Pretty, Fizzy Paradise

I'm back! And reading! And maybe even blogging! No promises!

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Welcome Minions to your new HELL!

Hah, well, I've stolen my blog back! Bizarro Kalinara has been thus defeated. However, I *have* saved a copy of it for posterity here. :-) Victory is *mine*!


Me Bizarro-Kal, Me steal Kal's place. Me...aw, to hell with it.

Anyway, I am indeed Bizarro Kalinara, and unlike the rest of my odious legion, *I* can speak proper English.

Anyway, now that I've stolen this blog from my far too cheery counterpart, I will now list the truth of the matter, instead of that fool's idiot opinions.

First:

There is no room in comics for vulgarity and suggestive imagery. For fuck's sake, think of the children!

Second:

Continuity is worthless, who needs to see lasting impact and consequences that will extend a story and explore more fascinating ramifications of one-shot actions.

Third:

Superhero comics are trivial, banal, worthless examples of an already pointless medium.

Fourth:

That said, I love Hawkman. And Professor Xavier is an admirable human being.

Fifth:

Sidekicks are pointless little exercises in a vast homosexual conspiracy designed to corrupt all of us into approving of their pathetic gratification of pederasty.

Sixth:

The Green Lantern comics are a particularly pointless and uninteresting waste of time. What use is having many well-developed characters sharing the same stage and interacting, when we should have one banal and uninteresting sole hero with no conflict or flaws, and *certainly* no gratuitous ass shots.

Seventh:

There is no room for original storytelling in comic books. Formulae become such for a reason and should never be altered.

Eighth:

There is no room for legacy in comics. In fact, only Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman as they have always been should exist.

Ninth:

I hereby announce that that pitiful WFA website, will henceforth be re-organized to highlight the trials and tribulations of the rich, white conservative male in the world at large.

Tenth:

Do NOT bother responding with either disagreement OR agreement. I have absolutely no interest in what you purile imbeciles have to say. And certainly will not deign to respond in like discourse. If you disagree, you are WRONG. If you agree for reasons that I have not addressed, well, I do not care. Your reasons are certainly not as valid as mine. And thus should never be shared, ever.

Have a miserable day,

-Bizarro Kalinara, Monarch of Ugly, Non-Fizzy HELL!

(April Fools Day, guys!)

10 Comments:

  • At April 01, 2006 7:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    BRILLIANT!

     
  • At April 01, 2006 8:26 AM, Blogger Melchior del DariĆ©n said…

    Finally, a Bizarro who realizes she can screw with our minds much more effectively by speaking in standard English!

    All I can say is, dude, you should be writing Superman/Batman.

     
  • At April 01, 2006 8:33 AM, Blogger kalinara said…

    anon: Hmph when I care for your opinion, I'll tell you it.

    melchior: I have no interest in such a pitiful endeavor.

     
  • At April 01, 2006 11:48 AM, Blogger CalvinPitt said…

    John Byrne? Is that you?

     
  • At April 01, 2006 2:12 PM, Blogger Tom Foss said…

    how cold you go that hole post withou't talkinmg about the comix god ROB LIEFELD!!!!

    youre site relly is hell cuz you dont talk about LIEFELD or BRYNE!!! That guys wrong, your not BYRNE he is A GOD not like you who SUXXX!!!!

     
  • At April 01, 2006 5:11 PM, Blogger kalinara said…

    calvinpitt: No, and I despise that person for his work on the horrid Blood of the Demon.

    Tom: Byrne while otherwise tolerable earns my dislike for BotD. Liefeld...well, you may be on to something there. His art is definitely to my tastes.

     
  • At April 03, 2006 9:39 AM, Blogger Ferrous Buller said…

    Good use of both "pederasty" and "gratuitous ass shots."

     
  • At April 03, 2006 12:15 PM, Anonymous green means wheelpower aka V said…

    Cue 1812 oveture! Bizarro Kal You are not nearly as evil as kal;) ___1_ u ! (V)
    ROTFLOL

     
  • At April 03, 2006 1:07 PM, Blogger kalinara said…

    Ferrous: I'll pass that along to Bizarro Kalinara. :-) Thanks.

    Green: Shhh, don't let anyone know that she's actually the good twin.

     
  • At April 03, 2006 1:56 PM, Anonymous green means wheelpower said…

    But less fun I should know. Evil twins unite!MUHAHAHAHA!...Ahem;-)

     

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