this exercise in idiocy next year, THEN you can be all, "Ooh, look at me and my fancy-shmancy second annual FLAME WAR I'm so awesome blah blah blah."

     

  • At March 13, 2008 1:43 AM, Blogger KPhoebe said…

    I suppose you think it's rebellious and romantic to eat crispy-fried puppy in front of the PETA offices.

    Mature, I DON'T THINK, you greasy-lipped CHILD.

     

  • At March 13, 2008 3:00 AM, Blogger Ami Angelwings said…

    My anti-vegetarian ways have finally gotten to Kalinara Kphoebe! XD

     

  • At March 13, 2008 3:01 AM, Blogger Ami Angelwings said…

    Yay I'm Willow's protege! :DDD

    *minidooms around* >:D

     

  • At March 13, 2008 6:13 AM, Blogger kalinara said…

    Wow, figures none of you dorks would shut up long enough for me to get a word in edgewise!

    You call these personal attacks? How pathetic!

    LurkerWithout: As per my lack of soul, at least I'm not the sort of person who'd sell babies to goats for some extra cheese every day!

    Anonymous: Aw, did you say something, or are you still hiding behind that lurking couch! Go frolic with the ponies!

    Ami: Minidoom you may be, you're not HALF the Kalinara I am!

    You tin-eared rabbit of doom!

    Scott: What's your favorite color? Pencil-munching donkey kisser!

    K.D. Bryan: The only thing you get when you mix Fiber and Ben Affleck is YOUR mom.

    Go dress like a superhero and chug.

    Marionette: And you're made of limburger cheese.

    SallyP: You share Booster Gold's shampoo!

    ticknart: That redhaired jackass could totally kick your ass, even if he's made of paper! You're just that much of a wuss!

    Anonymous: A squirrel pwned your mom yesterday!!

    Scott the Mad Thinker: I'm not reading your insult until you figure out a way to get it under fifty words, you dictionary chomping jerk.

    Amy Reads: Duh, yellow weakness hasn't been in play since the nineties! Keep up to date, you flowery lingo'ed academic!

    Avalon's Willow: Batman sucks and so do you! You toad-stomping bellywart.

    Brian: I'll first annual your ass, so go fetch me a goddamn sandwich.

    KPhoebe: Peta can kiss my ass. Besides, you eat babies, so it's not like you can talk!

    (Hee, great job so far, everyone! I giggled a lot!)

     

  • At March 13, 2008 6:43 AM, Blogger Ami Angelwings said…

    But.... but... you're too negative! D: See... and half of a negative number is still more than the original number! >:D

    MINIDOOM!AMI HAS SPOKEN!!!!

    So since I'm clearly a less negative Kalinara than you are, I am clearly correct and you WILL OBEY ME!!! *looks menacing*

    XD

    Also at least I keep MY tin ears polished with lots of mini!doom polish :D The ebil just radiates off it >:D

    (sry about the edit/deletes kill those plz? :D)

     

  • At March 13, 2008 8:49 AM, Blogger LurkerWithout said…

    Why is Kalinara a bad, bad person?
    She inspired this. SHUN HER!

     

  • At March 13, 2008 9:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Scott: What's your favorite color? Pencil-munching donkey kisser!

    Damn. You're good.

     

  • At March 13, 2008 9:27 AM, Blogger kalinara said…

    Damn. You're good.

    Hee. I thought yours very clever. :-)

     

  • At March 13, 2008 9:28 AM, Blogger Scott (The Mad Thinker) Anderson said…

    This comment has been removed by the author.

     

  • At March 13, 2008 9:32 AM, Blogger kalinara said…

    Ami: posts deleted, you sparkly eyed doombot.

    Scott-the-Mad-Thinker: Aw, I'm sure that hurt something awful. Squirrel hugging son of a duck and a mongoose.

     

  • At March 13, 2008 9:36 AM, Blogger Scott (The Mad Thinker) Anderson said…

    Scott the Mad Thinker: I'm not reading your insult until you figure out a way to get it under fifty words, you dictionary chomping jerk.

