Pretty, Fizzy Paradise

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Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Non-Comic: Autobiographical: My Great Vendetta

This post is non-comic related and is instead autobiographical, completely true and thus rather boring. Feel free to skip it.

The one disadvantage to having an attention span that works like mine does is that while on one hand, you can be incredibly focused on increasingly bizarre things for long periods of time, it also comes about that other important things can completely slip your mind.

For example, I'd completely forgotten, somewhere along the way, about how I declared war on goats, deer, goats that think they're deer and vice versa. (I can never keep them straight.)

Oh well, it means I now have the benefit of surprise!

See, it all started about four years ago (for perspective, I only started reading comics about two and a half years ago. So my war on certain ungulates has occurred throughout my ENTIRE superhero comic experience!)

Anyway, my reasons for this are threefold, stemming from the study abroad experience I had in Japan. You see, what is not necessarily commonly noted is that in certain places in Japan, deer are held sacred. And those little cretins know it!

Fortunately, I'm over HERE, and thus my vendetta against the little monsters can remain unchecked.

But as to my reasons, again they are threefold:

1. The damn things tried to steal my lunch! TWICE.

Seriously! Every time I saw the damn thing, it'd try to steal my lunch! I need my lunch, you divinely sanctioned evil little monster!

2. They have no respect for personal property.

Not only do they try to steal poor defenseless college student's lunches, once, when I was in Nara, (Nara is the Las Vegas for vile hooved things,) I looked down and saw the body of a deer and a neck. And it's HEAD was BURIED in my PURSE. You don't stick your head in a woman's purse!

Oh yeah, it is ON.

I screamed like a little girl of course, (Diamondrock can attest to this actually, he was there) and the thing very CALMLY pulled its head OUT OF MY PURSE, with a Nara brochure lodged in its TEETH.

That damn thing stole my BROCHURE! It's not like it needed it! IT was a local! I was the foreigner damnit!

It's not just Nara that's plagued by my vile enemy. My adversary can also be found on the island shrine of Miyajima. Where not only did it try to steal my lunch AGAIN (my host mother had made gyoza damnit, that thing will get it over my dead body!)

I also found one biting the SLEEVE of my COAT! (It was hot and I had it tied around my waist.) It tried to EAT my CLOTHES!

...I think Diamondrock was there for that too. Anyway, that brings us to the third reason.

3. While at Miwajima? I saw one EAT a CAN.

Deer aren't supposed to eat cans, damnit. GOATS eat cans. These deer not only get to live in impunity because of their partial divinity, they get to DEFY THE NATURAL ORDER.

They aren't really deer. They're GOATS. Vile, evil GOATS in the guise of DEER.

They MUST be stopped!

They are the DICK GRAYSONs of the animal kingdom and have earned my undying hatred.

In case you doubt the seriousness of this threat, look! It's happened to someone else!

(This picture was taken by Stephen A. Edwards and was originally located at:

Their reign of terror must end!


  • At September 26, 2007 7:39 AM, Blogger Centurion said…

    I know exactly what you mean. I had a friend get knocked over by a deer in Nara when I visited. Talk about abusive...

  • At September 26, 2007 7:43 AM, Blogger kalinara said…

    YOU. I'm sure I told you about my vendetta agains those things! Why did you not remind me?!


  • At September 26, 2007 8:01 AM, Blogger Nenena said…

    Ah, Nara. The first time I visited Nara, a deer ate my map. The second time, they attacked my stepmom. And I won't even start on the deer that harassed my bio-mom at Miyajima.

    I still reserve my ultimate hatred, however, for the big fat American deer that totaled my mom's car when I was fifteen. She was going to let me drive that car, dammit!

  • At September 26, 2007 8:39 AM, Blogger Thomwade said…

    Dear teeth are used to make those knives that cut cans.

  • At September 26, 2007 9:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Kalinara I feel your pain. We have apple trees +rassberry bushes galore, but we never get any because the @#$% beasts come out of the woods and strip them bare! They must pay!!

    I remind everyone also that deer HUNTING season is almost apon us. To war my friends!

    (I wish there was a Hand Grenade season, but at least I get to be medievil and use a crossbow! MUHAHAHAHA!
    Ahe. ;)

  • At September 26, 2007 9:49 AM, Blogger SallyP said…

    Bambi, schmambi. The damn things come into my yard and devour my rhododendrons.

    Other than that, how do you feel about geese? Man I hate geese.

  • At September 26, 2007 10:05 AM, Blogger kalinara said…

    Oh god, Sally, my hatred of geese (spec. Canadian Geese) is a post in and of itself.

    I went to highschool at a charter school located in Henry Ford Museum and Greenfield Village. Because all the upper classmen had class in the village itself, every day it was dodge horse and geese crap and try to avoid the damn things which would travel in fucking packs.

    They were bold suckers too since no one wanted to even hit one with a car because it was a 500 dollar fine. I saw one plant itself in the middle of the road, because it could!

    They were fun to chase though.

    Oh and I've posted some pictures of my enemy here. I'm in one!

  • At September 26, 2007 11:09 PM, Blogger Alix said…

    I have no feelings one way or another on deer, but can I just say I'm glad others hate geese?

    I was fiveish, visiting my grandparents, and they took me to this awesome park. With a lake, which is how I knew it was awesome.

    And these geese bigger than I was surround me and start honking at me and biting me.

    Well, that ruined that trip.

    I want to wring the neck of every goose I meet.

  • At September 27, 2007 6:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Awww.. c'mon. At least they're trained to bow before they eat your lunch in Nara. That's cool.

  • At September 29, 2007 7:13 AM, Blogger Greg Sanders said…

    The funniest thing that happened during my trip to Nara was a rather inept theft. A deer grabbed a bag of leftover cheesecake. The cheesecake fell-out (fortunately it was still plastic wrapped) and the deer ignored it in favor of eating the bag.


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