Pretty, Fizzy Paradise

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Monday, March 31, 2008

Wesley Dodds is a Doofus

Apparently I haven't made fun of Wesley Dodds in ages! I must remedy that! Fortunately I can show you this scene from "The Man Who Knew All The Answers". This titular man is not Wes, obvs.

Okay, well, to fill you in, brilliant scientist guy figures out a way to vibrate his unused braincells or something and give himself supersmart cognitive abilities. This leads to trapping them in a vault, and escapage, yadda.

Anyway, because this guy's one of those smart people that are apparently dumber than a box of hair (see also: Dodds, Wesley), they find mention of a fellow with his description storming in and beating the pants off reigning chess champions. God forbid there be subtlety involved. Or at least a fake mustasche!

Anyway, of course, Wes has a plan:

He buys a chess-playing robot from an old museum and sets it up as an unbeatable champion!


Really, how much brain power does it take to wear a freaking disguise. Or at least change your goddamn clothes, seriously.

So there is playing:

Too bad, they played to a draw! Five times! Not too shabby!

So how does the chess playing robot work?

...that is not how you build a chess playing robot, Wes!

Okay, see, if this were Batman, he'd have either gone under disguise himself to chessfully kick the ass of this brainy bad-guy, or he'd have built (or repaired) the awesomest chess playing robot ever. Wes? Wes just buys some old run down thing, shoves his tiny blond sidekick inside with a giant chess text book and goes all "Make me proud, kid!"

That's got to be really uncomfortable, I'm just saying. Though to give Sandy credit, he manages to play a guy with some sort of enhanced brain power to a standstill five times while stuck in a museum robot! Does he get any credit for that, ever? Of course not!

I won't post any of the ending to this, suffice it to say, they follow him, Wes proves his utter inability to tell a convincing lie, Sandy demonstrates his sidekick-worthy prowess in the field of martial arts that look rather wrong if you have even remotely a dirty mind (which I do) and the badguy is properly caught. It's vastly entertaining of course.

But mostly, I can't get over how Wes decides to "make" his miraculous chess-playing robot by shoving his sidekick inside some rickety old museum relic with a book. Yeesh. You're a sucky mentor, Wes.

Also, Burgundy is NOT your color.

(All pictures courtesy of Adventure Comics 498!)


  • At March 31, 2008 10:37 AM, Blogger SallyP said…

    Hee hee. This sounds magnificent. Of course Sandy is the smart one, playing a genius while stuck in an old robot with a book can't be easy!

    It also makes it sound as though playing chess is illegal somehow. But yes, Wes is dumber than mud.

  • At March 31, 2008 2:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    He beat this guy while he was a kid? Yet another reason why Sandy is awesome.

    Hm . . . this makes me wonder who's the best chess player in the JSA. Maybe they could hold a tournament (for charity, of course). I'd buy that comic.

    Poor Wes isn't the brightest bulb in the janitor's closet. Good thing Sandy is there. How did Wes get along without a sidekick anyway?

  • At April 02, 2008 5:33 AM, Blogger Mike Haseloff said…

    I think you might be my new arch-nemesis...

  • At April 02, 2008 6:22 PM, Blogger kalinara said…

    sallyp: Doesn't it sound delightfully clandesdine.

    lady-hespera: I think Mr. Terrific currently holds the title, or at least did when he was pretending to play both Dinah and Hal, but really playing them against the other.

    Luck I'd imagine. Heh.

    Mike: Hey, don't look at me. *I* didn't write this story nor any of the vast multitude of others in which Wes is a doofus. :-) I just happen to enjoy pointing them out so.


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