Egads!

Okay, so I went to Borders today to buy the Fantastic Four DVD, which I did, when I found something that looked interesting. A hardcover Green Lantern book (Sleepers, 3).

Well, it was the third in a trilogy, but I figured it couldn't hurt to look to see if it was worth hunting down the previous ones. Even if it's not canon, it could be fun. I did after all enjoy O'Neal's Hero Quest.

Big mistake. The book is terrible. Christopher Priest was the novelist. And I would rather see Kyle Rayner permanently written by Brad Metzer until the end of fucking time than see him ever in the hands of this guy.

Hal's the hero of the book, which is fine (though the timeline's screwy, more on that in a second), but Kyle is written as an absolute ineffectual twit who is skirting a deadline in order to illustrate a fucking duck for an asshole editor named Howard.

Okay, now the book is set in a nebulous timeframe when Hal's the Spectre, but he gets temporarily re-animated in this trilogy. Kyle's dating Jade but not yet working for Feast. But honestly, there's a whole half a chapter devoted to how Kyle's the type of character who can't just sit down and draw a duck, he has to google names and types of ducks, and spend hours bitching on how the author didn't choose the right kind of duck, and is constantly late to deadlines because he's not satisfied with the duck.

Hold up a second, this is *Kyle Rayner* we're talking about. Yeah he likes revising/fixing his work and isn't completely satisfied, and he's frequently personally late. But he's the single most visually creative of the Lanterns. He's known for instantaneously constructing much more complicated designs when he needs to (and don't get me started on how he looks to the ring, tempted to just goof off and lose the deadline: Kyle's a little silly, but he doesn't go joy-riding with the fucking ring, and he takes his job seriously). We've also seen that he's pretty adamant about keeping deadlines for his work in the comic, worrying about them, and is usually on time for them.

Not to mention that at this point he's had gallery openings and published cartoons in Rena Stone's magazine that will soon get him the nice steady comic-drawing job at Feast. He's successful enough, by the time he's dating Jade, to probably not need to deal with any sort of Howards. And he's shown to be professional enough when writing for Feast anyway.

But that's nitpicky. The guy is also written as completely impossible. Hal tells him he has to do some sort of energy/matter conversion with the ring. And Kyle first is incomprehending (which is annoying as it wasn't a hard concept), and then has to *write it down*. This is the guy who on Batman's vague command *contained a SUPERNOVA in a construct that looks like a safe*. Who rebuilt computers and DNA machines based on what he thinks they'll look like. He might not understand everything it's supposed to do, but he can do it regardless.

Then apparently we're supposed to believe that somehow someone manages to switch his ring with Sinestro's sleeper ring and he couldn't tell. (Not to mention Hal is able to use the ring. Yes, he uses it in Emerald Knights...but that's because Kyle lets him. It's genetically tied to him.) Kyle couldn't TELL he had the wrong ring?!

And then he gets defeated ignobly (*grr*) and is in the infirmary for the rest of the book. Damnit, this is the guy who caught a Supernova through force of will. Who blew up Oa to stop Parallax. He was the one Lantern able to stop a full-powered Traitor! And helped Hal hand Sinestro's ass to him in the past, when Hal was in his prime, earning the respect of both Hal and the Guardians. He can be taken out, yes, but at least give him a good showing!
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But it gets worse. I mean, Priest is ostensibly a Hal fan. But Hal is written just as bad. Hal constantly does stupid things in the book and is an absolute jackass. This is not the Hal I liked so much in Green Lantern volume 3 (both as Hal, as Parallax, as Spectre, and Emerald Knights!Hal), Rebirth or the new series.

And to add insult to injury, Hal spends many chapters being openly hostile to Kyle. Even having to "fight back his dislike".

His dislike. Of Kyle. His *dislike*! I would be very shocked to find out that Mr. Priest has ever read *any* Green Lantern past issue 50. Hal's *always* respected Kyle. Even as Parallax, Hal had a healthy respect for Kyle's abilities. Let alone giving the ring back to Kyle after being Lead-Piped, or when Kyle came to him for help against the Sin-Eater.

As the Spectre, Hal was often a good voice of reason/support for Kyle. And in Circle of Fire, before any of the characters even realize Hal is the Spectre, Hal's very vocal about his concern. (The pushing back of his hood and "Godspeed," bit made me snicker just a little).

Hell, even Hal-from-the-past in Emerald Knights respected and liked Kyle, without all of the past history there.

Finally at the end, after being nobly victorious, Hal goes back to the infirmary, realizes that he "shouldn't be so hard on the kid" and returns the ring to him. And I want to show *that* to any Kyle-fan who bitches that Johns patronized Kyle-fans and gave us a pittiance in Rebirth.

There is a big difference between a Hal-loving writer who loves the Green Lantern concept and likes and respects Kyle for saving/carrying on the title, who allows Kyle to have in some ways even more of a vital role in Rebirth than Hal himself...and THIS.
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This book was horrible. Seriously. Alan was out of character, Guy and John were made into useless dissenting voices (think Batman in Rebirth, without the validity of his doubts), Kyle was a twit and Hal was a jackass. No character was unscathed.

I don't want this writer near *HAL* again, let alone Kyle.

Apparently Priest also wrote under the name James Owsley. And wrote that godawful storyline where Hal went on Oprah to set the record straight and somehow ended up with a fear of HEIGHTS. As a *pilot*. Let alone the stupidity of going on Oprah to "clear his reputation" to begin with. Thank god they retconned it.

Ragnell tells me he's also the guy who killed Katma Tui in an 8 page story where she was incredibly out of character.

Please Mr. Priest, I liked the Ray but put down the Lanterns and promise never to touch them again. Ever.

It's a bad sign when my first reaction just before seething anger is "Thank god this isn't canon."
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On the plus side I got ahold of both Rebirth (yay) and World War III in Trade form. Yay. Much much better.