Pretty, Fizzy Paradise

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Monday, March 19, 2007

Random Ridiculous Realization...

Okay, during my "experimental tokenism" post, I got to thinking.

The reason my random character was Hal Jordan's son is because, honestly, Hal is the least suited of any of the Lanterns to ever have a kid. Also he sleeps around a lot and can be really stupid.

This formula naturally means that at some point in the far future, there needs to be a mini-series populated solely by Hal Jordan's illegitimate children. All of whom he meets as teenagers or young adults, since Hal with an actual child is a thought too terrifying for words.

My brain is a scary place.

Of course, it got me thinking of the other Lanterns.

John needs a nice stable half Korugarian boy and girl *cough*.

Kyle...provided he finds a girl that lives long enough...should have an angsty faux-nihilist poser daughter. (Ragnell's idea actually, but it's funny.) :-)

Guy, in this future that would never happen, needs a daughter. Or daughters. Because...well honestly, Guy with a daughter would be really twistedly cute. She'd be always dressed in impossibly cute pinafore like dresses, immaculate pigtails, and she'd always be in trouble for fighting boys on the playground.

Guy'd be all "Is this true?" She'd be all, "Yes, daddy." He'd be all, "Did you win?" "Yes, daddy." "Good girl."

She'd be unfailingly polite of course. :-)

Now Flidget suggests that Guy's daughter be a lesbian, because Guy would be at a total loss as to how to deal with any of her girlfriends (my suggestion: tying a ribbon to the shotgun).

That's funny, but then there's the comedic possibilities of Guy's daughter dating one of Hal Jordan's multitude of illegitimate sons.

Clearly, he'd need more than one daughter!

Also, I've decided he should have a son too. The baby of the family. A sweet-tempered vegan pacifist prone to sensitivity and even willing to CRY when upset.

Because sometimes, as much as you love your children, they are alien, incomprehensible beings. Also, Guy trying to figure out how to deal with a crying son is a very very amusing prospect.

Maybe it could be an Elseworld. Or Earth -3. Or an alternate future timeline or something. I don't know. It'd entertain ME though. And that's what counts. ;-)


  • At March 19, 2007 11:39 AM, Blogger SallyP said…

    This is a brilliant idea. You KNOW that Hal has kids...somewhere. Heh heh. And there probably isn't a man on earth less capable of dealing with a baby or toddler, much less a teen. Well, except maybe for Kyle.

    Kyle on the other hand, while being completely flummoxed if handed a damp baby, would nevertheless TRY to do something. Hal would just dump a baby onto the nearest breasted biped.

    Actually, John would probably be pretty good with kids. But I think that Guy with a baby would be PERFECT! As macho as he is, he'd take care of it, dammit! And a girl is even better. Can't you see him smacking around Hal for waking up the baby?

    If you can write about Mogo having sex, you can write this.

  • At March 19, 2007 12:38 PM, Blogger Ununnilium said…

    See, now, *this* is what they made the Elseworlds for. Much awesomer than Speeding Bullets.

  • At March 19, 2007 1:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    last night i fell asleep wondering if i was remembering the name korugar correctly, and kind of hoping i wasn't.

    i don't really know how it came up, because i was half-asleep already, only that it was in the context that some planets get their own green lanterns, and others get eaten by galactus.

  • At March 19, 2007 3:21 PM, Blogger Rob S. said…

    I just don't get it.

    I mean, I'm fine with the gay GL, and the GL babies series sounds like it could be fun, but I just don't get where this characterization of Hal comes from. Maybe it's a generational thing -- I'm 37 -- but Hal never struck me as either an idiot or someone who was incredibly sexually active. granted, I didn't read too much of the Gerard Jones GL series (that Kyle eventually took over) or his appearances in Justice League Europe, but aside from the occasional bump on the head, this characterization eludes me. I'm not asking for chapter and verse -- I'm just wondering why people seem to have such a different view of Hal than I do.

  • At March 19, 2007 5:21 PM, Blogger Bill D. said…

    Guy would go on about how he wants a son, be told it's a girl, be disappointed at first, and then totally melt the second he held her, at which point she'd never stop being Daddy's Little Girl.

    And man, would I hate to be the guy she brings home to meet dad! That dude wouldn't stand a chance.

  • At March 19, 2007 6:43 PM, Blogger Denyer said…

    This formula naturally means that at some point in the far future, there needs to be a mini-series populated solely by Hal Jordan's illegitimate children.

    Worked for Lobo, anyway...

  • At March 19, 2007 7:11 PM, Blogger kalinara said…

    Sally: Guy would be able to rock the baby to sleep while yelling at the nightlights/guardians/Hal/Kilowog, without skipping a beat. Of course, in self defense, the kid will be able to sleep through anything.

    ununnilium: :-)

    buttler: Korugar: home planet of Sinestro, Soranik Natu and Katma Tui. :-) If that's what came to mind, you're right!

