Pretty, Fizzy Paradise

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Friday, September 14, 2007

PFP Annual Green Lantern Flame-War Open For Business!

This post of Ragnell's is pretty good. It's expressing frustration at certain Green Lantern fans who can't praise their favorite without knocking the other guy.

Of course, since she titles it "I rarely see this from Guy fans", I had to jump in and flame all the other Earth Lanterns.

Well, I had fun, but the flamewar quickly gets over taken by people with rational intelligent comments. And that's no fun, so I decided to relocate it over here with an open invitation.

All Green Lantern fans, come in here to trash the other guy!

Rules: No intelligent commentary. This is only about knocking down everyone else's favorite! Personal attacks are okay too! It's a free for all!

I'll start of course: Alan's senile, Hal's a weenie, Kyle's a twerp, John's a block of wood. G'nort's a puppy. And that Mathematic Equation...well, what do you think'll happen when someone SOLVES it!

Oh yeah, and Mogo? BEATEN BY A FUNGUS.

Your move!


  • At September 14, 2007 4:47 AM, Blogger Ragnell said…

    Soranik Natu is a ripoff of Dr. Crusher!

  • At September 14, 2007 5:25 AM, Blogger iamza said…

    Guy's a barbaric savage with the thought processes of a demented three-year-old. Hal is a stupid, sexist pig. Alan is way, WAY too old for the job, and Kyle has yet to outgrow his diapers.

    Clearly, John is the only sane and sensible choice for Earth's leading GL. Why can't you people recognize this?!?!1!!

  • At September 14, 2007 5:43 AM, Blogger LurkerWithout said…

    With a single 22 minute episode, Daffy Duck proved that every other Green Lantern was a chump compared to his awesomeness. Clearly the Oans screwed up FOUR times in who they picked for the ring...

    GL Dodgers would have ended the Sinestro Corps War in like 4 minutes...

  • At September 14, 2007 8:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Pfft. Humans? Planets? Everyone knows the greatest of all the Green Lanterns is Ch'p.

  • At September 14, 2007 8:38 AM, Blogger Tom Bondurant said…

    "Trash the other guy?" All ... (counts) 7,199 of 'em?


    Abin Sur: If you're so smart, why aren't you still alive? Also: nice parenting skills, jerk!

    Amanita: Speaking ... the ... oath ... shouldn't ... take ... two ... hours....

    Arisia: Hey, there's a Bratz Green Lantern!

    Arkiss Chummuck: When the other guy says "eat me," he doesn't mean literally!

    Boodikka: Big Barda called -- she wants her schtick back!

    Ch'p: Squirrel Girl called -- oh, never mind.

    Charlie Vicker: How come all the other human Lanterns get to, you know, live on Earth? Hmmm, Charlie?

    Chaselon: Your mother was zirconium!

    Man, this is going to take a while. Where's that list--?

  • At September 14, 2007 9:44 AM, Blogger Centurion said…

    Why are there no non-human green lanterns from earth? At least the Sinestro Corp would consider something like a shark or bear...

  • At September 14, 2007 9:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    The Green Lantern Corps tried to get a non-human member, but they couldn't find Nemo.

  • At September 14, 2007 9:57 AM, Blogger elias A. said…

    What is a Green Lantern?

  • At September 14, 2007 10:02 AM, Blogger Rob S. said…

    Pfft. Flash kicks all of their asses. ANy Flash. Heck, Winky, Blinky & Noddy could do it.

  • At September 14, 2007 10:49 AM, Blogger Will Staples said…

    Alan, senile? What you say?!

    All Green Lanterns from the '50s onward are pale, shallow imitations of the One, True, Greatest Green Lantern ever -- ALAN SCOTT!!!

    (except Guy, he's okay)

    He had it ALL -- he was ORIGINAL, not some lame Lensman ripoff!!! To claim that Alan was anything less than the Best Green Lantern of All Time is at best naive foolishness and AT WORST A BALD FACED LIE!!!

  • At September 14, 2007 12:46 PM, Blogger SallyP said…

    Well, Hal got taken out by mustard once. MUSTARD! The "Greatest" GL and he's defeated by a condiment!

    So theoretically, Alan can be defeated by a pair of chopsticks.

    Kilowog should lay off of the doughnuts, they're making him fat.

    Arisia should get a new costume. Her old one shrunk in the wash, or something.

    Boodika had sex with Lobo once. LOBO! Gah!

    John is far too intelligent and rational to make for an interesting GL. He probably already has his taxes done for next year. He alphabetizes his spices. He probably starches his underwear.

    Kyle has the attention span of a two-year old. It's a damn good thing he's cute.

    Guy is perfect the way that he is.

  • At September 14, 2007 1:49 PM, Blogger Tom Bondurant said…

    Which one admitted listening to Barbra Streisand records (in the Gerry Jones days)? Wasn't that Guy?