    I see. I has to be a down to a number you can count to. Fine, you anti-intellectual, book burning Nazi! Below is one word that you can stuff into your dictionary (Ha! As if you owned one!):

    Oh-I-see-Pink-is-the-color-of-pain-I-can’t-believe-you-are-making-such-a-homophobic-statement-You-know-damn-well-that-pink-is-the-color-that-Nazis-branded-my-people-with-and-now-you-are-diminishing-the-horror-the-LGBTQ-community-went-through-with-your-snarky-little-game-I’m-tired-of-your-heterosexist-bullshit-I-will-not-bow-down-before-your-vagina-even-if-you-do-think-a-goddess-lives-thereOh-and-don’t-try-apologizing-now-Just-shut-the-hell-up-I-don’t-need-your-approval-and-if-you-wanted-to-keep-from-insulting-me-you-should-have-researched-pink-before-you-made-your-Nazi-esque-comments-It-is-not-my-job-to-teach-you-about-pink-Yes-missy-kalinara-I’ll-do-your-hair-and-design-your-dress-and-then-I’ll-teach-you-about-pink-‘cause-I’m-your-little-faggot-Fuck-that-shit-you-penis-hording-breeder

    And now I’ll stop because I’m clearly the bigger person.

     

  • At March 13, 2008 9:38 AM, Blogger kalinara said…

    Scott, darling, I've seen your picture on your blog and while you're not a bad looking guy, I assure you, gay or not gay, I'd NEVER trust you to do my hair or design my wardrobe.

     

  • At March 13, 2008 10:24 AM, Blogger SallyP said…

    Wait...I share Booster Gold's shampoo? At least IV'E seen a naked man in my life!

    Haw!

    Oh, and that red-haired jerk could SO kick Ticknart's ass. Repeatedly.

    Hey, Kalinara! Know what the difference is between a lawyer and a vulture? A vulture's wingtips come OFF!

    Bwhahahahahaha!

     

  • At March 13, 2008 11:33 AM, Blogger ticknart said…

    Kalinara Calamari -- I'd rather get my paper cuts being beaten up by a paper character than trying to have sex with one.

    SallyPiss -- The way you seem exited at the thought of violence makes me wonder if you get your advice from the bully on your kids' playground, or the Bush administration.

    As for the rest of you, I think you've been huffing too much ink and I hope that none of you procreate, we don't need the spawn of people like you running around.

     

  • At March 14, 2008 6:43 AM, Blogger K. D. Bryan said…

    K.D. Bryan: The only thing you get when you mix Fiber and Ben Affleck is YOUR mom.

    Go dress like a superhero and chug.

    Did you just imply that My Mother is made of Ben Affleck's well-regulated feces? Oh, that is it, girlfriend! No more Mr. Nice Blogger - IT IS NOW ON. IT IS ON LIKE DONKEY KONG

    Really, I should have expected this level of class from someone who barely manages to run half a linkblog.

    YOU: "OOH, look at me, I'm ever so backlogged! Reading other people's blogs and using Control+X and Control+V on my keyboard is HARD! My fingers hurt from all the cutting and pasting! I'm dizzy from the sheer lameness of me!"

    (You totally say all that out loud while typing. Like, in a really doofy voice. All the time. Then you snorty laugh for no reason and Ragnell hates you just a little bit more with each passing day. Also? You smell. Like, bad.)

    So to sum up - Ben Affleck's MOM says you suck! And she's an amazing judge of character.

    Go stick your fingers back up your nose and ogle Kyle Rayner's butt some more, you Unwashed Heathen.

     

  • At March 14, 2008 11:07 AM, Blogger SallyP said…

    Ticknart is a doody head! How's THAT for juvenile?

     

  • At March 14, 2008 11:29 AM, Blogger ticknart said…

    SallyPee -- If you were really going for juvenile you would have called me "Tick-n-Fart," but your just not that clever.

     

  • At November 26, 2011 12:48 AM, Anonymous Erick said…

    So, I don't actually believe this will work.
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