    Rob: Hal isn't an idiot really, but his primary traits are that he really doesn't tend to think before he acts, (a trait common to many superheroes really), and a particular arrogance that tends to show up whenever someone advises a different course of action (like "caution"). He's also something of a control freak as evidenced by his interactions with Carol, Guy and John to a lesser extent. He frequently makes assumptions about his colleagues and enemies only to be completely proven wrong by the end of the story arc. Often by the end of that issue.

    He also has a bad habit of getting hit in the head with random objects like a falling ceiling tile. (And has actually gotten distracted during a fight with Star Sapphire by his own reflection.)

    In the end though, narcissistic, clumsy, presumptuous, arrogant, well-meaning, brave, noble, control-freak-with-good-intentions, self-absorbed and bad-luck-ridden is too long to type. So that's why I call him an idiot. It's inaccurate. But it's funnier.

    (I don't really think he's too stupid to use protection, per se, however, his overall self-absorption and arrogance of the "It'd never happen to me." sort would screw him over. Kind of like leaving the ring behind on an important issue, or marrying the fiancee of a man not really dead, or...)

    As for the sexual activity, I'm afraid that that's Hal's ladies' man thing talking. Hal's an interesting bird because Carol, while cool, was never really the presence that Lois was. Hal's had quite a few other girlfriends over the last forty odd years. He's never, that I've seen cheated on them, but well...considering those last forty years are cramped down to taking place over ten-fifteen, it starts to add up. :-)

    (Compared to say Guy's grand total of two serious love interests: Kari and Tora, and one one night stand with Fire, for example)

    Basically, as he's characterized long term, he's a serial monogamist. He's usually pretty emotionally wrapped up in his lover at the time, but it's rarely ever compatible with the long term. He's also one of the few heroes allowed to be open about his appreciation of women without being cartoony about it.

    Mostly though it's just a joke. :-)

    Bill: Nope. Which is why it'd be funniest if it were Hal's kid. Can you *imagine* the reaction.

    Denyer: Now THERE is a crossover.

  • At March 19, 2007 11:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Mogo...hmm...gravitational fields...magma,of course,LOTS of magma,complete polar SHIFT,some SERIOUS global warming...

  • At March 19, 2007 11:09 PM, Blogger kalinara said…

  • At March 20, 2007 11:59 AM, Blogger Rob S. said…

    I guess, looking back on it, Hal's bullheadedness and propensity for getting hit in the head could qualify him for "idiot," especially for humor.

    I just think there's a long stretch between serial monogamist and baby daddy. And sure, that can be stretched for humorous purposes, too, but it's not like he's going off on a series of one-night stands. (Not to mention the fact that he wears the only known 100% effective form of birth control on his finger, which may be the wrong place for it but I'm sure he makes do.) Serial monogamy seems to me to be the responsible way to be a sexually active adult, not the irresponsible thing you seem to be portraying it as. (Different from "sleeping around," as you put it in the second para.)

    I see the humor in it, of course, and Hal having kids all across the galaxy is a fun idea. (Personally, I think Captain Kirk is better suited for the Father of Our Galaxy title.) I think it's every bit as likely that he has no offspring -- more likely, even, considering the resources he has at his disposal, both for contraception and communication.

    All that said, though, it's still a fun idea -- like a modern version of Haney's Super Sons.

  • At March 20, 2007 12:16 PM, Blogger SallyP said…

    Rob, my dear, Hal IS Captain Kirk. And he DOES have one-night-stands, as a matter of fact he just had one in his most recent series, number 6 or 7, I think, the one where Ollie comes by, and they are getting dressed and can't even remember each other's names.

    Oh Hal.

    He showed up to tell Guy's fiancee, Kari Limbo, that he was pretty sure that Guy was dead, and they were locking lips in about two and a half minutes. He was going to MARRY her, when it turned out that Guy actually wasn't dead, just really really pissed.

    Plus the fact that he's hit on just about every female Green Lantern, with the possible exception of poor Brik.

    pant pant.

  • At March 20, 2007 1:03 PM, Blogger Rob S. said…

    You're right, Sally -- now that you mention it, I remember that scene in the new series (mostly because i remember being disappointed with it). So I guess in that instance, the evidence is there.

    As for Kari Limbo -- she could see the future (yet didn't see Guy in it?), so I wouldn't entirely pin that one on Hal being a playa. But I haven't read that comic since it was published, and didn't read all of KL's appearances in the title (just the interrupted wedding issue), so you probably know more about it than I do.

  • At March 20, 2007 3:38 PM, Blogger kalinara said…

    Rob: It's also that Hal's got that arrogance that makes me think he's perfect for having a few illegitimate kids running around.

    I see him as honestly the sort to have figured out how to use the ring for birth control, but not realizing that at the err...peak moments, there's a wavering of attention. :-)

    He'd try to be a responsible father, but...well...I have trouble believing he'd be good at it. :-)

  • At March 21, 2007 12:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    oh yeah, i was thinking about the right korugar. it's just that i was surprised that it came so easily to mind after all these years.

    i thought i'd at least get it slightly mixed up with koriand'r and komand'r or something. (and why is kory named after a spice, anyway? she should have other sibs named kum'n or karaw'y.)


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