    Also, I wonder if Guy watched that Michigan/Appalachian State game....

  • At September 14, 2007 2:30 PM, Blogger SallyP said…

    No, it was John who listens to Streisand. AND Bobby Short. Guy was the one who was mocking him for it.

    But Guy WAS probably crying in his beer over the Michigan/Appalachian football game.

  • At September 14, 2007 2:33 PM, Blogger Tom Bondurant said…

    Gotcha. Well, I still like John anyway....

  • At September 14, 2007 5:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    How dare you insult Mogo, Kalinara! You will pay! With mold remover!

  • At September 14, 2007 7:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    All the Green Lanterns but Drtsky Rrrr SUCK SO HARD!

    He's the only Lantern that never has been shown to meess up, fail, or be startled. He also is the only reason any Lanterns ever succeed. They ALL need him invisibly save their arses or they'll fail miserably.

    Plus, none of the other Lanterns are math. That makes him the best.


  • At September 14, 2007 8:20 PM, Blogger notintheface said…

    Alan Scott: An idiot who calls himself "Green Lantern" but wears a red shirt.

    Hal: All those head injuries wrecked his brain.

    Guy: He once got pwned by a cat. And I don't mean a tiger or a panther or Ted Grant or Selina Kyle. I mean a regular cat.

    John: So it is possible to be black and colorless at the same time.

    Kyle: Emo much?

    Laira: The only way for her to be more of a 90's Psylocke ripoff is to have her start blathering on about "focused totality".

    Ch'p: It's called "looking both ways". You might want to try it. Whoops! Too late!.

    Ke'haan: He's really handy -- if you have to open a giant wine bottle using his head.

    Kilowog: Lose some weight, Poozer!

    Rond Vidar rules.

  • At September 14, 2007 9:25 PM, Blogger Will Staples said…

    HEY. The red shirt is the BEST PART of Alan's costume. It is poofy, like a pirate's. Pirates are COOL. Thus Alan Scott is COOL.


  • At September 14, 2007 10:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I'll give you pirates, due to Nextwave's pirate status, but Al'd never be able to claim to be awesome with a poofy shirt.

    See: Seinfeld.

    Thus Drtsky Rrrr is better than Alan. Q.E.D.

  • At September 14, 2007 11:48 PM, Blogger zhinxy said…

    The most famous scene of Guy is ALMOST INARGUABLY... What?


    Hal doesn't bring enough cash to pay strippers!

    Kyle shoved my beloved Tangent Universe Green Lantern into a lantern, despite the fact that they'd just been, like, all melded together, and you SHOULD CALL A CHICK AFTER THAT, not shove her in a lantern.

    Asshole. But she'll be back, mark my words, and ARE ANY OF YOUR GREEN LANTERNS CRYPT KEEPER RIP-OFFS? huh? ARE THEY?

    NO. My LANTERN WINS. (andsheandkyleisloveeventhoughheshovedherinalantern)


    I'd like to see any of your lanterns fight Sinestro-Wearing-A-Purple-Suit.


  • At September 15, 2007 12:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Oh, and Kal, Drtsky's a mathmatical progression, not equation. HA!

    Knowing that two follows one does not make sequence less infinite, or more finished.


  • At September 15, 2007 12:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Oh, and anyone who disagrees is a moron who likes "Wizard" and...

    That's insulting enough, really.

  • At September 15, 2007 10:36 AM, Blogger SallyP said…

    Gosh, this is just!

    Hal has committment issues. And Daddy issues. And Mommy issues. Face it, the man has issues!

    Guy didn't get hugged enough as a child.

    John probaby owns stock in Starbucks. This makes him evil.

    I've come to believe that the Guardians of the Universe actually have a really warped sense of humor, and that most of it is directed at Hal. He keeps whining, and ends up quitting his job, to be with Carol, but regrets it almost immediately. But since he told the Guardians to take their ring and shove it, he really can't complain.

    So...the Guardians give the ring to John. Hal starts crying that they can't do that...the man ARCHITECT! Oh the horror.

    Then they give a ring to Guy. The man that Hal almost blew up, cuckolded and who is now crazy as a loon.

    THEN they give a ring to a drunken metrosexual in an alley!

    No WONDER Hal went all Parallax on their asses.

  • At September 17, 2007 8:23 AM, Blogger Ununnilium said…

    Now I'm imagining someone forgetting to carry the two on the sentient equation and spawning a Sinestro Corps version.

  • At September 17, 2007 11:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Math Progression!

  • At October 05, 2007 2:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Yeah, see, the reason the Lanterns are getting beat by Sinestro is because they went ahead and revived just about every dead Green Lantern *except* for Ch'p.
    Clearly, for want of a nut, the war was lost.


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