Pretty, Fizzy Paradise

I'm back! And reading! And maybe even blogging! No promises!

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Incoherent Freedom Fighters Rant:

Okay, I'm trying to like the new Freedom Fighters, I really am. I think there are some great ideas there. I like GI Joe Commando type Doll Man, Firebrand is interesting, Uncle Sam is always fun...

But I have one problem. Make that two.

Stormy Knight's breasts.

It's not the size that bothers me. I mean heck, I'm a huge Power Girl fan after all. It's not the character, I think Stormy seems interesting.

Her name is dumb, but since she IS a model, I'm going to assume it's a stage name.

My problem is that her breasts are not drawn in any way that looks remotely natural. They look like plastic balloons. They're shiny. They are reflecting the light.

I hate to be catty, but I can't help but wonder if a certain artist and colorist have ever actually seen a real set of boobs up close before.

It's appalling. How is that attractive? I mean, I'm not particularly interested in women, but I can't really imagine how a straight man (or a lesbian) could possibly prefer something that looks like a blow up doll and even reflects light like one could possibly be preferable to breasts with a natural shape/color.

I'm not someone prone to letting bad art get in the way of a good story. I'm pretty immune to it really. I mean, good art is vastly preferable, but as I'm not terribly visually oriented, I can be pretty hard to faze.

My favorite comic is Warrior. That should say something right there.

But this. I keep trying, but I really can't get past it. And it upsets me because I really do think I'm missing something good.

It's really upsetting. I want to spend my money on this comic, I really really do. But I can't justify it.


Thank you.

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  • At September 26, 2006 7:26 AM, Blogger Sinspired said…

    Ummm... Some breasts can do that naturally but a little moisturization takes care of the problem.
    - Kim, purveyor of Olay to Superheroines...

  • At September 26, 2006 8:31 AM, Blogger Brett said…

    I take it you are wearing the older, non-reflective boobs then. Your choice I guess but that is sooooo 2005. Shiny boobs are the new black.

  • At September 26, 2006 8:58 AM, Blogger joncormier said…

    Yeah, weirdly it's one of the reasons I'm not buying the comic. I know it's a weak argument but it put me off - same with cheesecake She-Hulk covers. I feel self-conscious enough buying these things as an adult, I don't need to reinforce stereotypes while I'm at it, thank you very much.

  • At September 26, 2006 9:24 AM, Blogger Hale of Angelthorne said…

    That's part of her powers, see? The shiny boobs...uh, reflect laser beams. Yeah! And the hotpants are, like, bulletproof or...

    Okay, I got nothing.

  • At September 26, 2006 9:54 AM, Blogger The Dane said…

    Maybe she sweats a lot. If you watch Lost at all, the one the you know for certain is that Kate's sweaty boobs shine like a freshly waxed Corvette.

  • At September 26, 2006 10:06 AM, Anonymous Mark Engblom said…

    I've only read the Freedom Fighters preview in the recent "Brave New World" book, but that brief look was enough to give the impression of mild satire. I may be wrong, and maybe the creative team is actually playing it straight, but the impression I got was of caricatured, over-the-top portrayals of action hero archetypes and political philosophies. Maybe the shiney bust of Phantom Lady fits into that overall satirical vibe. Again, this is just based on a brief preview story, but there you go.

    But yeah....the shiny bust is pretty stupid. If comic book artists had any idea how silly this stuff makes us look (or, more accurately, how much sillier, you'd think they'd dial it back a bit. One thing's for sure...I think we know who was bottle fed as an infant.

  • At September 26, 2006 10:26 AM, Blogger R.Nav said…

    Well.. look again and you'll notice it's due to the full-body clear-coat she sprays on after painting on her costume :)

    Y'know, to keep the colors from smearing. It also a weather sealant.

  • At September 26, 2006 10:37 AM, Blogger The Dane said…

    It seems, also, that her thighs and other parts glisten as well. This leads us inevitably to the conclusion that, yes, this Phantom Lady is indeed a sweaty, sweaty lady. Or that full-body sealant thing mentioned is in action.

    And by some, Kim means hers.

  • At September 26, 2006 11:09 AM, Blogger Ryan said…

    Maybe she just oils herself up before going into battle. You know, for strategic reasons - some guy tries to grab her, she slips away like a greased pig. It's totally plausible.

