Pretty, Fizzy Paradise

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Thursday, April 12, 2007


Every so often, I see a lot of folks ask the question, "What kind of superpower would you want most?" It's a good question, one that can reveal a lot about a person. My ideal power would be teleportation. Mostly because I am lazy and perpetually three minutes late and I like going places. Also I could then teleport to that Gyuudon place in Sannomiya, which I've been craving for a good three-four years now.

I am not going to ask that question. As it's boring. :-P

My question is: which superhero powers would you be most likely to abuse in the most ridiculous/stupidest way possible?

Mine would probably be a Green Lantern ring. Because, dude, I'd be a freaking terrible Green Lantern. Also, remember Sins of Youth? How Kyle had a different outfit every panel? That'd be me. I'm not much of a clothes horse now, but I'd never be able to resist the temptation.

Seriously, mid sentence it'd go from standard uniform to gigantic taffeta ball-gown. The more tasteless the better. Then it'd be samurai armor. Then it'd be a giant goat costume. Just because I could.

I'd be using it to fuck with people too. Talking to Batman, green cat-woman costume... Oh lord, would I mess with Batman. The conjurations I would make...

I'd die in my first battle. If my comrades didn't kill me themselves out of sheer annoyance. If I didn't go absolutely power mad and trade it in for a yellow ring first. I always did have something of a meglomaniacal bent.

So what about you? What powers should you never never have because of the stupid things you'd do?


  • At April 12, 2007 7:17 AM, Blogger Lis Riba said…

    Reading your post aloud to my husband, he says, unequivocally, "Bouncing"

    When I asked what he'd do with such powers, he says "I don't know, but it'd be bad."

    I think for me, it might be teleportation. Because I'd just go places on whim. Forget about Googling for information, I could just whoomph into the library, whatever the hour. Probably get into a lot of trouble for avoiding admission queues and forgetting to pay tickets...
    When I suddenly remember something I have to grab from the office, and think "I'll only be there for a moment, nobody will see me so I don't need to get dressed" I'll get in so much trouble...

    Yeah, I want teleportation powers, too.

  • At April 12, 2007 7:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    So basically, you'd go all Parallax, Kalinara?

  • At April 12, 2007 10:52 AM, Blogger SallyP said…

    Oh a Green Lantern ring for sure. Only instead of the French Maid, that Guy used to conjure up, I'd have my own Alfred. No more housework!

    But you definitely need the green glowing ball gown...with a GL symbol of course. And flowers, gloves, fan and a muff.

  • At April 12, 2007 11:51 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Weather Control think about it. Don't want to go to school/work: instant Snow Day! Not enough pouder on the moutain: fixxed! Need to sneak around: instant Fog. No more muddy roads messing my chair w/ inant hot breeze. And speaking of breezes as the hot girl walks quote Bruce Almighty "and he saw that it was GOOD!" Rain every MINN. Vikinggame out (everyone thought I was a Fan 'cause of purple body cast at Mayo never again).:) And always make the weather so that it's always possible to wear a sexy outfit...It goes on and on! EVIL GRIN;)

    SALLYP+KALINARA: and ya know the center of the GL symbol should be cut out as a boob window ala Power Girl.:)

  • At April 12, 2007 12:03 PM, Blogger Ferrous Buller said…

    Two words: mind control.

    "KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!" indeed.

  • At April 12, 2007 12:17 PM, Blogger SallyP said…

    I hadn't thought of a boob window, but must admit that it would add to the general...MAGNIFICENCE of the dress.

    Let's see Kyle, with his endless switching of costumes, top THAT!

  • At April 12, 2007 12:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    NPR's "This American Life" broadcast a segment from a guy who used a super power-related question as a unique icebreaker at parties and bars. He would ask "Which would you prefer: the ability to fly or invisibility?"

    Invariably, those who chose invisibility always picked it so they could perform morally questionable, if not outright illegal activities.

    Curiously, no matter which one they picked, no one ever said they would use the ability to fight crime.

    As for your original question, for me, it would be the ability to change my appearance a la the Human Target.

  • At April 12, 2007 1:27 PM, Blogger Zaratustra said…

    If I had flying, I'd mostly use it to dodge customs and other annoying law forces. But a green lantern ring is fine too. :P

  • At April 12, 2007 3:06 PM, Blogger Ragtime said…

    Yeah. Definitely invisibility.

    Because I'm really nosey.

  • At April 12, 2007 4:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    And the magnificnnce of the woman sallyp remember this is an ego centered manifestation of a positive self image IOW Kalinara is going outof her way to wield her physical assets in addition to substancial wit and personality priorities sallyp, priorities:) ( fact and compliment in one

  • At April 12, 2007 7:17 PM, Blogger R.Nav said…

    Telekenesis. It's just like having a power ring, except invisible! And the sheer anonimity of my chaos would be key.

    If the que for evil telekenetics is all filled up, I'd settle for weather donination. Not control. Control suggests order. Domination, baby!

  • At April 12, 2007 8:44 PM, Blogger Greg Sanders said…

    Also telekenesis, but the weak sort. Not because I'd cause chaos but because I'd just do stupid lazy stuff. Like making breakfest while lying in bed even though I can only see the stove from my bed. Or typing while leaning back in my chair. I'd probably end up knocking a lot of stuff over just to avoid doing things the mildly hard way.

    Also vain stuff. Like doing dramatic wind or fixing my hair or that sort of thing.

  • At April 12, 2007 9:41 PM, Blogger CalvinPitt said…

    I could never be given any sort of power that involves me shooting beams of destructive force (of any sort), because I have a tendency to get a little high-strung, and the temptation to use the power to blow up whatever is pissing me off would be too high risk.

  • At April 12, 2007 10:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…


    a) Mischief
    b) Crime
    c) Running keeps you in shape

  • At April 13, 2007 1:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    A power to use for no good? Probably the power to shut off everyone else's powers.

    "Up, up, and awaAAAAAHH!!!"

  • At April 13, 2007 1:36 AM, Blogger Erich said…

    The power I would love to have but shouldn't: Kid Eternity's.

    In the first place, I'd have to be dead (or halfway-between) to have the power. Second, I'd abuse it by summoning just about any historical or literary figure I could think of...and then I'd be too awestruck to think of anything interesting to talk about with them.

    I can also imagine repeatedly making a fool of myself by asking Helen of Troy, Marilyn Monroe, Moll Flanders, etc., out on dates. (Note to self: Just because you have the power to summon them, you still won't have anything in common with them.) Although it would be worth asking James Joyce's Molly Bloom just to be turned down by her: "no I said no I won't No."

  • At April 13, 2007 5:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Definitely super speed for pulling pranks at the speed of light.

  • At April 15, 2007 10:57 AM, Blogger VP81955 said…

    Perhaps the ability to change size a la Rita Farr of the Doom Patrol (on the condition that my clothes also enlarge or shrink to the same degree). While nothing is 100% guaranteed, with that power you could walk down a city street at night, and if anyone tries to mug you, well, you instantly make yourself three or four times larger; the mugger would run away in fright, and you could promptly restore yourself to normal size without causing a fuss. Reaching the top shelf at a supermarket would become easier, too.


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