Unpopular Opinion: Why the Dick/Barbara couple doesn't work for me

You know, it's funny, I've seen a lot of references around to something Dan Didio said at Heroes Con. Basically, when asked if Babs and Dick were ever going to have their relationship develop he answers something like, "Not if I can help it, and guess what, I can."

Anyway, there are people decrying this as bad business sense. When the pairing would unite two fanbases (or something, apparently) and/or he's accused of "hating the fans."

First of all, how would it be good business sense to pair them versus not pair them? I mean, sure, if the story developed that way I can't see the harm that pairing them together would do. (Except possibly for one of them to stop appearing in their own series and end up an adjunct in the other, which would be a mistake, as Birds of Prey definitely shouldn't be collapsed into Nightwing, and Nightwing would end up skewing the dynamics of the Birds if he were there.) But where's the benefit?

Fans of Dick and Babs are reading Nightwing and Birds of Prey regardless of whether the characters got together or not. So there really isn't anything to be gained.

Anyway, on the day this question was asked (Friday), Centurion wanted a picture with him, so while this happened I nervously brought up the topic. (It might shock people, but I'm a little shy in real life. :-) I can only be truly myself on a garish pink blog).

And you know what, he doesn't hate the pairing because he hates a "good business decision", he doesn't hate the pairing because he hates fans, or Babs, or even Dick...wanting to kill him aside, of course.

He doesn't like the pairing because he thinks that ultimately the characters are incompatible. That pairing them together because it's "expected" would be a mistake and that Barbara's characterization in particular would suffer.

Which is a pretty valid reason to not pursue the pairing in my opinion.

Though, I admit, I could be biased. I do not like the Dick/Babs pairing at all.

Honestly for me, it's probably a combination of three factors. 1) I dislike Nightwing. 2) I possibly identify a little much with Babs (though I'm not nearly so smart and am a tech-incompetent) and 3) from what I've seen the relationship reminds me of certain relationships I've had, which ended messily.

Ignoring 1) for the moment as that is completely subjective, the reason I think they're fundamentally incompatible has to do with 2) and 3).

See, Barbara, at least as *I* see her (hence where the over-identification is likely to come in) is a strikingly independent person. She likes having her own space. She seems to avoid a lot of personal ties. She doesn't really even like to have someone help push her chair, preferring to do things under her own power. It's not that she doesn't like people, I think, but she likes to have quiet time. Time to herself, for her own projects, which are probably always going to be just a little more important than interacting with the people around her.

Dick isn't like that. Dick's a character that at heart needs people. He needs interaction. He needs reassurance and emotional support from the people who love him, possibly due to being raised by Mr. Warm and Fuzzy Feelings himself. When he led the Titans, there were very heavy camaraderie and familial bonds (as opposed to Barbara's more hands-off, mastermind approach with the Birds), when in Outsiders, he tried for a more emotionally disconnected, ice-queen approach, it failed miserably. When Dick loves, he certainly seems to go all out.

So you've got a character that prefers independence, distance and space with a character that thrives on emotional bonds and sharing and give and take. And honestly, those two ideals are pretty incompatible, and there really isn't a middle ground. It's either/or here. Everything's going to be either too much or not enough.

There's really only one way this could work realistically, and that's for one personality to subsume their own desires for the sake of their partner. Which already is trouble waiting to happen. Not to mention that both Babs and Dick are very strong personalities. Burying their own desires for the other's needs is not going to happen.

It's really easy for someone to say, oh, they can change. Especially in the case of Barbara, oh, she can put down her computer and spend time with him. But it's really not that simple. Because then it becomes an obligation. A chore to do when she could be doing something else. Dick's a very tactile character, so he's going to be likely for the casual physical touching. Hands on the shoulders. Embracing, that sort of thing. But when you're someone who's more private, these casual touches quickly become invasive and irritating. They're something to be endured. And that's really not a healthy mindset in a relationship. You shouldn't have to endure your partner.

And for Dick, it's not fair for him to have to restrain himself. Without the emotional support he'd need, it'd all end up very unhealthily one-sided. And he's kind of already got one of those...even if Bruce is *trying* now.

Again, a lot of this is me over-identifying, I'm sure. But having been in more than enough relationships with this sort of dynamic, they're awfully painful for both participants. Unpleasant.

Not that I'd stop reading or anything if they *did* get together, but personally, I'm really glad that they're not.

Besides, Barbara deserves so much better! :-P