  • At September 26, 2006 11:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    What she does is oil them up before she goes out so they draw more attention and cause more of a distraction than they normally would by just hanging out.

    It's obvious, isn't it?

  • At September 26, 2006 1:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    It's boob-wax. Plain and simple.

  • At September 26, 2006 1:09 PM, Blogger SallyP said…

    My, those ARE some big shiny breasts. In all fairness however, it seems to be the colorist who is making them reflective. On the other hand, I like the explanation that she greases herself up like a pig, because that's much more plausible.

  • At September 26, 2006 2:24 PM, Blogger R.Nav said…

    I forget that for this go around, Acuna is using a colorist instead of doing it himself.

    Come to think of it.. I really do wonder if he even bothers to draw the costume at all? or does the colorist get nekkid Phantom Lady pictures to fill-in.

  • At September 26, 2006 2:52 PM, Anonymous Flint Paper said…

    You know, I had a friend in college who legally changed his last name to "Knight" for the sole purpose of reproducing and having two children, a boy and a girl, whom he would then name, respectively, "Dark" and "Stormy."

    Just thought that was interesting. As for the shiny, apparently artifical ones do that with no prompting. At least that's the way it seems if you read

  • At September 26, 2006 4:55 PM, Anonymous Dumma said…

    I always thought that the new Phantom Lady is not really a model but a "model"; I mean she clearly has the whole cheap-plastic-surgery-look, the oiled skin, and well...

    all she's missing is the pizza delivery man and the cheessy music

    What? You didn't buy the whole "socialite" bit did you?
    That dead senator, not her dad but her sweet dady

  • At September 26, 2006 5:22 PM, Blogger Ferrous Buller said…

    "Shiny boobs are the new black."

    Maybe it's the sleep dep talking, but that line has made my day.

  • At September 26, 2006 8:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Her boobs are so shiny she has to wear sunglasses...

  • At September 26, 2006 9:20 PM, Anonymous "Starman" Matt Morrison said…

    Actually, I think she has to oil herself up to fit into that costume...

  • At September 26, 2006 11:06 PM, Anonymous CrimsonThunder said…

    Maybe its the artists interpretation of the hypnotic glow effect breasts have on men?


  • At September 27, 2006 2:03 AM, Blogger kalinara said…

    Kim: I'll take your word for it. :-)

    Brett: Aww. I'm always behind on fashion!!!

    Joncormier: I can manage She-Hulk because of the interior art. This IS interior art. Which is utterly painful.

    Hale: The sad thing is, I'm geek enough to be okay with that.

    Like if she were *actually* plastic? That would be SO COOL.

    dane: Hmm...My sweat never coats so appealingly though. It beads up, with the skin flushing underneath.

    Unless she's got really really good makeup.

    mark: It probably is a satire honestly. But I can't read it to find out. It's too much. *sigh*

    r. nav: Hmm. I can buy that.

    the dane: Sealant it is. Though wouldn't it suffocate her skin?

    ryan: I think that would be tactically unsound. Possibly.

    ticknart: Ahh. The Sandra Knight defense updated for this decade. She really is Phantom Lady.

    anon: Available in Home Depot and other fine hardware stores?

    sallyp: The shape though is all the artist.

    The grease explanation could work.

    r.nav: to be fair so did I.

    flint: There's a cruel cruel man.

    dumma: Why stop at porn star. I think she's a blow up doll.

    ferrous: Hee.

    anon: Her boobs are so bright, she's gotta wear shades...

    Isn't that a song?

    starman: I can dig it.

    crimson: Ooo. Symbolic!

  • At September 27, 2006 6:06 PM, Anonymous Indicia said…

    The oily pornstar look, I guess. It really does look plasticky. It's weird.. I sort of dug this when Masamune Shirow did it (and Shirow's female characters were always pretty sexbotalicious), but I really, really don't like the look here. It's not sexy at all. Just kinda sticky looking, like her chest would smell like sweaty rubber.

    oh, and sorry I missed you on aim the other day.

  • At September 27, 2006 8:21 PM, Blogger Marionette said…

    ooh, shiny!

  • At September 28, 2006 2:40 AM, Blogger kalinara said…

    indicia: It's one of those manga stylistic technique-possibilities that really doesn't translate well to American art styles, I think.

    At least not in this combination of artist and colorist.

    marionette: Very!


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