Conventions, Constantine and Catholicism

Okay, so I'm going to get to go to my first comic convention in June. Heroes Convention, in North Carolina! Yay! I've been to a few anime cons, but never a comic one, so I'm excited. Hope it's fun.

In other news, I finally saw Constantine (in my Anthropology/Religion class here at Michigan State. Fun class, really, but I digress). I have to admit, it wasn't as bad as I expected. It made for a passably decent occult movie.

Of course it wasn't anything like Hellblazer, but that's life.

I even thought Keanu Reeves wasn't that bad. I admire him for sticking to roles that consist of him being broody, close-mouthed and pretty. He's good at that and does it well.

Of course, John Constantine shouldn't be such a role, but that's not his fault, he didn't write it. I also didn't like the revisioning of Chaz as would-be apprentice. Chaz is appealing to me because of his opposite status to John, he's the physical guy, the brawn, and even if John is a manipulative bastard, he can punch him, and things are oddly balanced. The subordinate role takes that away...but then this Constantine doesn't need the humanizing element of the comic one.

I thought the redemption element was decently done, if cliched. Comic!John wouldn't have one of course, at the end of the movie, he'd be still smoking away. And it wouldn't have been God and Lucifer fighting over his soul but rather Lucifer and yet another demon. And the girl would have ended up dead too.

One thing bothers me, the rampant "Catholicism" in the movie. Now I'm placing Catholicism in quotes because the Hollywood portrayal of Catholicism never bears any sort of resemblance to the real thing. People have such a fucked up idea of real, everyday Catholicism that it's really freaking weird.

A) Since Vatican II, very few masses are conducted in Latin. There are usually 1-2 churches that still practice in Latin per diocese, official church documents are in Latin. Your average everyday Catholic doesn't speak Latin, and probably has only heard Latin a few times in their entire lives.

B) Exorcisms are rare and not really conducted like you see in most movies. They're actually reasonably quiet, sedate, somber affairs. There are very few practicing Exorcists in the United States, and most are in Archdioceses (or whatever the plural of that is, I'm a bad ex-Catholic).

C) The average Catholic is not very dogmatic or extreme in belief. You will not see a lot of bible-thumping Catholics. There's a reason for this. When the center of your religion condemns *condoms*, you tend to take what they say with a grain of salt. Seriously. Do what you want and Confess later is the most common philosophy. (Or as my mom says: "If God really wanted us to follow all that, he'd have carved it on a rock.")

Religion actually doesn't play a huge part in the average Catholic's life. At least no more than other religions play in the lives of most Anglicans, Episcopalians, Presbyterians, Lutherans, Methodists or Secular Jews. (Just to name a few examples.)

D) Most Catholics won't be able to quote verse or passage from the Bible. See, Catholicism tends to teach out of their own translations, the Catechisms and the Gospels seperately as well as other church traditions. In my experience, though it probably varies with particular groups, sects, you'd be more likely to hear a devout Catholic mention the Gospel According to Matthew/Mark/Luke/John than to hear one say "Corinthians 2:18" or "John 3:16". That shorthand is more common among Protestants, I think.

Besides, King James I was an Anglican Heretic, why the heck would we be quoting his version of the Bible. :-P

E) Catholics do not worship Mary, Mother of Jesus, or the Saints. they *venerate* them. There's a big difference. Catholics only worship God in his Holy Trinity. (Father, Son, Holy Spirit). They do pray to other beings sometimes, but it's not the same...see, *this* is the "Hail Mary":

"Hail Mary, Full of Grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed are thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, Pray for us Sinners, now and at the hour of our deaths. Amen".

That's not worship, that's the spiritual equivalent of asking for a *recommendation letter*.

F) We don't have any more experience with the Occult than the rest of you. Seriously. Stop it.

Serious. *Hellblazer* didn't/doesn't have anything to do with Catholicism. I'm pretty sure John Constantine isn't even Catholic. (If he's anything, I'd imagine he's Church of England). Why the hell are Catholics all over this movie then?!

Oh wait, I know, it's the robes and the Latin and the crucifixes, the candles and the wine and the altars, the Gothic Cathedrals with all the stained glass, buttresses, gargoyles and hunchbacks in the belltowers. All that lovely imagery to play with. It's "exotic". Hmph.

I'm not Catholic anymore, I'm very much ex-Catholic. I'm the spiritual equivalent of a College Freshman on her first week on campus and all that entails. But this is still my *culture*, you're fucking with here. Please, just one time, try to get it right.

Or at least a little less wrong.

Thank you.

(Gabriel was pretty awesome in that movie though.)